Star Trek: Pioneer
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: Join Captain James Tenchi and the crew of the starship Pioneer in their continuing voyages through space! Featuring the classic episode: Dagger of the Brain! Captain Tenchi is taken captive and an imposter takes his place! Now with SPECIAL FEATURES!
1. The Orion Gambit

_**Star Trek: Pioneer**_

_by Galaxy1001D_

_Chapter One: The Orion Gambit_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

On the alien spaceship, a teenage boy's image could be seen on the main viewscreen. "This is the _Pioneer_, responding to your distress signal, _Erotica_," said the boy in the Starfleet uniform. "We shall beam over in a few minutes and assist. What seems to be the trouble?"

In the command chair of the _Erotica_'s bridge was an attractive woman with red hair. Her skin was green, and she was wearing a revealing, skintight outfit that seemed to show off a more of her body than it concealed. Her ingenuous smile matched her perfect complexion. "Thank you, captain," she cooed. "The ship just won't start, and I'm afraid that none of my staff are very good when it comes to things mechanical. I hate to put you out to such trouble."

"It's no trouble at all," the boy in the gold shirt assured her. "That's what we're here for. _Pioneer_, out."

"Ha, ha, ha!" Laughed the green woman evilly. "Soon we shall no longer be Orion slave girls, but Orion pirates! This plan is foolproof; it can't fail!"

"Are you sure, Ramia?" asked a second green supermodel with black hair, slanted eyes, and red tiger stripes on her cheeks.

"Of course, Matori," Ramia assured her scantily clad cohort. "All we have to do is seduce the top officers of the Federation starship and we will have a pirate ship that is second to none! Ha-ha-ha-ha!" Matori, Misa, and Yugi joined in their lovely leader's laughter.

Misa and Yume, two underage green girls, were a pedophile's dreams come true. Ramia's sister Misa, who appeared to be twelve years old, had a perfect emerald hued complexion that complemented her flaming red hair. Yugi's aspect was even younger. She appeared to be ten at the oldest, but could have been only six. Her ash blonde hair blended with her pale green skin, and her penetrating blue eyes seemed to hypnotize the observer.

Throughout the galaxy, no women were considered more sensuous or beautiful than the green women of Orion. Legend had it that no man could resist their charms, so skilled were they in the arts of seduction.

"Okay, girls, get ready!" the gorgeous and gleeful Ramia exclaimed as she glanced down at her sensor panel. "They are beaming over now! Remember to stay in character and pick a sweetheart. Here they come!"

The electronic hum of a Star Fleet transporter was heard as a teenage boy in appeared at the far end of the room in a shower of sparks. He had on the gold sweater and black trousers and boots that marked him as a member of the command division of a Star Fleet vessel. The boy's lustrous black hair, tanned complexion and dark brown eyes indicated that his ancestors came from a subtropical section of his home planet. He let out a breath he had been holding. His nervous demeanor was at odds with the image of an arrogantly professional Star Fleet officer.

"Hi, I'm James Tenchi," he greeted shyly. "Is everyone okay?"

"Why thank you lieutenant," Ramia's sultry smile almost hid her predatory contempt. The boy must have been a cadet or an ensign at the most, given his age, but the plan was to flatter the officers as much as possible to lower their guard. "I assure you that our problem isn't medical in nature. As you can see, we are all quite…healthy…"

Almost as one, the women assumed seductive, languorous poses and inhaled deeply.

"Heh-heh," Tenchi giggled nervously as a sweatdrop trickled from his temple. "Oh, uh, I'm not a lieutenant," he scratched the back of his neck and looked away from the breathtaking females before him. "I'm, um…the captain."

"_The captain_?" Ramia gasped. Almost as one, the outrageously scantily clad Orions stared at the boy in slack-jawed amazement. Sure enough, there were captain's stripes on his sleeves. Was this a joke? A trap? Was the captain from a planet where the inhabitants age in reverse? "B-but, but how? You're so young!"

"Er, heh-heh," Captain James Tenchi blushed furiously and squirmed uncomfortably at the question. "I had a transporter accident last year. De-aged me at least three decades. But I assure you, I have more than enough seniority to command the _Pioneer_."

"_You're_ in command?" Matori stared at the boy in disbelief. She smiled at Ramia. "Well, Ramia, this is even better than we hoped," she said in a quiet voice. If her knowledge of human biology served her, the sex drive of males from his planet was strongest during their teenage years. If that was true, it would take less than ten minutes to completely bend him to their will.

"Yes," Ramia nodded softly. "It looks like a twist of fate has put the Federation starship in the hands of a horny teenager. This is going to be easier than I thought!" She raised her voice to address the unsuspecting captain. "Well, Captain, welcome aboard. We're happy to welcome an officer who is so young and…vigorous!"

The teenage captain backed away and laughed nervously again. He fumbled at his belt for his communicator. "Well, if everything is all right, I'll beam over my staff so we can take a look at your engines. I'm sure the problem is relatively minor."

"Thank you…captain," cooed Ramia. "Go ahead and bring your top…_men_ aboard."

Tenchi's fliptop communicator chirped as he opened it. "Tenchi to _Pioneer_, everything is in order. Beam over the landing party."

"I'm afraid we're having trouble with the transporter," the voice of his transporter chief replied from his communicator. "We'll have to send them over one or two at a time."

"What?" Tenchi gasped. "Why wasn't I notified _before_ I beamed over?"

"Lieutenant Washu said that you didn't need to know," came the embarrassed reply. "We all know how you feel about the transporter sir."

"Thank you, Chief," growled the embarrassed captain. 'We all know'? The whole ship?

"Despite the low transporter power, it will be perfectly safe as long as we don't have to beam you out in a hurry," the transporter chief continued.

"Yes-yes," Tenchi snapped irritably as he glanced over at the Orion females. "_Thank you, Chief_! Just get them over here, alright?" He didn't need his transporter phobia advertised to every spaceship in the Alpha Quadrant. He took a breath, composed himself, and smiled at his heavenly hosts. "My first officer should be beaming over next," he assured them."

"Certainly," Ramia tried to hide her predatory grin. "By all means, beam him over."

"Transport the first one, Tenchi out." Tenchi commanded, then shut his communicator with a click.

The room was filled with the electronic whine of the matter transporter, a wondrous device that could take apart solid matter, condense it into a data stream, and then reassemble it at a point up to twenty thousand kilometers away from the ship. Appearing next to Tenchi in a shower of sparks was a second officer dressed in gold and black.

Like the captain, the first officer was young, relatively short, attractive, slender and smooth skinned. However, the Orions immediately noticed a marked difference.

Tenchi gestured to his executive officer. "Ladies, I would like to introduce you to my XO, Lieutenant Commander Lydia Ayeka. She's a capable engineer and should be able to fix the problem."

Lydia Ayeka was such a beauty that she could have passed for an Orion slave girl herself if she was painted green. As it was, her smooth creamy skin was as pale as a Terran Scandinavian. Ayeka's lovely hair was an exquisite shade of purple and worn in bangs in the front and two long ponytails that nearly extended to the floor in the back. Peeking underneath her bangs was an ornate golden tiara engraved with complex knots and designs that could have passed for Norse or Celtic patterns. Her eyes were as red as rubies and as alluring as the crimson jewels they resembled. The first officer's manner was proper and aristocratic, just the right balance between shy and feminine and confident and commanding. Her lithe figure was complemented with a tiny waist, shapely legs, and a pert bosom that made her appear too young for her rank. All and all, Ramia could tell that she was stiff competition.

"Lydia Ayeka reporting for duty," Ayeka clicked her heels and gave a snappy salute. Her ramrod straight posture in her ridiculously short skirt and black leggings made her appear as a fashion model. Her aristocratic accent and purple hair marked her as a scion of the plutocrats of Jurai, the definition of 'old money' for this part of the galaxy. "What seems to be the problem?"

The problem is that the _Pioneer_'s first officer is a baby-faced goddess from a wealthy family with a body that won't quit, Ramia thought to herself. She had the potential to be trouble. Other ships had balding men or snaggly toothed old hags as command personnel, but no, not the _Pioneer_. She could only hope that the ship's department heads were more pliable. Ramia scowled and nodded to Matori. They would have to separate the captain from the first officer as soon as possible.

"Well, the ship just won't go," Matori explained lamely. "None of us are very good at technical matters."

"'Won't go'?" Ayeka arched her eyebrow skeptically. "What kind of talk is that? Don't you have any diagnostic programs or any theories? What are you even doing in space if you don't know the first thing about your own ship?"

It was as Ramia feared. With Lydia Ayeka around the ruse of 'helpless women in space in need of rescue' was quickly becoming 'brainless bimbos who don't belong in space'. Their ploy to appear vulnerable was making them look silly. First impressions were very important when it came to reducing men to love struck puppets.

"Now, now," Tenchi gently scolded. "It's not their fault. They just don't have our training."

Perhaps they could still salvage the situation! Maybe the captain had a soft spot for women he considered his intellectual inferiors! Time to begin 'Operation Bimbo'…

The bridge of the Orion vessel was once again filled with the sound of a Federation transporter as a third officer appeared in a shower of sparks.

"Oops!" the lanky woman in the gold skirt had appeared in the air two feet above her superior officers and flapped her limbs in the air while attempting to find something to stop her fall. "Yah!" Arms and legs akimbo, the hapless blonde tumbled onto Tenchi and Ayeka knocking them off their feet and sending all three of them to the ground. "Ouch…" moaned bronze-skinned lieutenant as she lay atop her stunned superiors.

"Uff!" came the muffled cry of Commander Ayeka as she pushed a long shapely leg off of her face. "Lieutenant Mihoshi, get off of us this instant! That is an order!"

"Oh my! I am so sorry, Ayeka!" the blue-eyed young woman named Mihoshi apologized as she rolled off the captain and first officer. She scrambled to her feet, stood up straight, clicked her heels and assumed a snappy salute. "Lieutenant Mihoshi, reporting for duty, Captain!"

The teenager rose shakily to his feet and put a hand on his back. "I thought that after my transporter accident, lower back pain would be a thing of the past," he muttered. "Boy, was I mistaken…"

Ayeka stood on tiptoes to stare the flustered young lieutenant in the eye. "Lieutenant Mihoshi, is it your _duty_ to make us the laughing stock of Starfleet?" The fall had transformed Ayeka aristocratic and birdlike voice into a harsh shriek. "Honestly, how much are the Klingons paying you to stay on our side?"

"I…I…I…," was all the terrified blonde could stammer out. "I'm sorry! I wasn't operating the transporter, Commander, I swear!"

"Yes!" Ayeka looked down, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself down. It was hard, because she was still smarting from being tackled from above by a long-legged, pointy-eared woman who was almost six feet tall. "You're right!" she snarled as she turned away. "It wasn't your fault! They must have had a malfunction. You're lucky to have made it here in one piece, I guess." She hated to expose the nasty side of her personality to the captain, but the pain and humiliation had made her irritable.

Meanwhile Tenchi had pulled out his communicator. "_Pioneer_, what happened?" the boy asked in a low irritated voice. "Lieutenant Mihoshi nearly put us in sick bay."

"Sorry about that, Cap'n," said the voice from the communicator. "We lost power at the last second, but we should have it corrected in less than a minute. It should be safe to send the rest of the team."

"Send them over before they wise up and take off," Tenchi grumbled to the communicator, "and get the transporter in order before we have to leave. Is that clear?"

"Aye-aye sir," gulped the voice on the other end. "_Pioneer_ out."

Tenchi snapped the communicator shut and returned it to his belt. He cleared his throat as he straightened his gold shirt and turned to address the gawking green women. "Ahem, ladies, may I present our chief helmswoman, Lieutenant Barbie Mihoshi."

Mihoshi's eyes lit up and an infectious grin graced her face as she once again clicked her heels and saluted. "Lieutenant Mihoshi, ready and able! Don't worry about a thing, 'cause I'm a whiz at navigation systems and can pilot just about anything!"

Ramia and the other Orions groaned inwardly as yet another enchanting female was unveiled before them. Standing at her full height while wearing the ultra short skirt of the female option Starfleet uniform, Mihoshi looked more like a supermodel or an exotic dancer on Risa than a department head of one of the Federation's most powerful starships. She also had the 'ditzy charm' down to a science as well! If they wanted to get to the captain's heart, they'd have to try something different. If dumb won't do it, how about smart? Ramia was good at playing the part of the sophisticated seductress. She'd just have to change gears and…

The Orion leader's calculations were interrupted by the sound of yet another officer appearing in a shower of golden sparks. Ramia closed her eyes in frustration as the short silhouette solidified into yet another young exotic female.

"Fixed it!" came a booming cry from the short woman in blue skirt. At four-foot two inches height, the green-eyed officer seemed to be attempting to make up for it by having the ponytail of her flaming red hair wore high and cascade down her back in a like the feathers of a Native American chief's ceremonial headdress. "Cross-circuited phase 'B'! It should last long enough until they can clear the buffers and fix it for real."

"Are you sure it's safe, Lieutenant Washu?" the captain asked shakily. Her dramatic entrance had made everyone in the room jump.

"Why of course!" Washu put her hand on her hips and struck an arrogantly dramatic pose. "It was a snap for the greatest scientific genius in the universe! I'd like to see anyone else jury-rig a transporter with just a bobby pin!"

"Ohhh…" her fellow Starfleet officers groaned. As a matter of fact, the Orions did too.

Both Ramia and Misa were redheads, and Washu wasn't stubby or deformed, either. On the contrary, she had the same underage prepubescent beauty that Misa had, with slim delicate limbs and a radiant lineless face.

Oblivious to the Orions' distress Tenchi gestured to the little redhead. "Ladies may I introduced my chief science officer, Lieutenant Washu of the planet Chousin. Easily the smartest science officer in Starfleet."

"Also the cutest!" Washu struck an ingeniously childlike pose in imitation of Misa's best come-hither-I'm-too-young-to realize-you're-a-disgusting-pedophile look. "I _am_ cute, aren't I? People are always mistaking me for a little girl, 'cause I look so _young_…! She nudged the captain's leg with her hip flirtatiously. "And ya know…I get lonely come bedtime…"

"Lieutenant Washu!" Ayeka squawked in protest. "Show some decorum will you? You are a Starfleet officer and not an Orion slave gi—" The purple-haired first officer put her hand over her mouth in horror as a scarlet blush lit up her cheeks. Slowly, very slowly, she contritely turned her head in the direction of her emerald hued hostesses. "Oh…um…ah…" she stammered in a quiet mouse-like squeak.

The Orions did not look happy. Tenchi looked up at the ceiling and scratched the back of his neck. Mihoshi wandered away to the pilot's station to diagnose the nav-computer.

In truth, the Orions had bigger things to worry about then a careless racial slur. Ramia couldn't believe that her plans were going up in smoke like this! The captain had looked like such a sucker too! All right, if brains has been taken, they could still try brawn. Matori was a talented athlete, perfect for a vigorous young man on the go!

Another officer appeared in a shower of sparks as the transporter hummed. This time a shapely young woman with dazzling blue eyes appeared in a red miniskirt. Unlike the others, she had a phaser pistol attached to her belt. She ran her hand through her long teal hair to reveal the orange headband she wore and looked around. When she saw the captain she saluted and announced. "Lieutenant Kiyone reporting as ordered, Captain."

"Kiyone!" Mihoshi gushed from the pilot's console where she had been examining the controls. "You made it! I barely got here in one piece! There was a transporter malfunction, and I appeared over six feet in the air!" The plucky helmswoman jumped up from the pilot's station and started to run over to Kiyone. "I'm lucky I didn't lose my head in the roof…Whoa!" Sure enough, the bubbly blonde was starting to fall. The heel of her high-heeled boot had gotten stuck in the thick carpet on the Orion's bridge and had yanked her foot out from under her.

"Mihoshi!" the red-skirted woman jumped forward and executed a somersault in midair to clear the distance to get to the helpless helmswoman's side. She managed to catch Mihoshi before she tumbled to the floor and balanced her unsteadily to her feet. "Are you okay?"

Mihoshi shrugged happily and smiled as if she had won a contest. "Of course, Kiyone, I'm more than okay if I have a good friend like you! Thanks a lot, and watch your step on the shag rug by the way…"

"Heh-heh," Kiyone blushed. "Don't mention it."

"Lieutenant Cassandra Kiyone is our chief tactical officer," Tenchi explained, somewhat embarrassed that she was wearing a visible sidearm. "Like Mihoshi, she is an expert in shipboard systems and should be able to trace the fault."

"Yeah…fine…" Ramia moaned without enthusiasm. They had an erotic gymnast aboard their ship too! She could see Matori gnashing her teeth at this latest setback as it became obvious that the athletic amazon slot had been taken. She glanced at Yugi, the smallest and youngest of her crew. Yugi was even younger than Misa, but her skills at blackmail and manipulation were second to none. If the teenage captain felt intimidated by all these older women, maybe Yugi would be able to strike up a rapport with him…

Once again, the _Pioneer_'s transporter filled the room with that infernal humming as yet another member of her crew was beamed over. The sixth member to come across was littlest so far, even shorter than Washu! Skyblue ponytails extended from each side her angelic head. Her bubble-gum pink eyes were large and innocent, and would have given one the impression that she was always surprised if they did seem to be so serene. Light freckles dotted across the bridge of her tiny nose and her smile could light a room even if the power went out. She wore a red miniskirted uniform like Kiyone but instead of a phaser she carried a tray with a teakettle and five steaming cups of tea. "Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami reporting for duty!" she proudly announced.

"Oh boy!" Mihoshi trotted over to Sasami's side and procured a cup of tea. Almost as one, the entire landing party's spirits rose as they smiled and politely reached for a teacup.

"Wha?" Ramia gasped. Yugi turned a lighter tint of green and fainted.

"Oh, don't mind Sasami," Mihoshi chirped, "she's the best tea maker in Starfleet."

"I'm not a tea maker, I'm a third-year cadet!" Sasami insisted.

"All right, all right," Mihoshi waved her free hand dismissively, "but remember, you're going to have to work hard if you want to be an officer in Starfleet."

"If _you_ can make it, I know _I_ can make it," Sasami spoke with confidence. "You're my star of hope, Mihoshi."

"Oh!" giggled an embarrassed Mihoshi. "You're making me blush!" Mihoshi and Sasami shared a laugh while the Orions groaned inwardly.

The _Pioneer_ seemed to be populated by nothing but beautiful women! Nearly every type of beautiful woman seemed to be represented except…they had no _femme fetale_! Yes, thought Ramia, men love the wicked woman, the seductive siren who tempts them to sin. Garbage on shapely legs, no man can resist their call, particularly not _this_ captain. After being surrounded by a horde of clean-cut squeaky-clean Starfleet women, he'd be hungry for a lady that would appeal to his dark side. She'd be no good for him, but he wouldn't care…and the _Erotica_ had no shortage of that kind of vixen…

The electronic hum lasted less than a second, but appearing from a pink field of energy was yet a _seventh_ female! This tall angular woman had the large ears and cyan-white hair of a Burchardian, and her hawklike predatory golden eyes shone with mischief. She was dressed in a reddish purple catsuit that clashed with her wild messy hair. "Tenchi…." She called playfully as she floated through the air like a zero-G gymnast. "Tenchi sweetie, did you miss me?"

"Ryoko!" the teenage captain cried in horror. "What are you doing here?"

"It took me a long time to break out this time!" she giggled as she wrapped her arms around him. In defiance to the artificial gravity on the bridge, her hindquarters levitated behind her pointing straight at the startled Orions.

It was almost as if she was mooning us, Ramia thought bitterly.

"Honestly, it took me forever to find a way to neutralize the drug they gave me to dampen my powers," she explained as she rubbed her cheek against his. "Then I had to wait for a resupply ship to dock up to the penal colony and rig up a hologram so they wouldn't notice that I left…"

"Ryoko!" Tenchi scolded as he pried himself loose from her grip. "How many times do I have to tell you? Quit following me! Starfleet is going to think I'm helping you escape. All you had to do is go for an insanity plea and you would be out in less than two years! Now everytime you break out they're going to add time to your sentence!"

"To be honest, I think the penal administrator is glad I'm gone," replied the buxom Burchardian. "How do you like my outfit by the way? Pretty 'Seven of Nine' wouldn't you say? These Orion slave girls may be sluts but they've got great fashion sense! I've been hiding aboard their ship for two weeks looking for you and now they've faked a distress signal to lure you into a trap! Isn't it great? We're together again!"

"Miss Ryoko!" Ayeka cried. "I can't believe that you've escaped _again_! Those Galaxy Police must be really incompetent! Why do you keep tormenting the captain so? Don't you realize that your silly antics might cost him his career?"

Ryoko smiled and waved a dismissive hand at the first officer. "It's okay, Ayeka, as long as Tenchi arrests me, Starfleet won't suspect a thing! He might even get a medal for capturing me so often!"

"Don't say things like that!" Tenchi whined. "Talk like that can be very misleading!"

"Hey, it's okay, the Orions are crooks!" Ryoko put her arm around the underage captain's neck while her other hand caressed his face. "No one will believe them if they tell anyone that we're boyfriend and girlfriend!"

"Ryoko!" the captain shouted.

"R-ryoko?" Ramia stammered. "The dread pirate Ryoko? _The_ Ryoko? The captain's girlfriend?"

Ryoko grinned like the _Targ_ that ate the _dracbird_ and put a finger to her lips. "Okay!" she teased. "So now you know! Just don't leak this information to the press, okay?"

"Yaah!" Tenchi put his hands over his face and collapsed to his knees.

Now it was Misa's turn to faint. Matori helped Ramia to a divan before she too fell to the floor.

"It's…it's over," Ramia sniveled. "The _femme fetale_, the wicked woman…that was our last card to play…and she's been hiding on board disguised as one of us and knows the whole plan…it's over…"

Mihoshi looked up from where the rest of the landing party was consoling the captain. "Are you all right?" she asked the Orions. "You don't look well. I better call our medical officer to come over here right away and take a look at you!"

"No!" Ramia leaped to her feet. "We don't need some leggy floozy who likes to play doctor! We've got plenty of that on board! Get out of here, all of you! Get out of here, and let's…let's just go home!" She collapsed into Matori's arms and cried on her shoulder. "It was my plan…It was such a good plan…How could they wreck such a good plan? We were going to be pirates…It's not fair!"

"Are they going to be okay?" asked a concerned Ayeka. "We really should try to help them."

"We can't help them if they don't want us to," Tenchi sighed. "Remember the Prime Directive, Ayeka. We can't interfere in other's affairs. Let's hope our engineers have fixed the transporter so we can go home."

"Tenchi…" Ryoko batted her mischievous eyes at him. "Aren't you going to arrest me? You know I like it when you put the cuffs on _tight_…"

Ayeka and Tenchi both groaned. The captain pulled out his communicator and called his ship. "Tenchi to _Pioneer_," the boy announced. "They have refused assistance. Beam us back at your earliest convenience."

Meanwhile back on the _NCC 1992 USS Pioneer_, the chief medical officer stood next to the transporter chief. "I'm not beaming over?"

"Sorry doc," the transporter operator shrugged. "Looks like the mission is cancelled."

"That's okay, I've never liked the transporter anyway," Lieutenant Commander Katsuhito Yosho took off his spectacles and cleaned them with the sleeve of his shirt. An elderly man with iron gray hair, Doctor Yosho had been in Starfleet long enough to accept last minute changes and cancelled missions. It would give him a chance to finish his painting. One of the perks of being the ship's doctor was that it was easy to find a model for his latest creation 'Nude Orion Slave Girl Descending a Staircase.'

_Dedicated to Ignorant One, who encouraged me to write this._


	2. Welcome to Gehenna Two

Space…the final frontier… These are the voyages of the Starship Pioneer

_Space…the final frontier… These are the voyages of the Starship __Pioneer__. Her ongoing mission, to explore strange new worlds…to seek out new life and civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before… _

_**Star Trek: Pioneer**_

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**_ _**Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_

_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_**Dagger of the Brain**_

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Two: Welcome to Gehenna_

The planet of Gehenna Two was visible on the main screen. It was a reddish-brown planet, reminiscent of Mars or Vulcan. "Approaching Gehenna Two, sir," Kiyone announced from the navigator's station.

"Put us in standard orbit, Mihoshi," Tenchi nodded from the captain's chair.

"Standard orbit," Mihoshi echoed from the helm. "Aye-aye sir. Standard orbit." The blonde's brow furrowed as she concentrated on putting the _Pioneer_ in a stable geosynchronous orbit over the beam down point on the surface. "Yes sir, standard orbit…" she continued as her hands played over the controls.

"Everything, all right, Mihoshi?" Tenchi asked. It sounded like Mihoshi had to exert a lot of concentration on this routine task.

Mihoshi smiled reassuringly back at the boy. "Yes sir, Captain, everything's fine, it's just that…"

"What?"

"Why do you always ask for a 'standard orbit'?" asked the blue-eyed blonde. "It's hardly a challenge to my abilities you know. Why not ask for the weirdest bizarre orbit that I can imagine?" Mihoshi closed her eyes, spun around in her chair and waved her arms in the air. "One that comes dangerously close to the planet and then so far away that we can't even scan it!" Mihoshi stopped spinning to clinch her fists and smile like a maniac. "That would be so fun! I wonder what strange orbits I could come up with?"

"ME-HOE-SHE!" Kiyone growled through clenched teeth. Her normally beautiful features were contorted into a hideous combination of embarrassment and anger.

"Er, heh-heh," Tenchi laughed nervously as a bead of sweat trickled out of his hair onto his face. "Standard orbit will be just fine, thanks!"

"Okay," Mihoshi turned back to her control panel and resumed pushing buttons as if the bizarre conversation had never taken place. "Standard orbit it is, Cap'n!" A bead of sweat appeared at the temple of every face on the bridge except for the oblivious blonde.

First Officer Ayeka, who was standing next to the captain's chair, took to opportunity to lean down and murmur in the captain's ear. "If the penal colony is a psychiatric facility, why don't we leave _her_ behind too?"

Tenchi shivered at Ayeka's close proximity. He had always been fond of Ayeka, ever since they met while he was teaching at Starfleet Academy. His most promising student, he was impressed by her drive to succeed and her blind devotion to both her duty and to her instructor. She wasn't content to live the life of a spoiled rich girl; she wanted to give back to the galaxy, to make a difference. To _earn_ the power, money and prestige of her wealthy family, not just inherit it! She said that she owed it to her family name to be the best officer Starfleet had ever had, and he believed her.

Almost two decades his junior, he loved her as if she was his own daughter. That's what he told himself, anyway. He wasn't blind. She was beautiful, and had a crush on her instructor. Looking back, he had to admire his self-control when it would have been both easy and tempting to take advantage of her young heart.

When he made it to the rank of captain and assigned his own command, he couldn't think of anyone that he wanted for his first officer more than Lydia Ayeka. Although many considered her too young and inexperienced for the job, Ayeka had achieved the rank of lieutenant commander, the minimum rank for the executive officer of a ship the size of the _Pioneer._

Sure enough, Ayeka accepted, and his little girl from the academy had grown into the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Confident, strong, and graceful, Lydia Ayeka was a model of poise and efficiency. Tenchi guiltily admitted to himself that now that she was no longer a child he actually permitted himself to entertain thoughts about his first officer, but fortunately he never acted on those feelings.

Then came the terrorist plot against the "Stardate Summit" that was supposed to establish a standard calendar for the known galaxy. Delegates from all over the Federation arrived to sign the document that would convert all of their clocks and calendars to new method of timekeeping, one that would take into account the relativistic effects of faster than light travel. No longer would ships have to reset their chronometers when they arrived at their destination. Even the Klingons and Orions had agreed to convert to the new time system, making the Federation Stardate System a truly universal way of keeping track of time.

On their first mission, the crew of the _Pioneer_ had been assigned to provide security for the conference. When they stumbled upon the terrorist plot to detonate an antimatter charge and kill all the delegates Tenchi had risked his life to evacuate everyone from the summit. After the delegates had been evacuated, Tenchi had been the last to beam out.

The explosion occurred at the exact time he dematerialized. The transporter operator had nearly lost his pattern altogether. Only the technical expertise of Lieutenant Washu had pulled him through, but there were side effects. His DNA had suffered a microscopic modification, and the information that told his body how old he was had been erased. Now he was forced to grow up all over again. He used to be too old for her. Now he was too young.

Worse yet, his teenage form had wandering eyes. Apparently the hormones that he had to endure during his second puberty had intensified his sex drive somehow. It seemed as if he fell head over heels in love every time he beamed down to an inhabited planet. To make matters worse, every officer on the bridge was an intelligent and attractive young woman.

Starfleet was an equal opportunity organization. Every gender was acceptable if they could pass the requirements. The glass ceiling that had plagued his planet's history had been eliminated. His old shipmate Jim Kirk had been assigned the _Enterprise_, the lucky stiff. Every department head except one was male, and nearly all of them came from his home planet.

Not so aboard the _Pioneer_. Aside of old Doctor Yosho and himself, every department head was a beautiful woman. To make things even more difficult, last year the female option uniform had been changed to a ridiculously short miniskirt and a relatively tight top. It was as if every female of the ship was wearing fetish suits. How could he profess his love to Ayeka when he was infatuated with every woman he saw?

The short answer was that he couldn't. He just smiled and nodded and pretended not to notice that Ayeka still had feelings for him, too.

Not only that, but some of his other officers seemed attracted to him as well.

Washu was the worst of the bunch. It seemed that his slender effeminate appearance was considered quite manly on her planet. She loved to tease him when she thought no one was looking. Somehow she always found a way to ask him for a 'sample of masculine essence' without being written up for insubordination. Ayeka was right. He was a soft touch.

As if his life wasn't complicated enough, last month the space pirate Ryoko had added herself to the mix. A Burchardian orphan who had grown up on planet Jurai, Ryoko had manifested superpowers during her teenage years and become a criminal. She had fallen madly in love with Tenchi the moment she laid eyes on him and agreed to give herself up if he would wait for her until she got out.

It turned out that wasn't much of a wait. Ryoko would get bored and escape, only to track down the _Pioneer_ so she could give herself up. Even the Galaxy Police stopped devoting manpower to track her down. Everybody knew where she would end up. So once again it was up to the _Pioneer_ to escort her to whatever penal colony that thought they could hold her. During that time, Ryoko would make herself at home, flirt with Tenchi, and annoy Ayeka and any other authority figure that had the misfortune of crossing her.

Now it was Gehenna Two's turn to see if they could hold Ryoko, the ultimate escape artist, in custody until her sentence was up or they cured her of her criminal tendencies. He could only hope that they would succeed, for both Ryoko's sake and his own.

"Now in standard orbit," Mihoshi's announcement broke him out his reverie.

Tenchi took a deep breath and rose from his chair. "Well, I better get our passenger ready to disembark," he commented wryly.

"Do you want security to accompany you?" Kiyone asked.

"That's not necessary," he smiled bravely as he walked to the elevator, and then his smile faltered. "They would only make things more difficult anyway," he sighed. Looking utterly defeated, he entered the turbolift. "Deck seven," he muttered.

"Got a moment, Jim?" Old Doctor Yosho asked his young commanding officer. Tenchi hadn't noticed him enter the turbolift.

Doc Yosho's voice startled him, but he managed to hide it. "Sure," Tenchi said with a forced breeziness as he turned to face the bespectacled doctor. "Full stop," he instructed the elevator.

"This will be the first time that Ryoko has ever been in prison." It was true. She had always escaped her captors before they ever got her to a penal colony.

"They aren't prisons anymore, Doc," The young captain gently corrected him. "The modern penal colony treats criminal impulses as what they are: a disease. They use counseling, conditioning and medicine instead of confinement and punishment. A lot has changed since we were kids."

"A cage is a cage," Yosho pointed out. "Even a gilded cage becomes confining. Ryoko agreed to give herself up and go straight so she could be with you, and now you're going to leave her behind on an isolated planet parsecs away from civilization. I'm afraid she might do something desperate."

Tenchi nodded ruefully. "So do I. That's why I'm going to beam down with her. We're going to check it out and see if it's right for her. We'll interview the doctors, check out their counseling programs, see if Gehenna Two is right for her."

"Sounds as if you're putting your elderly aunt into an old folks home," Yosho quipped.

"Feeling self-conscious?"

Yosho smiled grimly. "Don't push it, Jim. The point I'm trying to make is that Ryoko may feel betrayed. She's built her whole life around you. So far you are the only one she trusts. If you betray her trust, she could end up on the wrong side of the law forever."

"Resume," Tenchi instructed the elevator. "Doc, so far I've been completely open and honest with her. This is the best thing for her, what do you expect me to do?"

"All I'm saying is that she might feel abandoned," Yosho replied with fatherly concern.

"Look," Tenchi snapped as the turbolift doors opened onto the main deck, "I joined Star Fleet to explore space, not to take care of a woman who's made bad decisions with her life. It doesn't matter how beautiful she is, or how much I like her. I already have one woman to take care of; her name is the _Pioneer_."

Meanwhile in the counselor's office on deck seven, Ryoko was doing everything she could to drive Noike, the beautiful Vulcan psychiatrist, crazy.

"Stop repeating the things I say!" the green-haired Vulcan and the cyan-haired Burchardian shouted at each other.

"You have no respect for authority…" they said as one. To Noike's irritation, Ryoko not only repeated what she said but also mimicked her movements as well.

"Stop it, or I'll nerve pinch you!" The two alien women threatened each other. "I'll give you the Vulcan death grip!" they snarled simultaneously. "That's it, I'm warning you!"

The door slid open and Midshipman Sasami entered the room and gasped in shock. "Noike!" the blue-haired girl exclaimed. "Shame on you!" With Ryoko's back to her, the plucky young cadet could only see the hideous look on Noike's face. "I thought Vulcans didn't feel any emotion!"

As if a switch had been flicked, Noike's countenance returned to that of a lovely, green-haired lady. "C-calm yourself, cadet," Noike stammered as she blushed a bright green. "I was merely conducting a psychological exercise. You know that as a Vulcan, I don't feel any emotions."

"And I got some property on Bajor I'd like ta sell ya!" Ryoko crowed. "So Noike, it's not so funny when I steal _your_ lines is it?"

"Will you let it go?" Noike hissed in Ryoko's rather large ear. "_OVA Three_ is my only appearance aside of one episode of GXP. You have three series and three movies to be in, as well as over twenty manga and other books. I'm sorry that I grabbed all the spotlight in _OVA Three_, now will you just let it go?"

"Can't," Ryoko gloated. "I'm too busy admiring your Vulcan-like stoicism. Aha-ha-ha!" The pirate threw her head back in cruel laughter.

The doors hissed open and Tenchi entered the room to see Ryoko cackling and the ship's counselor reduced to tears. He had never seen a Vulcan cry before. This was not a good sign. It didn't look like Ryoko would be cooperating with the doctors on Gehenna Two. Still he had to try.

_Next: Meet Doctor Clay_


	3. Meet Doctor Clay

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**_ **_Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_

_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Three: Meet Doctor Clay_

"Come on, Ryoko," Captain James Tenchi chided. "You can't put this off forever. It's for your own good you know."

The beautiful Burchardian hugged herself and refused to leave the elevator. "I'm just not ready, Tenchi."

"You've had plenty of time to get ready," Tenchi scolded. "You've been treating the _Pioneer_ as your own private cruise ship. You've got to do your time or you'll be on the run forever!"

"You're just trying to get rid of me," Ryoko whined. "You don't want me around so you're going to throw me in prison and forget all about me." The fearsome pirate seemed more like a frightened child on her first day of school than the scourge of the space ways.

"No I'm not!" the young starship captain insisted. "I'm trying to clear your record so you can rejoin society! So you can have a future!"

"You didn't say 'so _we_ could have a future,'" Ryoko sighed sadly.

"_We_ aren't going to have a future if you keep escaping all the time!" Tenchi warned her. "For crying out loud, if you keep breaking out and chasing me down they're going to think I'm an accomplice!"

"That's okay, isn't it?" Ryoko asked hopefully. "We could go on the run together, just you and me! Wouldn't that be wonderful? The galaxy would be our playground, just the two of us!"

"Get serious," Tenchi put his hands on his hips. "If you'd just grow up and take responsibility for your actions just once in your life, you wouldn't be a wanted criminal."

"You don't want me!" Ryoko strode out of the elevator to glare at Tenchi. "You just want to throw me in jail! Where they will lock me up forever!"

"How many times to I have to explain this?" Tenchi sighed irritably. "Gehenna Two is a modern penal colony. They're not prisons like they used to be! I've visited these rehab colonies. They are clean, decent hospitals for sick minds! Honestly, they're more like…resorts, than prisons these days."

"Are you saying my mind is _sick_?" Ryoko growled and made a fist.

"You tell me," Tenchi crossed his arms and refused to be intimidated. "You promised me last time that you wouldn't escape from the ship that was transporting you to Tantalus Colony, and what did you do?"

Now it was Ryoko's turn to cross her arms. "I got to Tantalus Five, didn't I?"

"You were only down there for ten minutes!" Tenchi exclaimed. "You assaulted a guard, hijacked the _Masaki_, and forced the crew to take you to Rigel!"

"No one got hurt did they?" Ryoko spread her arms out wide to emphasize her point. "The ship and crew were released unharmed right? No harm, no foul!"

"That's not the point!" Tenchi insisted. "You've got to cure these criminal impulses of yours! With your powers, you could get yourself into so much trouble! You have got to learn to control yourself, set boundaries. Now let's go, Doctor Clay is waiting for us."

"Us?"

"That's right," Tenchi nodded, "I'm beaming down with you. There's no point leaving you there if you're not going to stay. I want to take a good look at the facility and what it has to offer. I want to make sure that this rehab colony can help you. It's like…picking a doctor."

Ryoko clasped her hands together and smiled as tears formed in her golden eyes. "That's so sweet!" she gushed as she threw her arms around him. "Oh, Tenchi, you really _do_ care about me!"

"Yes," Tenchi sighed, "I do. Heaven help me. Let's go."

It was a short walk from the elevator to the transporter room. Tenchi had ordered the hallway clear of traffic ahead of time to make sure Ryoko wouldn't accidentally hurt anyone if she panicked and bolted.

The doors to the transporter room hissed open and Tenchi and Ryoko entered to find Ayeka, Sasami, and Kiyone waiting for them.

"It's about time," First Officer Lydia Ayeka huffed. "We were afraid that something happened to you!"

"It's all right, Ayeka," Tenchi assured her, "as you can see, Ryoko has agreed to go along peacefully."

"Sorry we took so long, Princess," Ryoko mocked, using her pet name for the wealthy Jurian, "We had to freshen up after we made love."

Ayeka's pale face became as red as Kiyone's uniform as her eyes betrayed her shock. "M-made…l-love? Ooh!" The executive officer clenched her fists and took a deep breath. "You! You just don't know how to stop, do you?"

Ryoko burst out laughing. "That's funny! That's what Tenchi said on his third orgasm!"

Tenchi wanted to crawl away and die. He glanced over to see Kiyone putting her hands over Midshipman Sasami's virgin ears. "Okay, cut it out, let's go."

"Wait a second," Ayeka looked around. "Where's Noike? Isn't the ship's psychiatrist beaming down with you?"

Tenchi continued to blush. "Um, no. She, uh, isn't feeling well."

"Isn't feeling well?" Ayeka repeated. "What's wrong with her?"

"Er um," Tenchi looked away. "Emotional distress."

"What?" Kiyone let go of Sasami's ears in shock, "but she's a _Vulcan_!"

"What can I say?" Ryoko grinned. "Ryoko, one. Shrink, zero!"

"I guess being stuck in a room with _you_ would give anyone a nervous breakdown," Ayeka sniffed haughtily.

"What did you say?" Ryoko growled. The two women clenched their fists and growled at each other. Tenchi imagined he could see lightning bolts crackling between the two women's eyes.

"Okay, that's enough you two!" He scolded, using his 'command voice'. "Ryoko, either you get on the transporter right now, or you're beaming down alone. I mean it!"

"Humph!" Ayeka and Ryoko closed their eyes and turned away from each other simultaneously.

Ryoko stepped past the first officer to address Tenchi. "Okay, capo, I'll get on the transporter, but only one condition: Ya gotta hold my hand!" The sexy space pirate extended her dainty hand.

"What?" Tenchi backed away in surprise.

"You know I'm afraid of the transporter," Ryoko whined with false sweetness. "The thought of my molecules being taken apart and put back together is terrifying!"

"What are you talking about?" Ayeka put her hands on her hips. "You can teleport by yourself, _without_ the use of a transporter, for crying out loud! You just want to get under my skin don't you? Well, I'm not going for it, humph!" The purple-haired first officer crossed her arms closed her eyes and looked away from the cyan-haired space pirate.

"Okay," Tenchi sighed, "I'll hold your hand. Anything to prevent World War Four, now can get onto the transporter, please?"

"What?" Ayeka gasped in horror.

"Oh Tenchi," Ryoko gasped huskily. "Anything for you," she winked cheekily. "_Anything_."

Although Ryoko appeared to be baiting his first officer, Tenchi suspected that she was afraid that the young captain would jump off the transporter pad at the last moment and abandon her. Steeling himself against his newly acquired transporter phobia, he clasped her open hand. He had to teach Ryoko to trust again, or she was doomed.

Kiyone sighed in relief. It looked like she wouldn't have to use the phaser she had brought, just in case.

"Okay," called a happy and oblivious Sasami. "Get on the little circles, you two!" She stepped behind the control pedestal to operate the controls. The juvenile midshipman spoke into a hidden microphone on her panel. "Pioneer to Gehenna Two, we are ready to beam down prisoner and escort. We are requesting deactivation of the security shield."

"Acknowledged, _Pioneer_," a female yet emotionless voice responded, "We are lowering the security shield. You are clear to transport the prisoner."

Ryoko squeezed Tenchi's hand tightly, causing him to wince in pain. He caught himself and smiled reassuringly at her. Trembling, she bravely smiled back.

Despite his brave front, Tenchi still felt uneasy as he looked at the tiny transporter officer. She was so little that she had to stand on a stepstool to activate the controls. All he could see was her little head with her wide pink eyes and her hair in long blue ponytails. The rest of the little cadet was hidden behind the podium.

Tenchi took a deep breath and steeled himself for another beam down. It wasn't Sasami's fault that he was stuck in a teenage body. She wasn't even a member of his crew when it happened. Despite the cadet's youth and inexperience, there had never been a single transporter malfunction on her watch.

Energize," he ordered with false bravado. Now Tenchi could see her tiny little hands darting across the controls.

The transporter room vanished, and a harsh wind blew against Tenchi's face. Looking around, he could see that they were atop a pinnacle of stone protruding out of a rocky chasm that was reminiscent of Earth's Grand Canyon. A whitish sun illuminated a blue sky. In the center of the flat and level top of the natural tower he was standing on was a metallic hut that featured an elevator door. The surroundings seemed barren. Empty. Lonely. He was all alone!

"Ryoko!" he shouted, completely losing his 'captain voice' and falling into his 'little kid voice'.

Ryoko shimmered into view next to him. "What is it? I was just having a look around. What? Did you think that I was trying to run away or somethin'?"

"Er…no," Tenchi chuckled self-consciously, "of course not." He smiled and extended his hand.

"Oh," Ryoko blushed as the young captain held her hand. She was so flustered that she didn't notice him lead her into the elevator inside the metallic hut. At least not until the elevator doors shut and the elevator car plummeted deep into bowels of the earth. "Oh!" She stumbled and fell into Tenchi's arms.

As the car dropped the captain and the pirate hugged each other and glanced around fearfully. "We sure are dropping quite a distance," Tenchi murmured, his voice betraying his uneasiness.

Suddenly, the doors hissed open to reveal a relatively pleasant reception room. The walls were painted in soothing pastel colors and the rug was a drab but pleasant hue. Tenchi and Ryoko stumbled out, gladly to be free of the elevator.

"Welcome to Gehenna Colony," a slim pale woman greeted with all of the warmth of a Vulcan depressant. Her eyes stared vaguely in their direction but did not seem to register them, as if they were not there or beneath notice. "Doctor Clay is waiting for you. I understand that you wished to speak with him Captain Tenchi."

"Why yes," Tenchi eyed the woman warily. Her colorless face and raven black hair matched her lifeless demeanor and made her seem like an animated corpse. "I just wanted to inspect the facility before leaving Ryoko here. I want to make sure that she'll get the best possible care while she's here."

"Yeah," Ryoko nodded. "If you can't give me a clean bill of health, I'll take my business elsewhere."

"Of course," replied the woman without reaction to the unheard of practice of the prisoner choosing the prison. "Walk this way, then." The icy and distracted woman walked stiffly to a door that slid open at her approach. Ryoko followed, mimicking the frigid woman's rigid movements almost perfectly. Tenchi sighed and followed them.

"I told you, Tenchi," Ryoko murmured out of the corner of her mouth. "Places like these turn you into zombies."

"Maybe she was adopted by Vulcans," Tenchi whispered back, but deep in his heart he didn't believe it. He wondered if he should call Starfleet Command and request permission to take Ryoko to another penal colony, or keep his mouth shut and wait for her to escape again.

"Doctor Clay will see you now," said the vacant woman as she gestured to a door. "This way."

Tenchi entered the room to see an extravagant chamber decorated with exquisite sculptures of naked women in erotic poses. His heart fell into his shoes when he realized that Gehenna Two had as much chance of treating Ryoko's criminal tendencies as the Romulans had of joining the Federation.

"Welcome," rumbled a deep and menacing voice, "do come in and make yourselves at home." Seated behind a large mahogany desk was an elderly man dressed in red robe with a dark blue high collar. The figure wore a hat of the same azure hue that was marked with red disk with a yellow glyph in it. Gargoyle seemed to be the best word to describe the man, despite the fact that he appeared to be a basic human type. It was hard to tell. His large lumpy hat seemed to be concealing ridges on his forehead that was common amongst Klingons and many other humanoids of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. Despite being only as tall as Tenchi himself, he seemed much larger since he was so fat that his body looked like a children's toy. His snow-white hair and beard was curled at the bottom like royalty on a playing card. Beneath his snowy white eyebrows was a single predatory eye and a black crystal in his left eye socket that looked like a lump of coal. His large cruel lips parted to reveal jagged and pointed teeth as he grinned. "Welcome to Gehenna Two. I am Doctor Clay. Please, have a seat," he added, gesturing to two plain but comfortable seats that were placed before his massive desk.

"A-heh-heh-heh," Tenchi chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck as he and Ryoko sat down. Doctor Clay was so grotesque that it was hard to take him seriously. His appearance would be more appropriate for an inmate than a physician or administrator. "Hello there," the boy stammered awkwardly. "We called in advance. This is the space pirate, Ryoko. She'll be staying here for while."

"I decided to turn myself in," Ryoko added, determined to have a say in her destiny. "I want to pay my debt to society so I can start over."

"Really," Clay's bushy brows rose in surprise. "It's not everyday that one of our inmates arrives of her own free will. How very unusual," he leered at Ryoko. "Tell me, what has happened recently that made you embark on such a radical change?"

"I met Tenchi," Ryoko's eyes became misty as she smiled affectionately at the underage starship captain, "and he changed my life!" She leaned in his direction and put her arms around him. "I want to be a part of his life and travel the universe with him, but there's no room in his life for a dangerous criminal. The judge said he'd reduce my sentence if he received proof that I'm cured of my criminal impulses." She let go of the squirming boy and leaned forward to Clay with her sweetest coquettish look. "C'mon Doc, can't you find some way to help me?"

"Hmm," the doctor put steepled his fingers together in an attempt at a thoughtful look, but the predatory smirk on his craggy face spoiled the effect somewhat. "That _is_ a knotty problem," he agreed. "You realize that in order to receive treatment, you'll have to stay with us a while, correct?"

"Yes," Ryoko looked down at the floor, "I suppose that's right. And Tenchi will travel far away from me…"

"Yes," Doctor Clay nodded, "and Tenchi will go far away. What a pity. It is too bad that Captain Tenchi couldn't stay here while you were undergoing your treatment. Why with his influence we could shave years off your sentence and give a clean bill of mental health in no time!"

"Yeah!" Ryoko exclaimed. She looked at Tenchi with pleading eyes. "Tenchi, could you stay here with me? I'd really appreciate it, and I promise not to escape."

Tenchi couldn't believe this conversation was happening. "What? Of course not! What about my ship? My career? Do you really expect me to stay here until you're completely legit? You've got to be out of your mind!"

"Duh," Ryoko put her hands on her hips. "That's why we're here."

"Now wait a minute!" Tenchi rose from his chair. "Doctor Clay, you're not serious! Why did you put that ridiculous idea into her head?"

"Oh, but Captain, I _am_ serious," Clay deep voice rumbled. "I'm ashamed of you, abandoning Ryoko in her time of need. You aren't just trying to get rid of her are you?"

"No of course not!" Tenchi's feet seemed to be backing up to the door on their own accord. "What kind of talk is that?"

"It's true!" Ryoko cried. "Look at you! You _are_ trying to get away from me!"

"Ryoko!" Tenchi scolded. "Look, this is for your own good! I didn't commit all those crimes, you did! I don't belong in a penal colony, you do!"

Ryoko leapt to her feet to confront the captain. "Oh, so it's _my_ fault, huh?" she growled. "Think you're better than me, do 'ya?"

Tenchi did his best to backpedal. "Ryoko, you've spent your entire life thinking only of yourself. You've got to think of others if you want to be a 'we' instead of a 'me', you know?"

"I know," Ryoko nodded. "I want us to be a 'we'. Is that so bad?"

"Apparently so," Clay rose to his feet, although Tenchi doubted that the obese doctor had seen them him years. "Your young captain seems to be desperate to abandon you. Strange since nearly all of your tendencies towards responsibility and social belonging seem to be nurtured by his presence."

"Yeah," Ryoko nodded. "Why do you want to get away from me, anyhow? I thought you wanted me to go straight."

"I do, Ryoko!" Tenchi assured her. "It's just that I can't stay here with you, that's all!"

"Oh, but you can," Clay uttered quietly. Soon the room became as silent as a tomb. "You can stay with us for a very long time. I've made arrangements…"

"Arrangements?" Tenchi gasped.

"Why yes," the rotund doctor raised his voice. "Zero! Won't you come in here for a minute?"

"Of course, Doctor," the pale icy woman entered through the door that Tenchi was backing to.

"Show our visitors your true appearance will you?" Clay smiled with feigned boredom.

"Of course, Doctor," repeated Zero as her face began to melt. Her entire body seemed to become liquid and change color. When it solidified again she didn't even appear human.

A brown plastic figure floated less than an inch off the floor where the woman had been. It didn't even have legs, just a slender cylinder where they should have been. Its arms didn't even have hands, they just ended in brown plastic stubs. Its head was a circular screen or sensor. That was all. Where the woman's chest had been was a yellow disk with the same glyph that was on the doctor's hat.

"Remarkable isn't it?" smirked the diabolical doctor. "I found it in some underground ruins on Exo Three. It proved quite compatible with the cellular metamorphosis technology of the inhabitants of Antos Four. It can mimic the form of any humanoid in the galaxy right down to the smallest detail. Don't worry, Captain. I don't think that your crew will miss you. You can stay here as long as you like. Ha-ha-ha!"

"Oh Tenchi!" Ryoko hugged the captain's arm. "I'm so happy!"

Tenchi could only gaze in horror as the robot melted and reformed itself to become his mirror image.

_Next: What Are Little Boys Made Of?_


	4. What Are Little Boys Made Of?

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito_ _Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Four: What Are Little Boys Made Of?_

The universe, it seemed, had a twisted sense of humor. Case in point: Tenchi had beamed down to Gehenna Two to unload Ryoko the space pirate onto the unsuspecting penal colony to see if they could rehabilitate her. Instead, he was now a prisoner and Doctor Clay, the rehab colony's administrator, was revealed to be a mad scientist and not a psychiatrist who specialized in criminal disorders after all.

To add to his humiliation he was stripped to his underpants and strapped to a circular turntable with Zero, a robot that could take the form of nearly any humanoid in the Alpha Quadrant. The corpulent Doctor Clay and the slender Ryoko watched his predicament from behind a control panel.

"Observe," Clay gloated to a mildly concerned Ryoko. "I shall now make a copy of the captain's personality and memories and transfer them to the android. Zero will be a perfect substitute for Captain Tenchi and no one will be the wiser!"

"All right!" exclaimed a happy Ryoko. "_I'll_ have a Tenchi and _they_ will have a Tenchi! It's win-win!"

"Was it really necessary to undress me?" asked the indignant young captain.

"Um, no," Ryoko blushed and glanced away. "That was my idea."

"I knew it," Tenchi sighed.

"Beginning the upload," Clay pressed a switch and the turntable that Tenchi and his android duplicate begin to spin, slowly at first, but then it increased in speed. Tenchi could only close his eyes and try to control his nausea.

Finally the turntable slowed down again and came to a stop. Ryoko gazed at two Tenchis strapped down and clad only in their underwear.

"There," smirked Doctor Clay. "Can you tell which one is which?"

"Yep," answered the cyan-haired space pirate without hesitation. "That one is the robot, and that one is the real Tenchi."

"She's right," a voice like Tenchi's called up from the turntable. "I'm the robot. _He's _Captain Tenchi."

"Oooh!" growled Clay in frustration as he started the turntable up again.

Nearly an hour later, the _Pioneer_ was still orbiting Gehenna Two in the peaceful emptiness of space. The bridge of the _Pioneer_, however, wasn't quite as peaceful.

"What is taking them so long?" Ayeka muttered from the command chair. "Tenchi is late calling in. That space pirate better not be planning to kidnap him and go on the lam _again_!"

"I'm sure she's learned her lesson, Ayeka," Mihoshi smiled from her post at the helm. "She was really sorry after that shootout on Rigel Four."

"Unh," the purple-haired first officer grunted in pain and put her hand on her forehead. Recovering her fighting spirit, she called over to Communications. "Ensign, hail the colony. Tell them that we want to get in contact with our captain immediately!"

"Mew," Ensign Whiskers, the communications officer, was a female humanoid whose skin was covered with brown fur. Her mane of hair had a bluish gray streak in it and a red gem was in the widows' peak on her forehead.

"Urgh," Ayeka sighed. "I forgot that Ryo-ohki in her adult humanoid form was playing the part of the communications officer."

"Oh come on, Ayeka!" Mihoshi implored from the conn. "She's doing her best!"

"Meow! Meow!" Ensign Whiskers nodded vigorously.

"Ryo-ohki only assumed that form in one episode of the OAV and two volumes of the manga," Ayeka grumbled. "She barely even knows how to walk in that form, for crying out loud!"

"But she's been practicing her walking really hard, Ayeka!" Mihoshi pleaded. "She can fill the role, just give her a chance! Please?"

"I see," Ayeka retorted skeptically. "You think that we should have a character who can't talk in charge of communications, is that what you're telling me?"

"Er, uh," the bronze-skinned blonde stammered nervously. "Not when you put it like that..."

"Ensign Whiskers," Ayeka sniffed imperiously. "I order you to repeat this phrase: 'She sells seashells by the seashore.'"

"Mew?" Whiskers mewed timidly.

"Come on, Ensign Whiskers!" Mihoshi cheered. "You can do it! It's easy. 'She shells sea sells...'" The dizzy blonde put a finger to her lips and frowned. "Uh-oh! That's not it! 'She sells she shells...' No, that's not it, I've almost got it! '_She_ sells _she_...' Oh! This is harder than it looks! 'She shells...' Rats! Oh! Ayeka, I think that's too tall of an order, if you ask me!"

Ayeka let out a long sigh. "Ensign Whiskers, could you _please_ contact the base?" she asked in resignation. Her next words were muttered under her breath. "If you can..."

"Meow," Whiskers saluted and then spun her chair to face the communications panel.

"If you can't speak, just type," Ayeka offered in false hope.

"Meow," the feline ensign nodded as she poked at her control panel using only her forefingers.

"Oh no," Ayeka howled as she once again hid her face in her hands. "Why me?"

"I don't know," Mihoshi spun in her chair and put her hand to her chin in thought. "Maybe you did something mean in a past life..."

"Impossible," Washu shook her head from the science station. "The Federation Bureau of Science and Theology discounted the existence of reincarnation in 2247."

"It's hard to prove a negative," Mihoshi countered, "and the Third Guarantee in the Constitution allows any Federation citizen the freedom to practice their religious beliefs, even if their views of the afterlife runs counter to current dogma."

"Wha?" a bead of sweat appeared on Ayeka's temple as she realized that the empty-headed helmswoman was holding her own in a religious debate.

"True enough," Washu conceded, "but Sorinak's treatise on the nature of the _katra_ indicates that after death..."

"Will you two shut up already?" Ayeka shrieked as she jumped out of the captain's chair. "I asked for Ensign Whiskers to contact the colony, not for a politico-religious debate!"

"Take it easy, Ayeka," Mihoshi waved her hand in a conciliatory gesture, "we were just trying to answer your question; we didn't mean anything by it!"

"This is what the burden of command is all about," Washu crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the galley."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ayeka turned on her science officer. "Do you want me to put you down for insubordination?"

"Just that taking command is a responsibility," Washu responded calmly, "and there's no point whining whenever the going gets tough. If anything ever happens to Tenchi we will all be depending on _you_. If you can't handle your bridge officers chewing the fat, how can you handle a _real_ crisis?"

"Oh!" Ayeka's ruby red eyes widened as a bead of sweat trickled down her temple. For a moment she appeared as the teenage cadet that Tenchi had taught at the academy a decade ago. Then her eyes narrowed and she assumed a fighting stance. "Go work in your laboratory or something before I have you confined to quarters," she growled, "and get me someone to man sensors who isn't so lippy!"

"Yay!" cheered the redheaded science officer who was bored to tears with bridge duty and would rather be unearthing the secrets of the universe in her lab. "See ya later!" she teased as she trotted to the elevator doors.

"Why me?" Ayeka sighed as she collapsed into the command chair in defeat.

"Gee, Ayeka," Mihoshi offered from her chair at the helm station, "maybe you did something mean in a previous life..."

"SHUT UP!" the first officer cried.

"Tenchi to _Pioneer_," the voice of the captain came from a speaker on Ensign Whiskers' console. "Tenchi to _Pioneer._ Ryoko has agreed to stay. I'm preparing to beam up."

"Tenchi!" Ayeka dashed over to the communications console and pushed a squawking Whiskers out of the way. "Captain!" the first officer gushed, "we were so worried about you! Why didn't you report in earlier?"

"Sorry about that," Tenchi's voice replied over the radio. "You know how Ryoko gets. It took us a while to convince her that this place could really help her. I completely lost track of time."

"I understand," Ayeka cooed as tears of joy formed in her eyes. "I'm sorry I worried. I should have known better. I'll meet you in the transporter room, my captain!"

"Mew," moaned a mournful Ensign Whiskers as she picked herself off the floor and crawled back into her chair as Ayeka dashed to the elevator. "Fft," She hissed in the direction of the doors that hissed shut after the overjoyed executive officer entered them. Attempting to regain her dignity, the furry communications officer licked the back of her wrist and rubbed her wrist over her large pointed ear.

Down on the planet, a being that looked and sounded like James Jean-Luc Tenchi was completely unaware that he was talking to no one. "Okay, Ayeka, see you there. Tenchi out." Tenchi's facsimile turned to the rotund and short Doctor Clay. "I'm ready to go, Doctor. Are there any last minute instructions that you wish to give me?"

"No," the mad scientist smiled toothily. "I think that you understand. My experiments are very expensive, and the Klingons have agreed to fund my research if..." he trailed off as he surveyed a monitor screen. Displayed was an image of a squirming Tenchi trying to escape the embrace of a love-struck Ryoko.

"If?" The _ersatz_ Tenchi repeated patiently.

"If I deliver the greatest scientific genius in the quadrant into their hands," continued the sinister scientist. "Her scientific know-how is what the Klingons need to have the advantage in their never-ending cold war with the Federation. And to think that the greatest scientific mind in the known universe would be my old pupil..." he pushed a button, causing the image of Tenchi and Ryoko to vanish and be replaced by a still picture of a smiling redheaded girl with mischievous green eyes, "...Washu. The universe can be a very ironic place my friend," Clay's deep voice rumbled. "Very ironic indeed."

_Next: Welcome Aboard, Captain_


	5. Welcome Aboard, Captain

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito_ _Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Five: Welcome Aboard Captain_

"Captain's Log, Stardate 2008.5: I am trapped on the rehab colony on Gehenna Two, and an imposter has assumed command of my ship." Tenchi crept down the hallway, looking left and right. No one in sight. He had to make it to a subspace radio to contact his ship. Ryoko had left him alone 'to slip into something more comfortable' and he didn't know how long he had before she came after him.

"You there!" a guard's voice startled him, "back to your cell."

Tenchi spun to deliver a circle kick to the guard behind him. The burly man went down as the young captain's foot hooked his abdomen. Using the agility of his teenage form, James Tenchi rolled on the ground and back to his feet with the stun pistol the guard was armed with. As the guard attempted to climb to his feet, Tenchi kicked his chin and dashed off down the hallway.

"This ends the stealth part of the mission," Tenchi thought wryly to himself. He attempted to avoid tunnel vision, forcing his eyes to scan left and right for threats. Two more guards entered the hallway from a door sliding open before him, but Tenchi managed to stun them before they acknowledged his existence. Jumping over their unconscious forms, he ran down the hallway to the locked door to the communications room.

Using the gun as a hammer, Tenchi managed to remove a panel from the door controls to expose the circuitry inside. He managed to open the door and found…

…Doctor Clay and three armed guards waiting for him.

"Very good, captain," Doctor Clay rumbled. "You are everything your reputation says you are. Still you are outnumbered and we have the drop on you. You can return to Ryoko's embrace awake or we can carry you."

Tenchi grit his teeth and clenched a fist, then relaxed with a sigh. "Awake," he said as he gripped the stun pistol by the barrel and held it out to the mad doctor.

"How very wise of you, Captain," Clay gloated as he held out his hand to receive the useless gun. Urk!" Before Clay could blink, Tenchi had and arm around the portly doctor's throat and was using the mad scientist as a shield between the guards and himself.

"Tell them to drop their weapons, Doctor!" Tenchi threatened. "Or I'll break your throat!"

"D-do as he says!" Clay gasped. "I-I think he means it!"

The guards glanced at each other, and then one by one, their weapons hit the floor.

"Now, let me contact my ship," Tenchi ordered, "or…"

"Tenchi! Honey!" Ryoko's voice called. "It's your honey!"

"Ryoko!" Tenchi screeched through gritted teeth. "It's you!"

Before his despairing eyes, Ryoko's svelte figure appeared and seized him in her long slender, yet superhumanly strong arms.

"Yah!" Tenchi cried as he was literally swept off his feet and his stunner fell to the ground. "Ryoko, let me go!"

The space pirate giggled girlishly as she held him in her arms and floated down the hall. "Why would I want to do that?"

"You've got to let me get back to my ship!" the boy protested.

"Don't worry about them," she cooed. "They've got a Tenchi already, but this one is all mine!"

Tenchi groaned as Ryoko nuzzled her face next to his.

Meanwhile, on the surface of the planet, the shapeshifting android known as Zero had assumed Tenchi's appearance and was using Tenchi's purloined communicator to contact the _Pioneer_.

"Tenchi to _Pioneer_. One to beam up."

"Aye Captain," a little girl's voice answered from the other end. "One to beam up. Energizing."

The android vanished in a shower of sparks as an electronic hum filled the air.

In orbit around Gehenna Two, the _Pioneer_ placidly circled the planet, unaware that an imposter was materializing in the ship's transporter room.

Zero glanced around the room. It appeared as if he had been beamed aboard by automatic standby. No transporter operator was present.

"Hello, Captain!" a cheerful girl's voice startled the android.

"Wha?" the android looked down to see a pink-eyed girl with sky blue hair wearing a red Starfleet Uniform with a midshipman's pip hidden on her sleeve. "Oh, hello Sasami," the copycat captain greeted as he accessed his memory banks for information on the juvenile cadet.

Subject: Sherry Lynn Sasami. Species: Human/Jurian Hybrid.

Age: Ten standard years. Rank: Third Year Cadet, undergoing Cadet Cruise.

Significant Skills at Professional Level: Astrogation, Communications Systems Operation, Gourmet Cooking, Home Economics, Transporter Operation, Transporter Technology…break.

Zero's data retrieval was interrupted as the doors to the transporter room hissed open and a young woman in a gold miniskirt and black leggings entered. Her eyes were as red as rubies and her hair was as violet at the flowers named after the color. Her round Irish face gave her an appearance of girlish innocence, and her lithe figure and pert bosom revealed her to be in her sexual prime. Her small, delicate mouth smiled and her perfectly manicured hands clasped their dainty fingers around each other as a flutelike, musical voice sighed: "Oh, Captain, it's so good to have you back safe and sound!"

Her smile vanished when Zero did not respond. "Captain?" The gold-skirted goddess chirped as she put her hand to her mouth.

Error! Hormone Overload in Progress.

Unable to access higher cognitive functions.

Recommendation: Clear memory and reboot head.

"Ah…ah…ah…" the duplicate Tenchi stammered stupidly.

Blood capillaries expanding, causing blush reflex.

Cardiovascular system in stress mode.

Digestive System temporarily off line.

Speech Center impaired. Unable to control vocal chords. Attempting bypass.

Physical Dexterity compromised by fifty percent.

"Ayeka?" The android had no idea that her presence would have this affect on him.

"Yes Captain?" Ayeka responded.

"Y-you're beautiful…" he drooled.

Ayeka's blood capillaries expanded and duplicated Zero's blush reflex.

Meanwhile down under the surface of the planet, Tenchi was trying to reason with Ryoko.

"Ryoko, this is kidnapping!" he protested. "Don't you have any conscience at all?"

"Why, do you really think I need one?" she asked with geniune concern.

"C'mon Ryoko, think about it. Which is better, good or evil?"

Ryoko looked at him strangely, and then backed away and looked uneasy. Finally she broke the silence. "From the way you're looking at me, I can tell that the answer must be _really_ obvious…"

Tenchi turned away so that Ryoko wouldn't see a starship captain cry.

_Next: Tenchi Zero in Love_


	6. Tenchi Zero in Love

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito_ _Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Six: Tenchi Zero in Love_

"You're awfully quiet, James," said a worried Ayeka as they rode the elevator up to the bridge. "Is everything all right? You're still not thinking of Ryoko, are you?"

"Who?" the teenage boy seemed to be broken out of a spell. He had been staring at the first officer with a look of awe the entire time, and Ayeka was starting to worry. "No, of course not," Tenchi assured her. "Why would I be thinking of _her_?"

"Yes," Ayeka giggled nervously. "Why indeed?" Ayeka's frail self-ego wouldn't let her believe the captain completely, yet he seemed so genuine. It was as if he was so preoccupied that the space pirate had vanished from his thoughts, yet he had just returned from the penal colony on Gehenna Two. Who else could have put him into such a state of distraction? And why was he staring at her so? He was acting like a love-struck teenager. Okay, so the transporter accident at the Stardate Summit had physically reduced him to an adolescent, but he was still the same mature and responsible man inside wasn't he?

Now Ayeka was not so sure. Tenchi was gazing at her with undisguised longing, yet he had his back to the wall of the turbolift as if trying to maximize the distance from her. Talk about your mixed signals! Just who was responsible for that lost calf look? Ayeka or Ryoko?

The first officer shook her head to clear her thoughts. She was projecting her insecurities on to him, that's all. She was aware that she was too young and inexperienced to be lieutenant commander, let alone first officer. She was infatuated with her commanding officer; that happens all the time. Tenchi only appeared to be an insecure teenager with a crush. In reality he was a mature and responsible officer that she was proud to call her commanding officer. So why was he so uneasy? He hadn't made any promises to Ryoko had he?

Her thoughts were interrupted as the doors to the turbolift hissed open and the elevator car was filled with the whirring, beeping and clicking sounds of the bridge.

"Captain on the bridge," said Cassandra Kiyone as she rose from the captain's chair to return to the Navigation/Ops console to the right of the Helm station.

Mihoshi spun around in her chair to smile at the captain. "Was everything alright on the planet, Captain?" the bubbly blonde asked. "Will Ryoko stay down there, or should we keep her room ready for her? Captain?"

"Captain, are you all right?" Kiyone asked with concern.

Tenchi was just staring at them with his mouth hanging open. His eyes were tracing patterns over their bodies. He was blushing beet red. It was as if he had never seen two bodacious space babes wearing miniskirts before.

"Ah…" he drooled stupidly.

"Are you all right?" Washu strolled by him on the way to her science station. "Maybe you better go to sick bay."

"Washu!" Tenchi growled and fixed her with a predatory gaze. "Yes. Of course." The boy's body language changed completely. Once again, the captain had gone from confused teenager to starship commander in less than a second. With an aggressive tone, he barked an order. "Lieutenant Kiyone, set course to the Archanis system!"

"The Archanis system?" Mihoshi repeated.

"That's all the way in the Beta Quadrant!" Kiyone gasped. "It's on the Klingon border! Why do we want to go there?"

"Meow?" Ensign Whiskers asked from the Communications console.

"Relations with the Klingons have been deteriorating rapidly," the young captain replied. "Starfleet feels that it is best to have our most powerful starships in the area as a deterrent."

"Well, that makes sense," Ayeka muttered, "but how come it's not on our schedule? We haven't received a communiqué have we?"

"I received sealed orders before we left Starbase Ten, Commander," the captain replied. "I wasn't supposed to share it with any of you until Ryoko was safely incarcerated on Gehenna Two."

"Well, okay, I guess…" Ayeka hesitantly admitted, "but I really think that you could have told me, Captain."

"Sorry Ayeka," Tenchi didn't look at her at first. "I was just following orders... uh…" When the boy turned to face his first officer, he started blushing and he lost track of what he was saying.

"What?" Ayeka looked down at her uniform with concern. "I don't have anything stuck to me, do I?"

"No…No…" Tenchi stammered, becoming lost in her beautiful scarlet eyes. "I was just following orders…"

"Zero!" Doctor Clay rumbled in the android's flashback. "I order you to take the _Pioneer_ to the Archanis system and rendezvous with the Klingon battlecruiser _Soja_! There, you will hand Washu over to Captain Kagato and return to the _Pioneer_ and say that she died on landing party duty. Then return here. After I erase the captain's memory and replace it with an edited version of your own, no one shall be the wiser and I'll have all the money I need to fund my research. Ha-ha-ha!"

"Just…following orders," the android that looked like Tenchi repeated. "What was I talking about?"

"You had just given orders to set course to the Archanis system," Ayeka reminded him.

"Oh yes," Zero blinked. "Take us out of orbit, Mihoshi. Ahead warp factor one."

"Aye-aye Cap'n!" the bronze-skinned blonde repeated. "Warp factor one."

The faint roar of the warp drive could be heard as the starship accelerated to light speed, leaving the penal colony on Gehenna Two far behind.

In a chamber in that very same penal colony, the genuine Captain Tenchi had given the space pirate Ryoko a philosophical conundrum that she could not solve.

"Let's see," the cyan-haired Burchardian furrowed her brow in concentration. "Which is better? Good, or evil? Hm. Good or evil? Wow, the answer is harder that it looks!"

"You've got to be kidding, Ryoko!" said an exasperated Tenchi. "You know perfectly well it's…"

"Don't tell me! Don't tell me!" Ryoko shushed him with a gesture. "I'm not stupid. I can figure it out. I may not have had those fancy ethics classes that you starship captains have, but surely I can figure it out by the context! Let's see. Which is better? Good, or evil? Evil gets you the things you want, but good ensures that you aren't on the run from the cops. Hm. Evil keeps you from having friends, but good allows people to take advantage of you. Wow! This is harder than I thought!"

"Oh, Ryoko," moaned a defeated Tenchi with tears in his eyes. "I'm never getting out of here."

The _Pioneer_ sped through space at a speed over five hundred times the speed of light. Although they had begun the journey at warp one, the starship had accelerated once Washu pointed out that at that speed it would take two hundred years to reach their destination. The captain seemed distracted. It was as if he had been replaced by a caricature of himself. All of his gestures and mannerisms were pure Tenchi, just that he had none of the maturity and confidence that typically permeated his juvenile appearance.

For example, when Mihoshi's shift was over, she approached the captain's chair with a clipboard. "Could you sign my vacation form, Cap'n?" she smiled as she held out a pen.

"What?" the young captain tore his eyes away from her chest. "Why of course. Sure."

"Oh my!" Mihoshi exclaimed as her pen hit the floor and rolled under the helm station. "I dropped my pen! Just a minute." The leggy blonde turned around and crawled around on all fours looking for the errant writing implement.

"Mihoshi!" Kiyone hissed at her. "For crying out loud! What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for my pen, Kiyone," the blonde replied, "I dropped it and it bounced down here somewhere."

Kiyone sighed. "Okay. Let me help you. I'll look under my station and you look under yours, okay?"

"Thanks, Kiyone!" Mihoshi smiled. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you!"

Kiyone chuckled weakly as she crouched to the floor and got on her hands and knees.

Soon both of the two officers were searching for the elusive pen on all fours. Ayeka, who was sitting at the engineering subsystems console near the elevator could see her captain transfixed by the sight of the two ladies mooning him with their panties that matched their ridiculously short skirts. Ayeka really began to miss the trousers that were part of the genderless Starfleet uniform last year. The new uniform may be sexy and stylish, but was impractical, and at times, obscene.

"Are you alright, captain?" asked a red-skirted girl whose short hair was as black as night and whose skin was as white as snow.

"W-what?" blushed the flustered captain as he tore his eyes away from his officers' rumps to address the blue-eyed Suzanne Sakuya, who was holding a clipboard and staring at him with concern. "W-why of course I am!" he stammered. "Why would you ask that?"

"Your nose is bleeding," the young yeoman pointed out.

"Wha?" the boy's hands clutched at his face in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Er, uh, I must not have adjusted to the air pressure on board ship after being down on the planet! Um, you better take over until I take care of this, okay?" The boy stumbled to his feet and staggered towards the elevator.

"Me?" asked the concerned Sakuya as her captain bumped into Ayeka's chair while backing into the turbolift. "But I'm not even an officer! I'm just an enlisted woman! I mean, your first officer is _right there_!" The petite yeoman pointed to the engineering subsystems console behind him.

Tenchi turned around to gaze into Ayeka's concerned eyes. "Doh!" he exclaimed as he pinched his nose with both hands and he leaped into the elevator. "Well, uh…put some one in charge 'til I get back! Won't be long, bye!" The bridge was filled with stunned silence as the turbolift doors hissed shut.

"Something's wrong!" Ayeka leapt to her feet.

"I'll say!" Mihoshi agreed. "He left without signing my vacation request form!"

"No you twit!" Ayeka snapped as she stamped her foot. "I mean that it takes a lot more to make Tenchi bleed like that!"

"I'll say," Washu nodded from the science station. "Usually it takes at least one of us to be naked to give Tenchi a nosebleed like that."

"How would you know?" Ayeka growled at her. "Has Tenchi ever seen _you_ naked?"

Washu gasped and then smiled sheepishly. "Oops!" she laughed nervously as a bead of sweat appeared at her temple. "Back to work," the short super genius turned her chair back to her science console.

Ayeka glowered in impotent rage at the back of the science officer's head for a moment and then resumed her announcement. "I'm going to sick bay and talk to Doctor Yosho! That monster woman did something to Tenchi to make him lose his command so she can take him away with her, I'm sure of it! Well it won't work! We are going to find out what she's done and nip it in the bud!"

_Next: The Fairy-child_


	7. The Fairychild

Star Trek: Pioneer

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**__**Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. English Lyrics for "Sleeping Beauty on the Balcony" by Miyoko Miura and © AIC/Pioneer. Additional material from the Star Trek Unofficial Comedy Album. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

Chapter Seven: The Fairy-child

In a comfortable sitting room on Gehenna Two, Ryoko and Tenchi were sharing drinks. "Say, could I ask you something?" the space pirate asked.

"The answer is 'good,'" the miserable captain retorted. "Good is better than evil. I would have thought that was obvious!"

"No, no not that," Ryoko shook her head. "I wanted to gossip about your crew."

"My crew," Tenchi rolled his eyes miserably. "My crew is taking orders from a robot that looks like me. Who knows what he's ordering them to do... I'm stuck here with a maniac…"

"Hey, are you listening to me?" Ryoko snapped her fingers in front of the young lad's eyes.

"I'm sorry," shrugged a resigned Tenchi. "What was the question again?"

"I wanted to talk about your crew," Ryoko repeated. "You know, hear the juicy gossip, now that they're not around."

"Okay," he sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"What is the deal with Mihoshi?" the pirate asked pointblank. "How did a bubblehead like her ever become an officer in the first place?"

"She wasn't always like that," Tenchi responded. "She was at the top of her class at the academy. That's why I requested she be my chief helmswoman. She almost beat the Kobayashi Maru test, and passed with high honors and a rank of lieutenant junior grade instead of ensign. Her paper on transwarp theory had to be read to be believed."

"Is this _Mihoshi _we're talkin' about here?" Ryoko asked skeptically. "I find it hard to believe that she can spell her own name!"

"Yeah, I know," Tenchi chuckled ruefully. "Have you ever heard of the Nomad series of space probes?"

"Should I have?" the pirate shrugged.

"They were a series of deep space probes launched by Earth in the planet's early twenty-first century," the boy explained. "They were designed by Jason Roykirk and Tenchi Okuda to seek out new life. After they left the solar system they collided with a group of robot probes launched from another civilization and a few of them became ridiculously powerful superweapons."

"Are you makin' this stuff up?" the pirate asked skeptically. "How could such a thing be so powerful?"

"We don't know," Tenchi shrugged. "All we know is that the Nomad probe collided with an alien robot called _Gun Tu _that was programmed to sterilize soil samples. The _Gun Tu_ robot used Nomad's parts to repair itself and fill in the holes in its programming and memory. It called itself 'Gonad' and proceeded to seek out and sterilize life forms. Our probe was replaced by a fairy-child. The two machines became one that was programmed for murder."

"How come I never heard about this?" Ryoko questioned critically.

"Their existence was kept hush-hush because Starfleet didn't want a panic," Tenchi explained. "I only found out about them shortly after the Stardate Summit when my crew and I bumped into one of them."

BEGIN FLASHBACK ONE

"I am Gonad. I am perfect," the cylindrical floating machine announced in a high-pitched tinny voice. The robot looked like a one-meter tall old style salt shaker but floated in the air with no visible means of support. "All things that are not perfect must be sterilized. You are the Tenchi. You are the creator. I am Gonad. I am perfect."

"Oh boy," the immature captain groaned. "We're in for it now!" How did they get into this fix? This tiny object had destroyed every man woman and child on Alderaan and now it was aboard his starship!

"Alderaan?" Washu asked in disgust. "Can't the author come up with a better name for a planet than that?"

"This is the same author who wrote 'No Need for Kiyone'," Ayeka shrugged. "What did you expect?"

"I guess you're right," Washu shook her head in disgust. "Ya can't wash a turd, after all…"

Suddenly a woman's voice was heard over the intercom. "I float and sway as I sail in…" the woman sang. "The Slumberland caressed in the sun…"

"What is that sound?" Gonad's harsh grating voice was a convincing impression of a dalek from _Doctor Who_. "Explain the meaning of those words."

"What? The singing?" Tenchi asked.

"Investigate," Gonad announced as it floated out of the conference room and into the corridor.

"What? Stop!" Tenchi reached out to stop it.

"Captain! No!" Ayeka exclaimed as she grabbed him from behind.

"You know what happened to last guys who tried to stop it!" Washu cried as she tackled him by the knees. "That thing disintegrated them!"

"It's nice and warm, it's all right…" the voice sang in dulcet tones.

"You there! Stop right there!" said two burly men wearing red shirts and brandishing hand phasers.

"Whatever you do, don't shoot at it!" Washu shouted.

They fired their phaser pistols, only for the beams to bounce off an invisible barrier with no effect. A ray was emitted from the floating robot that disintegrated the two men where they stood.

Washu's eyes bulged out as her voice trailed off. "Well, okay…I _did_ try to warn you…"

Tenchi could only watch in helpless rage as the floating mechanoid entered the turbolift.

On the bridge, Mihoshi was entertaining the bridge with her musical talent. Ensign Whiskers was so captivated by her performance that the furry communications officer didn't realize that she was leaning on a button and broadcasting the blonde helmswoman's performance to every deck on the ship.

"I float and sway in my sleep," the pointy-eared Mihoshi sang. "Over the Slumberland you know the happiness lies…"

Her song ended abruptly as the doors hissed open to reveal a floating object that appeared to be the love child of a saltshaker and a Christmas tree light display.

Meanwhile, down on deck seven, Chief Medical Officer Yosho and Chief Engineer IO entered the elevator.

"Congratulations, Iggy," Doctor Yosho said to the young officer from Betazed as the doors closed behind them. "You must be the youngest man to ever be promoted to chief engineer aboard a starship this size."

"Bridge," the youthful lieutenant ordered as he seized a handle protruding from the wall of the car. "Yeah, I'm surprised I got such a major role. Usually the only thing worse than an author writing himself into a story is an author writing his friends into a story. They always take over and the whole fanfic falls apart. The author says he hates those."

"Don't worry about it, IO," the fatherly medical doctor assured him. "It's not as if you're a kung fu master with superpowers or anything. Just stay in character and I'm sure that our readers will accept you. Just be yourself."

"Thanks," IO nodded as the doors hissed open to the bridge.

The spectacle that greeted Doc Yosho and Lieutenant IO as they entered the bridge stopped them in their tracks and left them speechless. The awesome superweapon known as Gonad was floating less than two feet away from Barbie Mihoshi's helm station, and the terrified helmswoman stammered to answer its questions.

"I was singing," she explained. "I was making music. You know what music is, don't you?"

"Explain," Gonad ordered in its harsh tinny voice. "Explain the function of music."

"Function?" the bronze-skinned blonde gulped. "I…I…I…uh…I was singing. Kiyone and I do karaoke all the time, don't we Kiyone?"

"What?" said the terrified officer at the tactical/ops station to Mihoshi's right. "Yeah! We were just entertaining the bridge that's all!"

"We were just having fun!" Mihoshi exclaimed.

"Fun?" Gonad repeated. "Explain the meaning of 'fun'."

"Er, uh, I don't know quite how to explain…" Mihoshi muttered.

"Uploading data from the Mihoshi unit," the robot stated as a white light was emitted from a lens on its surface to illuminate Mihoshi's head.

"Duh…" Mihoshi's eyes glazed over and she relaxed, going completely limp in her chair.

"Mihoshi!" IO cried as the elevator doors hissed open behind him. Tenchi, Ayeka, and Washu entered the bridge just in time to see the chief engineer leap towards the robot. "Get away from her!" the young lieutenant cried.

A lightning bolt of energy enveloped IO's body as he was catapulted across the room like a rag doll. Tenchi, Ayeka, and Yosho ran to the engineer's side as the rest of the bridge remained as still as statues.

"Doctor, is he?" Tenchi couldn't finish his question.

"He's dead, Jim," the Doctor grimly announced.

END FLASHBACK ONE

"Wow, you lost your engineer and Mihoshi was zapped!" Ryoko interrupted. "What happened to her?"

"It took everything," Tenchi glanced at the floor and shook his head. "Completely emptied her head. There was nothing but air beneath that hair. Amnesia was nothing compared to what it did. She was reduced to an infant."

"Did you manage to cure her?" the pirate asked.

"No," Tenchi shook his head. "We managed to reeducate her. She may have been back to the nursery but she was still a genius. With her head that empty, her learning curve was unbelievable. Noike and Yosho had her up to college level by the end of the week."

"If she's such a genius, why does she act so stupid?" Ryoko asked skeptically. "She doesn't seem very smart to me."

"She's smarter than any of us except maybe Washu," Tenchi retorted. "Think about it. We can give her information, but not experience. Her skills may be over Starfleet minimums, but according to her memory, she's only a year old!"

"One year?" Ryoko blinked. "That's it? All she can remember is one year?"

"Yes," Tenchi said sadly. "She leans heavily on Kiyone, her roommate. She kind of imprinted on her, I guess. She can fly a spaceship and navigate through an asteroid field, but to her mind, she's only one year old. How mature were _you_ when you were one?"

"Whoa," Ryoko gasped. "Poor Mihoshi. I had no idea that a career in Starfleet was so dangerous! Did Gonad kill anyone else after that?"

"Well, yes," Tenchi looked away. "It did 'sterilize' one other officer."

BEGIN FLASHBACK TWO

Mary Sue was a talented officer. She was smarter than Washu, more beautiful than Ayeka, more skilled than Kiyone and had a nicer personality than Mihoshi. As the records officer, she was third in command of the _Pioneer_. She attempted to reason with the indestructible killer robot.

"You can't kill me," she insisted. "You have been programmed to destroy anything that's not perfect. I _am_ perfect."

"Hrrg…hrmm," the mechanical mass murderer shuddered as it processed the data and smoke rose out of its sensor grills. "Nobody likes a smart aleck," it announced.

Mary Sue screamed as a beam of light was fired from the robot and she disappeared.

END FLASHBACK TWO

"Noike hid under her bunk until Gonad was destroyed." Tenchi finished. "That was the first time anyone ever saw a Vulcan pee her pants."

"So what did you do?" Ryoko asked. "You couldn't shoot it, right?"

"No, we couldn't shoot it, and it had the power to scour all life off a planet," Tenchi agreed, "but it did have one weakness. Its messed-up program forced it to destroy anything that wasn't perfect. The way to destroy it was to catch it making a mistake. That way it was forced to destroy itself."

BEGIN FLASHBACK THREE

"I am Monad," the clockwork killer announced to the bridge. "Gonad! I am Gonad!" it quickly corrected itself.

"Now wait a minute!" Tenchi exclaimed. "You made a mistake!"

"No I didn't!" The machine insisted childishly.

"Yes you did!" Tenchi insisted.

"I was joking," Gonad lamely justified itself. "Ha. Ha. Ha," it said stiffly. "How's the Ayeka-unit?" it asked, attempting to change the subject. "I am Gonad. I am prefect…perfect! I am perfect!"

"Now wait a minute!" Tenchi interrupted. "You just made a mistake! You did not realize that you made a mistake! That's two errors! You did not realize that you did not realize that you made a mistake, that's three errors! You've already made an infinite number of errors! Execute your prime function!"

"Okay," the machine said.

"No wait!" Tenchi held out his hand like a traffic cop as he touched a button on the arm of his command chair. "Washu, beam it out!"

The electronic hum of the transporter filled the machine known as Gonad vanished in a shower of sparks. Afterwards the ship shook as an explosive force struck the hull and Tenchi staggered against the railing.

"Yay!" the bridge crew cheered.

"Warp factor one," Tenchi leaned back in his command chair and shrugged nonchalantly.

END FLASHBACK THREE

Next: The Enemy On Board

_**IO is owned by Ignorant One, the moon of Jupiter, the mistress of Zeus, and anyone else who has those initials**__**. **_


	8. The Enemy On Board

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**__**Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Eight: The Enemy On Board_

"Captain's Log, Stardate 2008.6. While I am trapped in the rehab colony on Gehenna Two my doppelganger, the android Zero, is in charge of the _Pioneer_."

The _Pioneer_ zoomed through space. In the captain's quarters on deck five, the shapeshifting robot known as Zero studied the form it had taken in a mirror.

Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi was a short slender youth of Japanese ancestry, comely in appearance but not physically impressive otherwise. Still, the android stared into the lustrous dark eyes in the mirror as if trying to fathom the mysteries of Tenchi's soul.

Thanks to the download it received from the Exoan technology that Clay had procured, Zero not only had Tenchi's physical form but also his memories, personality, physical responses and reflexes as well. This made it impossible for those closest to Tenchi to distinguish it from the real thing. And yet…

This was what it was like to be Tenchi. Constantly surrounded by beautiful women yet bound by both a personal code of honor and the Starfleet code of conduct to never touch them, to never find paradise in their arms. To never choose one to as a lover, to never kiss any of them goodnight or tell one the he would happily spend the rest of his life with her. He had no idea that a life form could suffer such torment and yet be so undeserving of such pain.

Tenchi's will must be indomitable to keep such conflicting emotions in check. Zero cursed the weaknesses that Captain Tenchi must curse, it fantasized about the women that Tenchi must dream of. It felt ashamed at the parts of Tenchi's nature that shamed the captain.

No, that was not accurate. It felt ashamed at the parts of Tenchi's nature that, unlike the original, it could not suppress, accept or control. The real Tenchi had lived with his personal demons all his life. The transporter accident that transformed him into an adolescent had merely intensified the struggle by fueling the conflict with the hormones of puberty. Although Tenchi's body may react like a growing child, Tenchi's will was that of an adult who had mastered himself before taking on the responsibility of being the master of others.

Now Zero was subject to the same temptations that Tenchi was, only the android's will did not seem up to the challenge. With all of Tenchi's human foibles imprinted into its personality, Zero found it difficult to cope. To masquerade as a starship captain it had to be in control. Rational. Logical. Sensible. Predictable.

Zero erupted into uncharacteristic laughter. So flawless was its impersonation of Tenchi had it could even appreciate irony. To be a starship captain, a man must deny his human weaknesses and act like a machine, and here was Zero, a machine trying to act like a man.

Tenchi's personality seemed much stronger than the others Zero had impersonated in the past. Perhaps it was because as a starship captain, Tenchi needed a stronger will than the average sentient being. Maybe it was the hormones that intensified Tenchi's persona past acceptable limits. Or perhaps it was because Tenchi was the first being Zero had imitated that the robot could actually admire.

Unlike any of the others it had pretended to be, Tenchi had lived up to the ridiculously high morals he had set for himself. As an impartial outsider, Zero could look back at Tenchi's life and understand that Tenchi had consistently acted to the best of his ability despite all temptations to the contrary. All of the others Zero had impersonated had failed to follow their own moral code. Tenchi had blamed himself for his moral weaknesses in the past, but he had always acted as duty and honor had demanded, even if at times it was at the last minute. None of the others had.

Zero found itself resenting the incarcerated original for foisting his weakness on his duplicate while keeping his merits that could not be duplicated for himself. Such a reaction was irrational, but it was human. Zero smiled weakly with Tenchi's face. At least it could do that right. All it had to do was to resist the women's charms. If Tenchi could do it, than surely an unfeeling machine could, right? As long as the drive as purely reproductive and not the philosophical conundrum that poets labeled 'true love' it should be possible to resist giving in to a temptation that the real Tenchi was strong enough to resist.

The robot cursed silently as the door chimes sounded. The problem with being captain was that it was impossible to sequester himself until the voyage was over. The credit stopped with him, as the saying goes and the responsibilities that went with command never ceased.

"Come," it called in Tenchi's voice. Perhaps it could face them one at a time.

"Hi Jim," Doctor Yosho entered with a twinkle in his eye. "I understand that you got a nosebleed on the bridge. What happened, did Washu flash you again?"

"What?" Zero started. "No, of course not! It's nothing, Doc. I would have come to you if anything was wrong."

"You look terrible," Yosho shrugged. "Want to go the rec deck and shoot some pool?"

"The recreation deck?" Zero asked. "Not really. Couldn't we just stay here?"

"Come on Jim," the bespectacled physician chided. "I know that losing Ryoko hit you pretty hard, but there's no point staying in here and moping about her. This is for the best. For her own good. You're going to have to get back on the horse sooner or later. Besides, being out in public will be good for you. Be good for the crew too. Convince them you're still alive."

What did the doctor mean by that? Had Zero really been hiding in Tenchi's quarters that long? The crew would start to get suspicious. The old man was right, it was time to get out and pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary.

"You win, Doc," the fake Tenchi shrugged, "but I break."

"That's the spirit," Yosho smiled.

When they entered the recreation area on deck eight, the lights were out. Only the illumination from the hallway could be seen. "What's the matter here, is the power out?" Zero complained. "Lights," it commanded.

"Surprise!" came a chorus of voices as the lights flashed on. A number of officers and crew were in the rec deck. Many were wearing ridiculous party hats that that clashed with their colorful uniforms. Banners were set up on the walls with slogans like "Happy Birthday Captain Tenchi". A huge multi-tiered cake with almost fifty candles dominated the center of the room. "Happy Birthday Captain!" the crowd cheered.

"Wha?" stammered the shocked android.

"Happy Birthday, James," said the dainty and beautiful Ayeka.

"Happy Birthday, Skipper," winked the short and saucy Washu.

"Congratulations on making it to forty-eight sir," Petty Officer Sakuya tapped his shoulder. "With the adventures that _you've_ had, that's quite an accomplishment!"

"Er, yeah," Zero smiled weakly. "I guess so."

"Hi…!" called Mihoshi's voice as the top of the cake opened to reveal the blonde in a red bathing suit and high heels. "Happy Birthday, Captain!" Kiyone and Yosho grasped her arms and pulled her down to greet the captain. "I'd like to sing a song for our bashful birthday boy!" The bronze skinned woman announced as she held up a microphone. As she began to sing, her body became languorous and seductive. "Happy…Birthday…Captain Tenchi…" she sang breathlessly doing her best Marilyn Monroe impression.

"B-but…it's not my birthday," the copycat captain protested, then he lost control of his voice entirely as Mihoshi's tanned arm went around his neck and she pulled him in close to her.

"Happy Birthday…to…you…" Mihoshi's face dipped dangerously close to Zero's with each teasing word she chanted, causing the android's knees to collapse under him and forcing him to seize Mihoshi's body for support.

That was a mistake. Her bare skin and silky bathing suit seemed hot enough to burn toast yet smooth enough to be nearly frictionless to the malfunctioning robot's senses. "Doh!" the delirious duplicate ejaculated. He pushed himself away from Mihoshi, causing himself to fall into the cake.

A miracle of twenty-third century baking allowed the leggy helmswoman to actually jump out of a cake that was, in reality, a cake. Now that Mihoshi was out, the invisible network of photons and forcefields were deactivated so that the partygoers could actually eat the fluffy white angel food cake that had moments ago, concealed a full grown woman in its interior.

Of course, now that the field was off, there was nothing to keep Zero from falling right through and find himself covered with crumbs and frosting. As the dizzy doppelganger pulled himself out of the cake, the crowd erupted into good-natured laughter.

"Hey, Tenchi," Washu winked saucily. "Why don't you come back to my cabin and I'll get ya clean!" she chortled. "Heck you can even unwrap your birthday present if ya want. Ha-ha-ha!"

Ayeka, Yosho, and Noike gazed at the spectacle grimly as the android wiped frosting out of his eyes.

"What do you think?" Ayeka asked them quietly. "What's your professional opinion?"

"That's not the captain I know," Doctor Yosho shook his head. "I think that Tenchi needs a vacation."

"Agreed," the beautiful green-haired Vulcan nodded. "The captain does not seem to have complete control of his faculties. I do not recommend that he face any real challenge."

"We don't want to subject him to an examination!" Ayeka hissed. "In his condition, he'd be declared unfit for command! That's exactly what Ryoko wants, I'm sure of it! Somehow we've got to get him back to normal off the books or Tenchi's career is finished!"

Light-years behind the _Pioneer_, hundreds of feet beneath the surface of Gehenna Two, Tenchi was enduring his stay at the penal colony. Ryoko had assembled a number of inmates in a meeting room. Five rows of chairs faced a podium at the far end of the room where the glamorous space pirate was addressing a motley group of humanoids that didn't fit into the utopia that was the United Federation of Planets.

"Hello, everyone," a smiling Ryoko waved. "My name is Ryoko and I'm a habitual criminal."

"Hello Ryoko," the group chorused.

In the front row, Tenchi groaned silently. Despite being a party to his kidnapping, Ryoko insisted on rehabilitating herself during her stay. She claimed that she wanted to be cured of her criminal behavior before the fake Tenchi was discovered and Starfleet sent in a commando team to rescue him and that they had to act fast. Tenchi had to agree that her heart was in the right place, but she was just fooling herself. Still, attending therapy sessions with Ryoko was better than being attacked or confined to a cell, and gave him opportunities to observe his surroundings and try to come up with a plan.

"Is this seat taken?" Tenchi's thoughts were interrupted by a humanoid with sky-blue skin, straight white hair and two wriggling antennae on his forehead. "Hi," the Andorian extended his hand. "I'm Shev Shrill. What are you in for?"

Tenchi attempted to think of a response that would make this pest just _go away_. "I'm James Tenchi," he grinned without warmth. "I killed my family."

"Really," mused the Andorian. "Small universe."

Tenchi shuddered in his chair as a bead of sweat appeared at his temple and trickled down the side of his head.

_Next: Guinea Pig_


	9. Guinea Pig

Star Trek: Pioneer

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**__**Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Nine:_ _Guinea Pig_

Cake crumbs flaking from his uniform, the android that assumed Tenchi's form exited the elevator and staggered down the corridor to the captain's personal quarters on deck five. How could the crew have thought that today was Tenchi's birthday? Thinking about it, the robot decided that the mistake was an easy one, since not everybody on board was used to the new Stardate system of timekeeping. 'Metric time', the captain had once called it. Now that a single number replaced months and years, it would be easy for fallible organic beings to get the days mixed up.

The door to Tenchi's room opened to as Zero stumbled inside. He should get four or five hours of downtime to reboot and run a level one self-diagnostic before something demanded the captain's attention. He had to admire the resilience of a weak and fallible being like Captain Tenchi to endure being in charge of this crazy ship…

"Long day?" a woman's deep voice interrupted the fake captain's thoughts. Zero let his mouth drop open as he spied a pair of short, slender, and naked legs appear out of the darkness to lounge on 'his' bed.

"Lights!" The word was out of the android's mouth before he could stop it.

Lounging comfortably on Tenchi's bed was Lieutenant Washu, the chief science officer. The diminutive redhead was wearing one of James Tenchi's civilian shirts, a white poofy number that would be appropriate to Errol Flynn or a swashbuckler from a sappy romance rather than a stodgy underage starship captain. It was fortunate that Tenchi's shirt covered a lot of the short scientist, since she didn't seem to be wearing anything else.

Worse yet was her body language. Despite her relaxed and languid manner, Washu posed as if auditioning to be the cover girl of a swimsuit magazine. One leg was straight and the other bent at the knee, in order to give the captain the best view of her lower extremities as possible. Despite science officer's undeveloped and juvenile appearance, her legs were quite shapely, and Zero suspected that she was flexing them while somehow making them appear totally relaxed. In her hands was a book, an old style book with a cover and pages like the kind they stopped making decades ago. She was sucking on the arm of a pair of reading glasses and looking at him with a combination of sultry desire and ingenious innocence. Although James Tenchi wasn't physically attracted to underage girls, Washu's posture was more than enough to kick-start the boy's reproductive drive.

Despite the fact that its cognitive functions were impaired, Zero was able to postulate a number of questions. What was Washu doing in Tenchi's room? Did she suspect he wasn't Tenchi? Why was she out of uniform and looking at him that way? And how was she able to read a book while waiting for him with the lights out?

With electronic speed, Zero was able to access the downloaded copy of Tenchi's wit. "You're in the wrong quarters, Lieutenant." He allowed himself a smile. His had sounded deep and masculine and not high-pitched and whiny like he expected.

"There's a plasma leak near my quarters," Washu teased, while winking and exposing a slender shoulder, "So I asked the computer if I could stay with you a few days. It was ever so obliging."

Accessing the plans of the _Pioneer _revealed that there were no major EPS conduits near Washu's quarters, but Zero didn't expect Washu's response to be truthful anyway. "Couldn't you stay with Ayeka?" he sighed as he sat down in a chair. Conflicting memories competed for use of his hard drive. On one side were Doctor Clay's instructions. "Zero! You are to capture Washu and turn her over to the Klingons! Ha-ha-ha!" On the other side were Tenchi's downloaded memories of the last time Washu had tried something like this. "Tenchi! Please? Won't you be my little guinea pig? You promised me you would!"

The one thing that Zero didn't seem to be accessing was how Tenchi got himself out of this situation that last time he had found Washu in his quarters. He wouldn't call security, wouldn't put her on report, wouldn't give in to her desires and wouldn't order her out either. What did that leave? Retreat? Ridiculous! These were Tenchi's quarters! A good captain never surrenders his ship or any part of it. Think! Think!

Washu giggled like the girl she appeared to be. "Ayeka's got too much stuff in her quarters, your cabin is much more Spartan. That leaves plenty of room for little ol' me!" Washu made an exaggerated gesture of looking around the room. "Problem is, I don't see another bed in here, so we're going to have to share!" The redhead erupted in mischievous laughter, and Zero wondered how much the little genius had to drink during his birthday party.

It was a scientific fact that those with less body weight were more susceptible to the same amount of alcohol than those with greater mass. Even though Washu was a full-grown adult on her planet, her body could only handle liquor like a child from Tenchi's planet.

"C'mon Tenchi," Washu sat up to draw her legs underneath her and kneel on Tenchi's bed. "You need to relax. It's hard being captain, and I'll bet you miss Ryoko," she teased. "Little Washu will help you forget all about her. Yes I will! Yes I will!"

Yep. Washu had drunk way too much. Any inhibitions that she had seemed to be jettisoned out the airlock. Worse yet, Zero's inhibitions were fading fast. His borrowed face became scarlet. He was not about to be seduced by his target! For crying out loud, Zero was a cold and logical machine and Doctor Clay had ordered him, no ordered _it_, to capture Washu and hand her over to the Klingons, and here Tenchi's personality had allowed him to be…

"Hey!" Zero glanced down in alarm. "What are you doing? Why are you taking off my belt?"

Washu was off his bed and undoing his black Starfleet regulation trousers. "You've got birthday cake all over yourself! Time to take off that dirty uniform and take a shower. Tell you what, I'll wash your back for you, sweetie!" Washu's perverted laugh reminded Zero of the time Washu had strapped Tenchi down and put on a 20th century Earth nurse's uniform.

"What!" Zero nearly jumped out of Tenchi's skin, but succeeded only in jumping out of Tenchi's pants. "Are you crazy? This is insubordination! Agh!" His boots catching on the black trousers that Washu was clinging too. Arms flailing, the android tumbled to the floor.

He used Tenchi's stolen reflexes to kick out of his boots and pants to insure his mobility, but Washu's lithe and tiny body was on top of him before he knew it.

"Tenchi!" Washu pleaded in a teasing voice. "Are you hurt? Maybe nurse Washu needs to kiss it and make it better…"

"Get off!" Zero ordered.

"Maybe after you do!" Washu teased. "After all, we're going to have to wait a while afterwards, but then we can do it all over again…"

"Yee-augh!" Despite the failsafes designed to prevent Zero from accessing any superhuman abilities while imitating someone else, the android managed to pry Washu off and throw her through the air. The ripping sound told him that the front half of his gold shirt was torn off and went sailing away with Washu as well.

The short scientist did an acrobatic flip and managed to land on her feet without injury, reminding Zero that Washu was an alien with an advanced nervous system compared to the Terran human and that even a sedentary scientist from her planet could perform Olympic feats of agility.

Washu's emerald green eyes lit up as she caressed the tatters of Tenchi's gold shirt. "Wow! You just can't wait for the rough stuff can you?"

"Wha?" Zero glanced down at himself to see that despite the gold sleeves on his arms, Tenchi's naked chest was exposed and that only underpants and a pair of socks covered his lower extremities.

"I'm with you, big boy!" Washu cried while jumping through the air at him. "Let's do it on the floor right now!"

"Yaah!" Zero rolled to his feet and headed to the door. Now that he thought about it, Captain Tenchi had executed tactical retreats when confronted with love-hungry ladies once or twice. Surely it wouldn't blow his cover to run half naked out of his quarters while screaming like a schoolgirl.

The robot's progress towards the door was impeded just as the door slid open. Washu had gotten a hold of his cotton underpants and was pulling on them with all of her might. Outside the door was Midshipman Sasami, her bubblegum pink eyes blinking in surprise.

"Oh!" Sasami exhaled and then held out a clipboard and a pen out to the struggling shapeshifter. "Captain Tenchi. Ensign Haruna wants to know if it's okay to run a level one diagnostic on the transporter system as long as we're going to be at warp for a few days. You know they've been acting up lately…"

Zero was unable to take the clipboard and pen because his hands were clinging onto the doorframe. Tears were forming in his eyes due to the pressure he was receiving from his underpants. His nose was bleeding due to the proximity of a girl who wasn't wearing pants attempting to remove his by force. Washu was tugging so hard that he couldn't get any closer to Sasami, even he wanted to.

"Sure," the 'droid grunted with stress, passion, and pain, "Tell her…hurg! To get on it…ehh! At her earliest convenience!"

"Okay," Sasami nodded, seemingly oblivious to Zero's struggles and Washu's perverted giggles. "Now if you could just initial here…"

Zero overrode his disguise protocols to give him the strength to hang on with just one arm. His other hand grasped the pen and he scratched unreadable letters onto paper on the clipboard Sasami was holding out.

"and here…" Sasami fold a corner of paper back to reveal another form. Zero initialed it. "and here…" The blue-haired cadet folded back a second corner. "and here." Zero initialed yet a fourth form while struggling with Washu for possession of his underpants. "Thank-Que!" chirped Sasami. "Have a nice time!" She waved and walked down the corridor.

Enough was enough. Zero had to get out of here. Given Tenchi's temperament, if he allowed himself to become physically intimate with Washu he would never be able to hand her over to the Klingons without deleting Tenchi's personality and blowing his cover. Using the full strength of his android body, Zero used both arms and thrust himself out the door, ignoring the ripping sound that accompanied many of Tenchi's first season fights.

Washu found herself lying on the floor with Tenchi's torn underpants in her hands. "Wow!" she blinked as she watched her captain retreat down the hall. "Where did he get that tattoo?" Picking herself off the ground she went back to the bed and picked up her book. Pulling a pen off a bedside table she made a check on a page that she used to keep score of her victories. "That's another for me. Hee-hee-hee-hee!"

The door chime rung on Ayeka's quarters. "Coming," she answered as she walked to the door. The door slid open to reveal a disheveled Tenchi wearing only his sleeves and the back of his shirt. His naked chest was breathing hard and his pants… He wasn't wearing pants! Or any underpants, for that matter!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" The scream was heard all over deck five, causing one officer to call security.

_Next: Responsibility_


	10. Responsibility

Star Trek: Pioneer

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**__**Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Ten: Responsibility_

"Tenchi…!" Ryoko called playfully. "Time for bed!"

"I don't feel like it," the boy grumbled.

"C'mon, Tenchi, you can't stay up forever," Ryoko teased. "Come on to bed. I'm waiting…"

Ryoko was wearing a filmy nightgown and reclining in the king-sized bed the Doctor Clay had thoughtfully put into the luxurious suite that was their cell. It looked more like an expensive hotel room than a cell in a maximum-security penal colony.

Tenchi, on the other hand was still wearing his uniform and was leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. His scowl could have frightened small children. "It's going to be a long wait," he grumbled.

"What's the matter, Tenchi?" Ryoko asked with the innocence of a child. "We've started two new therapy programs and had a lot of fun too. Doctor Clay moved us into a big room that we can share! I know that with your love and support, I'll be cured of my criminal tendencies in no time!"

"Who are you fooling?" Tenchi looked away. "I'm not going to make love to you, Ryoko."

"What?" Tears formed in the pirate's eyes. "Why not?"

"Why should I?" he responded coldly. "_You_ are a party to my kidnapping. I would have escaped already if not for you. Do you honestly expect me to _reward_ that kind of behavior?"

"But," Ryoko's bottom lip trembled as a tear trickled down her cheek. "I thought I was getting better…I thought you were proud of me!"

"Proud of you for what?" Tenchi shrugged as he looked at the door. "All you've done is take over the facility while Doctor Clay spends time on whatever his master plan is. I'm sorry, but how do you expect to convince me that you're getting better when you are holding me against my will?"

"I…I…" More tears trickled down her face. "I hoped that I'd grow on you. That I'd get better and then I would rescue you. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"How can I answer that when you don't give me any choices?" Tenchi retorted. "I love spending time with you, Ryoko, but when you kidnap me and put a robot duplicate on my ship you diminish me in ways you can't even think of!"

"I…I…" Ryoko sniveled. "I'm sorry! I just didn't want you to leave me here all alone!" She rose out of the bed to cross over to Tenchi and hug him. When he didn't hug her back, the pirate's knees buckled and she slid slowly down his body. "I'm sorry, Tenchi! I'll make it up to you! I'm sorry I've hurt you! Tell me what I've got to do and I'll do it!"

Tenchi looked away from the door and looked the pirate in the eye. "You know what you've got to do."

Ryoko hugged his leg and cried.

In the meantime, light-years and parsecs away, the starship _Pioneer _soared through space.

"Oh…" Washu groaned as she entered sickbay.

"Something the matter?" Doctor Yosho asked genially from his desk.

"I think I had too much to drink last night," the redheaded science officer put her hand on her forehead. "I don't feel so good… Do you got anything for a hangover?"

"I've been handing out a lot of these after Tenchi's 'birthday party' last night," the bespectacled doctor replied as he reached for a bottle of pills. "Here try some of this." He tossed the bottle to Washu, who caught it with one hand. "Very good," Yosho teased. "I see that your hangover hasn't dulled your incredible Chousin reflexes."

"I wish that my nervous system was as primitive as yours," Washu snapped back. "Then I wouldn't be able to tell _exactly_ how much pain I'm really in." She tossed two pills into her mouth and swallowed them.

"That's right!" Yosho cried. "You're from the planet Chousin! Those hangover pills will kill someone from your planet!"

Washu's eyes bulged in horror. "What?" she shouted.

Yosho laughed. "I see those pills really _do_ sober you up," he teased.

"Shut up," Washu growled. "So what did I take, anyhow?"

"Some harmless placeboes," the elderly doctor shrugged as he opened a drawer. "You're the fourth person I've got with that joke. You really were putting it away last night so I prepared an antitoxin for you ahead of time." He pulled out a futuristic hypodermic that did not need a needle. "Give me your arm." The hiss of the hypo let them know that the medication passed through Washu's skin and sleeve and into her bloodstream. "There you go. All better."

"Not quite," Washu groaned. "I really made a fool of myself last night."

"It could have been worse," Doc Yosho shrugged. "You could have ended up in Ayeka's quarters without any clothes like…er…but I digress. Did you do anything that you might be ashamed of?"

"I did things that would end my career if Tenchi wasn't our captain," Washu grumbled. "Last night I broke into the captain's quarters and ripped his pants off."

The elderly doctor tried to hide his laughter.

"It isn't funny!" Washu insisted. "I really went over the line last night! Your Terran liquor is too strong for my Chousin body. Tenchi had to flee the room wearing nothing but a smile! I even saw his tattoo." Washu scared Yosho by suddenly shouting "His tattoo!"

"What?" asked the startled physician. "What about his tattoo? He doesn't have a tattoo. I didn't know Tenchi had a tattoo."

"He doesn't," Washu was now all business. "At least, he didn't before he beamed down to Gehenna Two! Ayeka _thought_ that something happened to him down there and now we've got proof!"

At that moment, on deck five, the door chimes sounded at Ayeka's quarters. "Come in," the girlish first officer called.

To her surprise, Captain James Tenchi was there. "Hello Ayeka," he said quietly. "May I come in?"

"Why of course, Captain," she stepped aside to let him in.

"James, please," he corrected as he entered.

"Wha?" gasped Ayeka. "Why of course…James. What can I do for you?"

"First Ayeka, I want to apologize for what happened last night," the captain said as he blushed and looked at the floor. "You were the only one I could turn to, the first one I thought of. I'm sorry."

"Well I suppose that I should be flattered," Ayeka smiled weakly.

Tenchi returned her weak smile. "I'm sorry that um, I entered your quarters under such circumstances. If at all possible I'd like a do over." He laughed nervously.

"Sure James," she nodded cagily. "Whatever you want." A do over? What did he mean by that? What was he talking about?

Tenchi rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away. "Heh-heh, uh…" He braced himself and faced his feminine first officer. "That fiasco last night makes what I have to say even harder. I don't know if the timing is right but I can't hold this in anymore. I've got to tell you."

"Okay," she said lifelessly. It was as bad as she feared. Tenchi was going to resign. She felt as if her life was over too. Somehow Ryoko had managed to reduce her beloved captain into a spineless jellyfish. Tenchi realized that his ability to lead was gone, and he was going to step aside…

"I love you, Ayeka," he said quietly.

The effect was as if someone had waked the first officer up using a bucket of ice water. "What?" she exclaimed.

"I love you, Ayeka!" Tenchi repeated, his eyes shining and his voice gaining strength and sincerity. "I've always loved you. I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself but I don't care anymore. I can't go on like this. I need you Ayeka. I need you bad."

"Oh…" Ayeka covered her face and started to cry. "Oh Tenchi…! What has happened to you?"

"Ayeka?" Tenchi asked in disbelief. "I just said that I love you. I thought that you loved me too. Sure it might interfere with our careers but other than that what's wrong?"

"Oh Tenchi…" Ayeka collapsed to her knees. "Tenchi…" she sobbed. What's happened to you?"

"Ayeka!" the captain grasped her by the shoulders and lifted her to her feet. "Are you all right? What's wrong? Nothing has happened to me!"

"Tenchi…Tenchi," sobbed the despairing woman. "I've failed you."

"You haven't failed me," Tenchi insisted, getting more of a 'captain' quality in his voice. "I love you and you love me! I would think that you would be happy!"

"No!" Ayeka turned away and tore herself out of his arms. "No!" She pressed her body against the wall as if she was trying to push her body through the bulkhead. "You said you loved me!"

"Yes!" demanded the confused captain. "What's wrong with that?"

Ayeka turned to face him. There was no tenderness in her face, only hatred and scorn. "The _real_ Captain Tenchi would never say that!"

_Next: No Need for Imposters_


	11. No Need For Imposters

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Eleven: No Need For Imposters_

In his laboratory on Gehenna Two, the corpulent Doctor Clay was perfecting his research in mind control. "Yes!" he cried. "I have done it! This food supplement makes the test subjects forty-three percent more susceptible to mental suggestion than the previous formula! Ha-ha-ha! I wonder which government or intelligence agency will pay the most for my mind control formula?"

Suddenly, a woman's fist smashed through the door to the lab, causing the monocular mad scientist to jump and turn to see Ryoko tearing the door apart with her gloved hands.

"B-but the door wasn't locked…" Clay stammered. "I just had it painted!"

Ryoko was clad in a red and black spandex catsuit and she had on her 'war face'. Captain Tenchi pushed a button, and the shattered door hissed into the wall and he entered the lab.

"Ryoko, you could have just phased or teleported into the lab, you know," the gold shirted Tenchi chided.

"I wanted to smash something and it was either Clay's door or Clay's head!" Ryoko growled as her hand reached under the fat doctor's multiple chins in search of his cleverly hidden neck. Apparently she found it, for she lifted him into the air. "Okay, Clay!" she shook the squirming mastermind for emphasis. "We're getting out of here! Show us where your escape ship is or I'll kill ya!" She dropped him on the floor and he scrabbled to his feet.

"Ryoko!" he choked out. "What…what is the matter? I thought you were happy. Good food, comfortable rooms, spending time with the man you love. I hear you are leading your therapy group! Why do you want to leave?"

"You monster!" Ryoko snarled. "You tricked me into hurting Tenchi! My relationship with Tenchi is the one thing in my life I can be proud of! The one thing I haven't sullied. Now I've hurt him, and I don't know if he can ever forgive me!"

"But…but…" Clay's single eye bulged out in fear. "Please! Don't hurt me! Tell me how I can make it up to you!"

"Criminal masterminds like you always have an escape ship nearby," she retorted. "Where is it?"

Clay's face became sly. "Oh ho! So that's it! Trying to help your precious Captain Tenchi escape, huh? You really had me fooled there, Ryoko. You won't hurt me. Captain Tenchi is a law abiding man, and he won't let you."

Tenchi yawned and stretched pretending to be bored. "I'm going for a walk, Ryoko," he said. "Can I get you anything while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, how 'bout a coffee?" Ryoko replied as she massaged her fist. "Get me a Startrekbucks double latte, none of the cheap stuff."

"Whu?" gasped the sweating Clay.

"Can do," the captain responded as he left the room.

Clay watched the ruined door shut behind Captain Tenchi but turned when Ryoko opened and shut a drawer on his desk.

Ryoko smiled mischievously. "Well Doctor, looks like its just you… me… this drawer… and _your_ balls." She slammed the drawer shut for emphasis.

Doctor Clay looked as if he was having trouble breathing.

After visiting the colony's cafeteria, Tenchi strolled leisurely back to Clay's lab. Since there was a Ryoko-sized hole in the door he had no trouble hearing the sound of a drawer slamming and the shriek of a man in pain. After a start of surprise, Tenchi smirked and continued down the hall.

By the time he got back, Clay was spilling his guts. "There's a secret passage that leads to a monorail," the sweating scientist explained. "It will take you to a hidden hanger where I have a spaceship, but it won't take off unless you give the computer the correct access code!"

"And would you kindly tell us what the code is, perchance?" Ryoko asked with false courtesy.

Clay erupted into indignant rage. "If I tell you that, I'll have nothing to bargain with!"

"You know what would go with this coffee?" Tenchi suggested. "Donuts. I think I saw some donuts in the cafeteria. You want me to get you some?"

"Sure, Tenchi," Ryoko winked as she sauntered over to Clay's desk. "Some donuts would really hit the spot."

Clay looked like he was going to cry.

Hundreds of lightyears away, the _USS Pioneer_ warped through the cosmos at speeds that scientists of earlier centuries would claim was impossible.

In her cabin on deck five, first officer Lydia Ayeka confronted an android that looked exactly like Captain Tenchi. "You heard what I said!" Ayeka clenched her fists and blinked through the tears in her eyes. "The _real _Captain Tenchi would never say that! Not out of the blue! Not in the middle of a classified mission to the Klingon border! I don't know who you are or what you've done to my captain but you better confess our I'll _make_ you tell me!"

"Ayeka…" Tenchi's tearful duplicate reached out a hand to placate her. "You don't know what you're saying. Of course I'm James Tenchi. Who else would I be?"

"I don't know!" Ayeka fumed. "All I know is that I've failed my captain by allowing an imposter to take control of his ship! Oh Tenchi, how could I fail you…"

"You haven't failed me," the android assured her. When he put his hand on her shoulder, the purple-haired first officer slapped it away.

"Don't you touch me!" Ayeka growled. "Where is Tenchi? You're nothing like him! You're doing something to him, aren't you, and I will not allow it!"

"Zero," the android bowed his head and put his hands on his face. "I'm nobody! I'm just a big zero!" Sobbing in despair, the android turned and fled Ayeka's room.

"Tenchi!" Ayeka extended her hand to the retreating imposter, but then clenched her fist against her chest. The imposter seemed so real. Who was he? A shapeshifting alien? A robot duplicate? Could the real Tenchi be possessed by an obsessive ex-girlfriend? Any of those possibilities could be true, but the only way to find out was to have the ersatz officer who claimed to be James Tenchi arrested and brought to sickbay for an examination.

She went to the wall and activated an intercom. "This is Commander Ayeka!" she announced to the ship. "We have an intruder alert! There is an imposter aboard and he looks exactly like Captain Tenchi! He is to be subdued and taken to sickbay immediately! This is a direct order!"

Outside in the corridor, the fake captain Tenchi was biting his knuckle and trying to contain the emotions that Ayeka's reaction had forced to the surface. The real captain Tenchi would never lose control like that! If he wanted the tiniest chance of succeeding in his assignment or winning Ayeka's love he would have to…

The android's musings were halted when he heard Ayeka's shipwide announcement. "This is Commander Ayeka! We have an intruder alert! There is an imposter aboard and he looks exactly like Captain Tenchi! He is to be subdued and taken to sickbay immediately! This is a direct order!"

Instinctively, the imposter flattened himself against the wall and glanced left and right. If he were functioning rationally, he would be able to turn the tables on Ayeka and convince the crew that _she_ was the imposter.

But he wasn't functioning rationally. Indeed, the sting of Ayeka's rejection had released powerful emotions that threatened to cause a cascade failure in his positronic net. Tears stung his eyes and conflicting impulses went through his systems. Lashing out, running away, surrender, self-destruction, they all seemed like viable options, but a decision could not be made. He kept changing his mind in nanoseconds. The logical option would be to hide until his efficiency returned to acceptable parameters.

He had to shed Tenchi's form. Had to look like someone else. But who? Whose form should he take? There had to be somebody who no one would suspect no matter how irrationally (s)he acted.

As if in answer, the android spotted a nameplate on the door directly across from him. _Lieutenant Barbie Mihoshi, 5C 46_

The door to Mihoshi's quarters slid open, but the dizzy blonde didn't hear a thing. She was sleeping in her bed wearing pink pajamas and clutching a worn teddy bear. Drool escaped her lips as she muttered. "Why Captain Tenchi, this is so sudden!" Snores and giggles were emitted from the dozing damsel as a shadow fell over her. "Tee-hee! Why Tenchi! I can't believe you're taking me to Wrigley's Pleasure Planet!"

Shadow enveloped the android's face as it stared at her prostrate form. Tenchi's features melted like wax as the intruder grew and blonde hair erupted from its head. In moment's Barbie Mihoshi's exact duplicate was staring impassively down at that the sleeping siren. The difference was that the standing Mihoshi was in uniform and frowned with cold cruel eyes…

_Next: Enemy Among Us_


	12. Enemy Among Us

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Twelve: Enemy Among Us_

The doors to the bridge hissed open and Lieutenant Commander Lydia Ayeka stormed onto the Pioneer's command center, her long purple ponytails trailing behind her. "I'm ordering a full stop!" she announced. "We're not going to move another kilometer until we get to the bottom of this!"

"The controls aren't responding, Commander," the woman at helm responded.

"What do you mean the controls aren't responding?" Ayeka demanded. She walked over to Mihoshi's station. "Get out of the way!" Ayeka pushed some buttons on the helm console and the ship dropped out of warp. "Guh! You're useless! Why Tenchi doesn't replace you is beyond me!"

"I'm sorry," A blushing and teary-eyed Mihoshi bit her knuckle nervously.

"Fly this ship right or I'll find someone who can!" Ayeka snapped as she turned to go to the command chair.

"Mihoshi, what is wrong with you?" the red skirted Kiyone hissed from the navigation/ops station. "That is really incompetent even for you! Mihoshi?"

The teal haired tactical officer was shocked to see the ditzy helmswoman quietly crying.

"Mihoshi!" Kiyone gasped. "Are you okay?"

"Ayeka doesn't like me," Mihoshi sobbed.

"What?" Kiyone blinked.

"She doesn't like me!" Mihoshi shouted through her tears. "I try and try but Ayeka doesn't like me! Waah!"

"Ugh," gasped Ayeka as sweat drops appeared on the heads of all of the officers on the bridge. "Er, um are you feeling well Mihoshi?" Ayeka asked sweetly. "Do you want to go to sick bay?"

"No!" Mihoshi shouted. "I mean 'no ma'am'," she added in a softer voice. "I can manage. I can do this Commander," Mihoshi assured her. "Just give me a chance! I'm fine. I just haven't got enough sleep."

"You sleep all the time!" Kiyone insisted.

In Mihoshi's quarters on deck five, a blonde woman with pointed ears was lying in bed, a deactivated alarm clock on a table only inches away. "Kiyone," the bronze skinned woman mumbled in her sleep. "Look, an entire mountain made of ice cream. Let's eat it, okay? (snore)"

On deck three, Ayeka called a meeting in conference room one.

Ayeka had assembled the department heads to assess the situation. Nearly every important person on the ship was here. At the head of the table, Lydia Ayeka looked around at the _Pioneer_'s senior officers. The flame haired Washu was at her right. Seated next to her was Lt. Commander Yosho, the elderly chief medical officer. Across the table from the doctor was Lt. Mihoshi, still gazing at Ayeka with blue eyes reddened by tears. Seated on Ayeka's left was Lt. Kiyone, the _Pioneer_'s attractive teal-haired chief tactical officer. At the other end of the table, the furry Ensign Whiskers munched on a carrot while the chief engineer Lt. Commander Jay Nobuyuki a broadshouldered bespectacled man with a thin moustache, looked bewildered.

"_I'm _the chief engineer?" Nobuyuki whispered to Whiskers. "How did _that_ happen?"

"Meow," Whiskers shrugged.

"We've just finished a shipwide search for Captain Tenchi," Kiyone reported. "Still no trace of him."

"No one knows this ship like captain Tenchi," Doctor Yosho pointed out. "If he wanted to, he could hide indefinitely."

"But why would he hide?" Kiyone asked him. "It just doesn't make sense!"

"He would hide if he was an imposter," Washu replied coolly.

"We don't know for sure if he is an imposter," Ayeka retorted. "There is a slim possibility that he really _is_ James Tenchi, and that something has affected his mind."

"I don't think so," Washu shook her head. "It doesn't explain his tattoo."

"Tattoo?" Ayeka asked pointblank. "What tattoo?"

"Er," A bead of sweat appeared at Washu's temple and the little science officer scratched at her neck uncomfortably. "It seems that Captain Tenchi has a tattoo on his left buttock. I recognize that logo as the symbol of my old teacher. Doctor Clay used to label all of his favorite material possessions. That means that either he thinks of Tenchi as an object or he has replaced the captain with an android duplicate."

"Would it be too much to ask how you noticed a tattoo on Tenchi's bare posterior?" Ayeka asked, crossing her arms.

"Er, maybe it would, ma'am," Washu smiled uneasily. "I was pretty drunk last night and don't remember much." Suddenly Washu's green eyes became bright and mischievous. "I understand _you_ got a look at his naked hindquarters too, Commander. Didn't Tenchi pay you a surprise visit last night?"

"Erg," Now it was Ayeka's turn to sweat. "That is none of your concern!" she insisted. "It wasn't the real Captain Tenchi anyway. It was the imposter, I'm sure of it!"

"But how do you know that Tenchi is an imposter?" asked Mihoshi as she nervously bit her knuckle.

"Tenchi has been mentally undressing us ever since he returned from Gehenna Two," Ayeka responded. "He has become a spineless jellyfish and acting in ways inappropriate for a commanding officer!"

"Spineless jellyfish?" Mihoshi became indignant. "That's a little harsh, isn't it?"

Ayeka just ignored her. "I know that pirate woman is behind this!" she announced. "That is why I've decided to turn this ship around and set course back to the Gehenna system!"

"B-but Tenchi ordered us to the Archanis system," Mihoshi insisted. "He had sealed orders from Starfleet! We could get in big trouble if we disobey them!"

"I've never seen a copy of those supposed 'sealed orders,'" Ayeka sniffed disdainfully. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was just a ruse to send us in the wrong direction while Ryoko spirits the real Tenchi away to the Cardassian border!"

"The Federation knew about the Cardassians in Kirk's time?" Nobuyuki scratched his head. "I thought that was just in _Next Generation_."

"Quit trying so hard Nobuyuki," Doctor Yosho suggested. "Just go with the flow and you'll get a bigger part."

"Okay, Dad," the chief engineer nodded. "I guess you're right."

"I'm sure that the answers to this mystery are on Gehenna Two," Ayeka announced. "So that's where we are going. In the meantime, double the guard in engineering and all other sensitive areas of the ship. We don't want our intruder to become a saboteur. Dismissed."

As the officers left the briefing room, Mihoshi poked Ayeka shyly on the shoulder. "C-commander, do you really think that we have an imposter on the ship?"

"What are you, deaf?" Ayeka snapped irritably. "I just finished telling you that…oh Mihoshi, you really _are_ upset aren't you?" Ayeka's voice had changed from childish crabbiness to motherly concern in less than a second.

"Y-yes," Mihoshi stammered. "W-what did the imposter do that let you know it wasn't Tenchi?"

"It…it's nothing," Ayeka looked away. "I'm sure it was all lies anyway."

"How do you know it was lies?" Mihoshi insisted. "Captain Tenchi could be in trouble and trying to get help. What did he do that made you think that he isn't real?"

"H-he said that he loved me," Ayeka said wistfully, a tear trickling down her cheek. "I know that the real Captain Tenchi would never do that."

"What do you mean, 'he would never do that'? Of course he would!"

"No he wouldn't you bubble-brain," Ayeka hissed. "Not in a million years!"

"Why wouldn't he?" Mihoshi still would not give up. Ayeka could tell that Mihoshi was desperate to believe that Tenchi would. "He loves you, doesn't he?"

"What makes you say that?" Ayeka put her hand over her chest and backed up a step.

"He loves you Ayeka," Mihoshi pleaded. "Please, give him a chance! Please, Ayeka! Please-please-please!"

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Ayeka asked with concern. "Mihoshi, calm down," the prim and proper first officer put her hands out in a placating gesture. "We will find Captain Tenchi, never fear. He will be all right. You'll see." Ayeka didn't know what to do. Mihoshi really seemed upset. Was this how she herself acted every time Captain Tenchi was in trouble? No wonder Washu gave her a hard time. How to handle a hysterical woman? What would Tenchi do?"

"Just…give him a chance, Ayeka," Mihoshi pleaded. "I know the captain has been acting strangely lately but I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for his behavior! He needs you, Ayeka and you're turning your back on him! Give him another chance!"

"If he would just show up unharmed I'd give him _every_ chance," Ayeka grumbled.

"Oh Ayeka!" Mihoshi hugged her commanding officer gratefully.

"As soon as he turned himself in and submitted to a full medical examination so we could verify his identity," the first officer continued.

"You won't give him a chance!" Mihoshi screamed as she ran away. "Waaaah!"

Ayeka could only start in confusion as the bawling blonde ran out of the room crying. When she recovered, she tugged at the collar of her gold blouse. "Oh bother, Mihoshi got tears all over my uniform," she grumbled as she made her way to the turbolift. "Deck Five," she mumbled as she held the palm sensitive handle that confirmed her identity. The doors hissed open and Ayeka made her way to her quarters. When she entered, she was shocked at what she saw.

"Mihoshi!" she squeaked. "What are you, a cat burglar?"

Sure enough, the hopeless helmswoman was in her room gazing wistfully at a picture of Ayeka and Tenchi. She cringed at the sound of the first officer's voice and looked like she was about to cry again. "Oh, Ayeka," she said weakly. "Are you still going to turn the ship around?"

"Yes, of course!" Ayeka stomped over to the dimwitted damsel. "I don't know what is wrong with you Mihoshi, but I'm ordering you to report to sickbay. Apparently whatever affected Captain Tenchi is contagious!"

The blonde visibly winced at those words and then put her arms around her surprised first officer. "Oh Ayeka, I'm sorry…" she sniveled.

Not sure what to do, Ayeka tentatively return the embrace. "I'm sorry too," she said gently, as if talking to a small child, "but I'm worried about you, Mihoshi, and I really think that you should check yourself into sickbay."

"I…I've already been there," Mihoshi whispered as if confessing the most shameful thing she had ever done.

"And what did the doctor say?" Ayeka patted her back, humoring her.

The hiss of a needleless hypodermic was the blonde's initial response. Mihoshi took the hypo away from Ayeka's neck as the first officer's crimson eyes rolled back and her knees gave away. Mihoshi kept a tight hold on Ayeka's limp form and gently carried the unconscious officer to her bed.

"They didn't know I was there," Mihoshi sniveled. "Oh Ayeka! I'm sorry! So sorry!" She cried as tears streamed down her cheeks. As Ayeka dozed in dreamless slumber, Mihoshi's bronze skin began to run like melting wax. Soon there was a flawless duplicate of the first officer standing over Ayeka, right down to her purple hair and scarlet eyes.

The duplicate Ayeka sniffed twice and attempted to dry her tears. She bit her knuckle and glanced around guiltily. "I'll be back as soon as I can," she whispered as she turned around and walked out the door.

_Next: Who's Giving the Orders Around Here?_


	13. Who's Giving The Orders Around Here?

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Thirteen: Who's Giving the Orders Around Here?_

"Oh no!" Lt. Mihoshi bawled as she ran down the hall to the turbolift. "I'm late! Late! Whoa!" she ran a zero-g cart being pushed by an enlisted crewman. "Ohhh," she groaned as she lay on the floor looking at the stars spinning around her head.

On the bridge, Mihoshi's absence was noticed. "Where is that dingleberry?" asked an exasperated Kiyone.

"I don't know," said Sherry Lynn Sasami, the plucky third year cadet seated at Communications.

"She must have stopped by the snack bar on the way up," Washu shrugged from her science station. "Don't make such a big deal out of it. There are other officers to cover for her. This ship has over four hundred men and women on board y'know."

"Yes, but Ensign Whiskers is filling in for Mihoshi until she gets back!" Kiyone complained.

"Meow?" said the confused furry alien sitting at the helm station to Kiyone's right.

"Don't worry about it," Washu shrugged. "In other continuities, Ryo-ohki can turn into a spaceship. I'm sure that she can pilot the ship back to Gehenna Two."

"Mew!" Whiskers nodded proudly.

"Well, if you say so," Kiyone agreed nervously. If Ryo-ohki still had trouble walking in her adult humanoid form, how good of a pilot could she be?

"Oh boy! Oh boy! I finally get a part in this story!" Nobuyuki exclaimed from the captain's chair. "I'm the chief engineer! If I'm reading the stripes on my sleeves properly I'm a lieutenant commander! That means that I'm the highest-ranking officer on the bridge! I've got the conn! I'm the big cheese in this scene! I call the shots! I give the orders right now!"

"So give an order already!" Washu growled as she threw a crumpled up piece of paper at Nobuyuki's head.

"Alright," said a deflated Nobuyuki. "Sheesh! Allow me to savor this, why don't you? Okay girls, here we go. My first order is…"

At that moment the turbolift doors opened and first officer Lydia Ayeka stormed onto the bridge. "Full stop!" she ordered. "Stop this ship at once! That is an order!"

"But…but…" Nobuyuki stammered.

"Commander Nobuyuki," the purple-haired first officer commanded. "I'll take the conn now. You may return to engineering."

"But the cameras are never rolling in engineering!" he complained. "I've got no lines! It's like the first season of Next Generation where they didn't even have a chief engineer. Every week the engineer would change until Geordi was promoted in season two!"

"I'm taking control!" Ayeka sneered in his face. "Get out of that chair and return to your post, mister!"

"Oh…okay," the disappointed chief engineer rose to tower over his dainty superior. "I'm going now." He paused by the turbolift doors to glance back at the bridge officers. "No one needs anything up here, do they?"

"We're good, thanks," Washu answered.

"Okay then," he said sadly. The turbolift doors opened and a flustered Mihoshi dashed in to collide with Nobuyuki and send them both to the floor.

"Aah!" cried a surprised Mihoshi sprawled atop the stunned engineer.

"This isn't nearly as enjoyable as I expected it to be," said Nobuyuki as his eyes spun in his head. "I expected Mihoshi jumping on top of me to feel a lot better than this. Although…" An evil smirk crossed his lips as his hand reached out to fondle the blonde's posterior. "Urrm," he coughed nervously as he noticed that everyone on the bridge aside of himself was female and giving him dirty looks. "Never mind," he muttered as his hand returned to the floor. The women turned to go back to their stations.

"Oh my, I'm sorry Nobuyuki!" Mihoshi chirped as she recovered. "I'll get off you right away!"

"That isn't necessary…oh well," he sighed as the slender yet curvaceous blonde stood up and offered him a hand. "Thank you," he muttered as he was helped to his feet.

"Lieutenant Mihoshi," Ayeka snapped. "Back to your post!"

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Commander Ayeka," Mihoshi bowed in apology. "Someone took the batteries out of my alarm clock, and I overslept and…"

"Mihoshi!" Ayeka's voice became a shriek. "Belay your prattling at once! Sit down and shut up and prepare to plot a course correction!"

"Another one?" Kiyone blinked. "But we just turned around and set course to the Gehenna system!

"We are heading back at maximum warp," Sasami added.

"What part of 'full stop' do you people not understand?" Ayeka snarled. "I said full stop and I meant full stop! Who's at helm anyhow? Ohhh," the first officer groaned as she saw a stunned Ensign Whiskers staring at her with large golden eyes.

"Meow?" Whiskers cocked her furry head. "Mreow!" she exclaimed when she realized that Ayeka had given her a direct order. "Meow! Mreow! Yow!" she cried as she started pushing buttons frantically.

"Oh no Ensign Whiskers," Mihoshi implored as she trotted to the helm station. "Let me do it!" The dizzy helmswoman started pushing buttons over the furry ensign's shoulder.

"No Mihoshi!" Kiyone shouted. "Let Whiskers do it! If you both try to control it at once…"

An alarm klaxon sounded and the bridge was bathed in red light.

"AAAAAAH!" the girls screamed.

"Taking the ship out of warp," Nobuyuki grunted. Fortunately the engineering/power allocation console was right next to the turbolift doors and he had rushed to the controls when Mihoshi started interfering with Whiskers' operations. "Warp bubble collapsed. We're drifting at sublight speeds."

"What happened?" Ayeka asked while clutching the arms of the command chair with white bloodless fingers.

"I'm not sure, but warp power is off line," Nobuyuki shrugged. "Looks like I'm needed in engineering after all. See you." As the turbolift doors opened he suddenly smiled. "Hey, I just saved the day! I was afraid that I was expendable redshirt…Aaaah!" Since Nobuyuki was looking behind him as he entered the turbolift he didn't notice that there was no car waiting for him. Just an empty shaft. After a sickening thud, the females on the bridge heard the engineer call out. "I'm all right," as the elevator doors closed.

Washu shook her head. "Poor Nobuyuki. Oh well, he fared better than he did in _Tenchi in Tokyo_."

"I…I'm sorry, Ayeka!" a panicked Mihoshi bowed in front of the prim and proper first officer. "I just tried to help! It won't happen again, I promise!"

"It's not your fault, Mihoshi," Ayeka sighed while rolling her eyes.

"It's not?" Mihoshi was stunned at the first officer's remark, but then immediately brightened. "Wow! Thank you, Ayeka! You're the best!"

"Wha?" Washu, Sasami and Kiyone exclaimed. Instead of going ballistic, Ayeka simply seemed resigned, and exhibited an almost Tenchi-like tolerance.

"Wow!" Midshipman Sasami chirped as she left the communications console. "That was very nice of you, Ayeka! Normally when Mihoshi messes up like this, you get a lot more upset."

Ayeka blinked in surprise. "I do?"

"Yep," Sasami nodded. "Usually you go totally bug eyed, but today, you're being a lot more patient."

"Eep," Ayeka bit her knuckle as her eyes darted around the bridge guiltily. "Mihoshi!" she suddenly leapt to her feet, her voice becoming childish and bratty. "You are a moron, an idiot, and a nincompoop, did you know that?"

"Oh yeah," Mihoshi shrugged nonchalantly. "That's old news."

"Err," Whatever Ayeka expected the dizzy blonde to say, that wasn't it. She bit her knuckle and looked around the bridge as if hiding a guilty secret.

"Are you all right, Ayeka?" Mihoshi asked her.

"What!" Ayeka took a step back as her head darted around the room as if she was being hunted. "Yes. Yes. I'm fine Mihoshi. I'm just worried about Tenchi. Thank you for your concern."

"Mew," Ensign Whiskers was struggling out of the helm station and staggered over to the railing that separated Command, Helm, and Ops from the outer ring of the circular bridge.

"Oh dear," Ayeka sighed. "Poor Ryo-ohki. Ensign Whiskers, let me help you." Before the astonished eyes of the bridge crew, Ayeka took the arm of the furry communications officer and put it around her shoulder. "Okay, lean on me," she said to the struggling communications officer. "Up the steps now. You can do it. Lean on me." Slowly they walked to the vacant communications station. Okay, here's your seat. Can you manage on your own?"

"Mew," Whiskers nodded gratefully as she sat down at the Comm station.

"Okay," Ayeka sighed. "Now let's get back to work. Kiyone, plot us a course back to the Archanis system and…what's everybody staring at?"

"Nothing," Mihoshi squeaked as she quickly sat down at the helm station.

"Is everything okay?" Ayeka asked. "I don't have fur on my uniform, do I?"

Washu startled her by speaking up from the science station that was directly behind Ayeka. "No, it's just usually you can't stand it when Ensign Whiskers is on the bridge. You usually try to find an excuse to get rid of her."

"Mew," Ensign Whiskers nodded sadly.

"No I don't," Ayeka insisted. "Whiskers can do her job. Why would I try to get rid of her?"

"Meow?" Now even Ensign Whiskers was staring at Ayeka strangely.

The purplehaired first officer became agitated under such scrutiny. She bit her knuckle nervously. "Um, I'm going to go to engineering. Kiyone, you have the conn until I get back, okay? See you." With that, Ayeka dashed into the turbolift doors and fell down the shaft. "Aaaaaaaaah!" she screamed. A thud was heard and then a mournful call. "I'm all right."

"What was all that about?" Kiyone asked as the elevator doors hissed shut.

"She definitely wasn't herself," Washu crossed her arms.

"If she wasn't herself, than who was she?" Mihoshi asked with childish innocence.

"Don't be silly," Kiyone chided. "Washu wasn't speaking literally."

"Or was I?" Washu muttered.

"I hope she's all right," Sasami murmured. "It looks like whatever Tenchi had is catching."

"Yeah, it sure does," Washu murmured as she drummed her fingers on her console. "Hmmm," she nodded her head in thought.

_Next: The Beat of a Metal Heart_


	14. The Beat of a Metal Heart

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. Bugblatter Beast of Tral by Douglas Adams © BBC. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Fourteen: The Beat of a Metal Heart_

"Ayeka?" Tenchi's voice floated through the hazy cloud that the stunned Juraian found herself floating in. "Ayeka? Ayeka come back to me."

"Tenchi?" she called out. "It's dark! Where are you?"

"I'm here, Ayeka," he stepped out of the darkness wearing formal wear from Lydia Ayeka's home planet. White jacket, trousers, and shirt with large triangular gold buttons. He looked like he was dressed for a wedding. "You look beautiful, Lydia," he said.

Ayeka started in surprise. Only her parents called her that. Even her last boyfriend called her by her last name. "James? What is…?"

"Don't forsake me, Ayeka," Tenchi implored, his Star Fleet uniform ripped and tattered the way it was when they were being chased last year by the ravenous bugblatter beast on the planet Tral. As Ayeka recalled, they had only escaped by blindfolding themselves with the remains of Tenchi's shirt. The creature was so stupid that it assumed that if they couldn't see it, it couldn't see them. Daft as a bush, the bugblatter beast, but very, very, ravenous.

Tenchi extended a hand to his trembling first officer as a powerful wind ruffled his uniform and hair. "Don't abandon me! I need your help! Ahhhh…." Suddenly, James Tenchi was pulled into the air and disappeared into the darkness. It was as if an airlock had opened behind him and sucked him into a vacuum.

"James! James…!" Ayeka cried. "Ahhh!" she screamed as she sat up on her bed, her heart pounding and her head spinning. "Ugh…whu…" she collapsed again and fought to remain conscious. What was she doing? Why was she lying on top of her bed while still in uniform? Why was she lying down in the first place when James Tenchi needed her? Where was he? What was happening? Slowly, the memories of the events after the ship left Gehenna Two entered her befuddled mind. "L…lights," she murmured, seeking to confirm her location. For all she knew, she could have been anywhere.

She squinted her ruby red eyes as her quarters were bathed in illumination. "Errm," she groaned as she held out a hand to shield her eyes. She summoned her strength and pushed herself up to a sitting position with her arms. She pivoted to put her booted feet on the floor when saw him.

James Tenchi was sitting a chair biting his knuckle while watching her intently. "Are you alright, Ayeka?"

"Yes…" the purple haired Jurian hesitantly lied while trying to stop the room from spinning. "I think so, how about you?"

"Better," the boy smiled with relief. "You really had me worried, Ayeka. I came looking for you."

"Looking for me?" Ayeka decided to humor him until she knew whether or not this was the James Tenchi that she knew and loved.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "I heard that you fell down the elevator shaft when you left the bridge."

"I fell down the elevator shaft?" Ayeka had no memory of that.

"Yep," he nodded. "It seems that the turbolift malfunctioned. You, me, and Mr. Nobuyuki all fell down the elevator shaft. Fortunately the gravitic shock absorbers at the bottom of the shaft broke our fall but knocked us silly. I've been wandering around the turboshafts trying to get out and not get hit be a passing car."

"So that's where you've been!" Ayeka exclaimed.

"You know, a communicator really should be part of our uniform," Tenchi joked. "It's embarrassing being lost on your own ship."

"Um…did we all fall down the shaft together or one at a time?"

"One at a time," the young captain replied. "I think that I was the first."

"Oh," Ayeka cooed softly. "I see." That would explain where the captain had been for the last few hours, but wouldn't explain his actions for the last few days. Washu said that Tenchi was an imposter. Was he really? Or was he the captain and Ryoko had slipped him a drug on Gehenna Two that finally wore off? Ayeka decided to play along for now. "Well, I guess we better get back on duty, then," she said as she rose shakily to her feet.

"I guess so," he agreed. The two of them walked to the door before Ayeka stopped.

"Wait a minute," she said. "Shouldn't I go to sick bay first? I don't remember falling down an elevator shaft. I could have a concussion!"

"There's no need to do that," Tenchi assured her. "You'll be fine, Ayeka."

Ayeka's heart sank as she realized that Tenchi was an imposter. Tenchi would never discourage her from visiting sickbay after falling nine decks down an elevator shaft. He had been in her room watching her sleep! Looking up her short skirt, or maybe even fondling her unconscious body! She shivered as goosebumps appeared on her smooth creamy skin. As the door to the corridor hissed open, Ayeka sighed in relief to see crewmen walking outside.

What to do? Go to sickbay to see what he did to her? Stick with the 'captain' and keep an eye on him? Think! Think!

Ayeka walked like a robot as she followed Tenchi to the turbolift. The doors hissed open and a humanoid canine in a blue miniskirt uniform stepped out. Tenchi entered the lift and looked back at Ayeka expectantly.

Her body froze. There was no one in the elevator but the imposter, and she could not bear to be alone with him again. The look on his face was so kind, so trusting… like a child waiting for his best friend. It was unbelievable that the being behind the dark luminous eyes wasn't Tenchi. Still, anyone who could fake such innocence was dangerous, for they were impossible to read. "I'll take the next car," she said as the doors slid shut.

Inside the turbolift 'Captain Tenchi' hugged his body and bit his knuckle. A whimper escaped his lips. Why didn't she like him? Wasn't he exactly like Captain Tenchi? Something must have gone wrong when Doctor Clay used the Exoan technology to create a copy of Tenchi's personality and memories. Why, even Ryoko could tell them apart without either one speaking a word! He was a poor copy, a caricature at best! He might be able to fool the crew, but he could never fool Ayeka, the one he loved. Now both his mission and his rebellious desires were being crushed before his sensors! What could he do?

Millions of light-years away, a small cigar-shaped ship soared through the cosmos at speeds considered impossible for 21st century science. It resembled a twenty-first century bus that celebrities traveled in but it had warp nacelles on its ventral side instead of wheels.

"I've got something, Ryoko!" Captain James Tenchi announced from his seat in the cockpit. "It could be the _Pioneer_."

"Looks like Doctor Clay was telling the truth after all," the cyan-haired Burchardian mused from the copilot's position. "They really _did _set course to the Archanis system, but why have they stopped in the middle of nowhere?"

"No sense looking a gift horse in the mouth," Tenchi shrugged. "I'm just glad that we have a chance to catch up to them!"

"Should we hail them?" Ryoko asked.

Tenchi shook his head. "I really want to, but I don't want to tip off the fake until we're within visual range. In the meantime, we need to come up with a plan." He looked at Ryoko and almost managed to hide his concern. "Remember, the imposter is _in charge_ of the ship right now."

"You're talking to the pirate who convinced her pursuers that she was a damsel in distress," the golden-eyed vixen smiled. "Don't worry. We'll think of something!"

On board the starship _Pioneer_, the doors to the bridge opened and a distraught Captain Tenchi appeared. His face was flushed. The whites of his eyes were bloodshot as if he had been crying. The rest of the bridge crew turned around in shock.

"Captain!" Kiyone called out as she stood up from the navigation/ops console. "Where have you been? We've been worried sick about you!"

Washu pivoted in the captain's chair to look at the boy, but didn't relinquish the chair to him. "Where have you been, Captain?"

"I don't see where that is any of your business, Lieutenant!" Tenchi snapped.

"Take it easy, Skipper," Washu chided gently. "I just wanted to know where you've been all this time. There is a shipwide search for you, y'know. I just want to know what to list in the ship's log."

"You leave the log to me!" the captain snarled. "This is all your fault, Washu! If you weren't…!" He stopped himself, bit his knuckle nervously, and looked around the bridge guiltily.

"Are you okay?" Midshipman Sasami asked from the science console.

"Boy, you said it!" Mihoshi nodded from the helm station. "Tenchi's acting just like Ayeka did that last time _she_ was on the bridge!"

"I am?" Tenchi staggered backwards in horror.

"Meow," Ensign Whiskers nodded from Communications.

"Why yes," Mihoshi continued without pausing for breath. "Commander Ayeka came up here, acted completely out of character, and then ran off and fell down the elevator shaft."

"Completely out of character?" the young captain blanched in horror. He bit his knuckle nervously as his eyes darted around the room. "She wasn't _completely_ out of character was she?"

"Yup," Mihoshi nodded, oblivious to the captain's rising panic, "and she bit her knuckle and acted paranoid just like you're doing. Pretty strange, huh? Is it someone's birthday or something, or somebody's anniversary?"

"Urk!" Tenchi gasped as his arm fell limply to his side. He looked this way and that, and seemed to be about to run away in a random direction.

At that moment, a light blinked on Whisker's panel and a beeping chime sounded. "Meow!" Ensign Whiskers put her clawed, furry hand to the strange microphone shaped object sticking out of her ear and her golden eyes narrowed in concentration. "Meow!" She nodded. The furry communications officer pulled a small pad of paper and a short pencil out the furry mane of brown and cyan-white hair that surrounded her head and shoulders and started writing. "Mew…mew…Mew!" she nodded curtly as she finished writing and tore off the note she had transcribed and handed it to Midshipman Sasami.

"What does it say?" Tenchi asked, appearing to have recovered his sanity momentarily.

"It says 'Mew…mew…Mew!'" Sasami read the message out loud. Tenchi did a pratfall on the floor. Sasami turned apologetically to the furry ensign. "I'm sorry, Whiskers, but could you write another one in Standard Federation English instead of Caitan? I can't read of word of this!"

"Mew!" The feline ensign slapped her head with the palm of her hand and quickly wrote a second note.

"Okay, let's try this again," Sasami said when Whiskers tore the second note out of the pad and handed it to her. "It says, 'ship in distress, running out of oxygen, send help.' And there's a set of coordinates. Hey that's not very far from here, is it?" The underage cadet put her pink eyes at the hooded viewer. "There it is! There's a small five thousand ton vessel on an intercept course with us! Two life forms, humanoid. That's all I can tell from here, but they should be within visual range at any second!"

Ensign Whiskers meowed and tapped Sasami on the shoulder.

Sasami looked up from the viewer. "What? You say that they are hailing us?"

"Mew," Whiskers nodded.

"Put them on the screen," Tenchi said.

On the main viewscreen, a strange hairless creature greeted them. It seemed to be egg shaped, for it had no neck. It's cranium was nonexistent, only a small rounded point for a forehead. Perhaps it's brain was on the back of it's head rather than on top? Nothing could be seen of the interior of the creature's ship for behind the alien there was nothing but black velvet in view, black velvet that matched the creature's clothing perfectly. It's body, thankfully, could not be seen, just its giant, misshapen head and black collar that was so wide that it appeared that the alien's head filled a black velvet bowl like a carton of flesh-colored pudding. The head of the creature was wider on the bottom than the top, and a red circular glass or plastic disk ringed in silvery metal was in place of an eye. The mouth of the alien was huge, and the large canine teeth on its bottom jaw made the creature seem monstrous. As it spoke, its lower jaw remained stationary while the top of it's head bounced up and down with every syllable.

"_Pioneer_, come in _Pioneer_," said a scratchy yet familiar female voice as the almost pointed forehead and eyepiece bobbed up and down. "This is the _S.S. Minnow_. Our life support system is down, and we are running out of oxygen, over?"

"This is the _Pioneer_, responding to your call," the captain announced. "_Minnow_, according to our sensors there should be two humanoids on board, over?"

"Errm," the voice became less scratchy and high-pitched as the creature licked its enormous lips nervously with a huge wide tongue. "My um, first mate is a Jurian, maybe that's what you are picking up. Pioneer, could you beam us aboard soon? 'Cause, we're running out of air in here. Over."

The captain's eyebrow raised skeptically. "_Minnow_, give us some time to run some scans before we allow you within transporter range of our starship…"

"It's getting hard to breathe!" the alien gasped. It's large lower lip trembled to reveal that the teeth on the lower jaw was larger than the teeth on it's upper jaw. Its eye and forehead bounced up and down as the creature gasped for breath melodramatically and it's huge pink froglike tongue lolled upwards as if trying to catch flies. As the alien with the woman's voice hyperventilated, the black cloth just behind and above the creature's head expanded and contracted with each panting breath. "Please!" the creature hyperventilated, it's voice sounding like Ryoko in her 'damsel in distress' act, "I beg you! Beam us on board! I'm too young to die! I can't breathe! Everything's going black!"

"All right! All right!" Tenchi gave in. "Stand by, _Minnow_. We are beaming you aboard! Cut communication!"

As Whiskers hit a button, the image of the hideous creature with Ryoko's voice vanished to be replaced by an image of a cigar-shaped spaceship. It looked like an early twenty-first century tour bus with warp engines instead of wheels. The effect the little ship had on the captain was dramatic.

"Clay's spaceship!" Tenchi put his hand over his mouth and stared at viewscreen in horror. "They must have escaped in Clay's spaceship. It's a trick!" the ersatz captain thought to himself. He turned to Kiyone, his face set in 'command mode'. "Lieutenant Kiyone," he ordered. "Lock on phasers and prepare to fire!"

_Next: Too Many Captains_


	15. Too Many Captains

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Fifteen: Too Many Captains_

"Captain's Log, Stardate 2008.8, Ryoko and I have escaped from Gehenna Two, using the escape ship prepared for the penal colony's corrupt administrator, Doctor Clay. Doctor Clay has revealed himself to be a mad scientist who intends to kidnap Lieutenant Washu, my chief science officer and hand her over to the Klingons. To this end, he has replaced me with an android that has duplicated my appearance, memories, and personality in order to fool my crew. Now my only chance to regain control of my ship is to get close enough to beam aboard without alerting my robotic double."

"Hey, do you have to do that now?" Ryoko asked him. "You'll give us away."

Tenchi took his eye away from the miniature camera he had pointed on her and looked down at Ryoko. She was lying on a table covered in black velvet. A disk shaped red bead was pasted to her chin and the top of her head was covered in black cloth as well. From the view inside the camera, her upsidedown chin looked like the forehead of a neckless, blobby alien with a huge mouth. He didn't see how that would fool the android Zero, but he hadn't come up with a better plan.

"It's okay," he assured her as he set the camera down. "They've stopped receiving us."

He reached down on the table to deactivate his palm-sized recorder and placed it back in the hidden pocket in his uniform. "Okay, they should be beaming us aboard any second now…" he said as he walked to the cockpit to check the sensors. "Ulp!" he swallowed.

"What?" Ryoko asked him as she followed him into the cockpit. "What is it?"

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" he asked her as he took the pilot's station.

"The good news," she said sitting down in the copilot's chair.

"The good news is that the _Pioneer_ is approaching us," Tenchi said, never taking his eyes off the sensors. "We should be within transporter range in less than a minute."

"Okay," Ryoko nodded, waiting for the other shoe to drop, "and what's the bad news?"

"They are powering up their phasers," he announced.

On the bridge of the USS _Pioneer_, less than a minute before Tenchi gave his dire announcement to Ryoko, the shapeshifting android known as Zero paced back and forth in an agitated state, his eyes never leaving the main viewscreen. No one could hear his guilty thoughts. "If Doctor Clay was on board, he would either contact me or Captain Tenchi would try to cut a deal with me. Therefore, I can only assume that Doctor Clay is not on that ship. Of all the prisoners who were on Gehenna Two, only Tenchi and Ryoko have a higher than two percent possibility of commandeering Doctor Clay's escape ship. I will have to assume that the two lifeforms on board are them!"

"C…Captain," Kiyone turned from her place at the ops/tactical station that was to the right of Mihoshi's helm station to stare at the robot that looked exactly like Tenchi. "Did you just say 'Lock on phasers'?"

"What, are you both deaf _and_ stupid?" he snapped. "I told you to lock on phasers and fire!"

"_She's_ deaf," Mihoshi corrected. "_I'm_ stupid."

"Why do you even say things like that?" Washu asked from the captain's chair.

"I just don't want people to get confused," the blonde answered.

"Not everyone gets confused as easily as you do," Washu retorted while tapping the arm of the captain's chair with her forefinger.

"I guess you're right, Washu," Mihoshi giggled. "Silly me."

"Phasers are powered up," Kiyone announced. "What setting shall I use, sir?"

"Maximum setting," Zero told her. "I want that ship vaporized. No survivors."

"Begging your pardon, Captain," Washu announced while leaning back in the captain's chair. "When a spaceship sends out a distress signal, isn't it standard procedure to…I don't know…_rescue_ them instead of reducing them to cosmic space dust?"

"I'm giving the orders, Lieutenant," Zero snapped.

"Not if you're breaking regulations you're not," Washu said levelly, her green unblinking eyes meeting the deranged doppelganger's glare. "Starfleet regulations require us to render aid to a vessel in distress, and they forbid us from taking aggressive action against a ship that offers no threat to the Federation or its citizens. Now, Captain, do you want rephrase those orders?"

He shook his fist. "You!"

"Yes…?" she said with exaggerated calm, as if dealing with an unruly child.

"Out of my chair!" he hissed with a venom no one on the bridge had ever seen him display.

"_Is_ it your chair?" Washu's green eyes bore into Zero's Tenchi-like brown ones. "Is it really?" For a short while, it seemed as if the two of them were engaged in a staring contest.

It was Zero who blinked first. "Why haven't you fired yet?" he screamed at Kiyone.

"You haven't ordered me to fire yet!" Kiyone leaped out of her chair and saluted. "I'm not _allowed_ to fire on another vessel unless I have direct authorization from my commanding officer!"

At that moment, the doors to the bridge opened and out stepped Yeoman Suzanne Sakuya. She walked down to the center of the bridge carrying a clipboard but froze in place when she beheld the spectacle before her. While Captain Tenchi was yelling at Kiyone, Lt. Washu rose from the captain's chair to pinch his bottom.

"Hey!" the fake Tenchi cried. "Who's touching my butt?" He turned to face the tiny science officer. "Just what do you think you are doing?" he demanded as he covered his posterior with both hands.

"What's the matter, Tenchi?" Washu smirked as she raised an eyebrow. "Got something to hide back there?"

"No!" Zero blushed as he backed away. "You didn't answer my question."

"I was attempting to render you unconscious using an ancient method of unarmed combat of my people," Washu admitted solemnly, "the Chousin butt-pinch."

"There's no such thing as a 'Chousin butt-pinch'!" Zero insisted.

"How do you know?" Washu put her hands on her hips. "Do you come from my planet?"

"The Vulcan nerve pinch is up higher," Zero insisted. "On the neck!"

"Well my people aren't as tall as the Vulcans," Washu stated, "so we had to find a collection of nerve clusters that's a little lower down. You know I was the tallest girl in my high school."

A bead of sweat trickled out of Zero's hair, just as it did on the real Tenchi.

"I don't believe it," he sneered.

"It really works," Washu insisted. "Let me show you."

To emphasize her point, Washu took a step to the left and reached under Yeoman Sakuya's skirt. The pale skinned petty officer gasped as her eyes rolled up and her legs collapsed under her. Before the silent bridge crew, the perky yeoman tumbled to the floor.

"See?" Washu smiled mischievously. "Every five episodes I reveal a previously unknown alien power!"

Suddenly two puppet like dolls appeared on her shoulders. They both resembled Washu, right down to her flaming red hair.

"You are the greatest Washu!" said the one on the right shoulder that had a large 'A' on its torso.

"The greatest in the universe!" said the second doll that had a large letter 'B' on it's chest.

They both vanished, but Zero could have sworn that the little dolls had hidden themselves in Washu's long tail of flaming red hair.

Washu put her hands on her hips and laughed, then her face became serious. "That Chousin butt-pinch should have knocked you out, Tenchi. If I didn't know better I'd say that you were a robot or something."

"Damn you Washu!" Zero seized the science officer by the collar and lifted her off her feet. "You've just bought yourself a trip to the brig!" He snarled.

"Get your hands off her!" Ayeka's voice called from the direction of the elevator.

Tenchi and Washu turned their heads to see Ayeka holding a phaser pistol.

"Ayeka!" Zero cried as he released the science officer.

"I don't know who or what you are, but you are not Captain Tenchi!" Ayeka cried. "Who are you and what have you done with my captain?"

"Ayeka," Zero implored. "You don't know what you're saying. I'm Captain Tenchi. You know I am."

Ayeka shook your head. "No. You're not." She took her eyes off Zero long enough to scold the crew. "And as for the rest of you, why haven't you arrested this imposter yet? Were you all asleep during the meeting today?"

"Sorry, Ayeka," Kiyone said lamely. "Nobody wanted to take the responsibility in case you were wrong."

"Ugh!" Ayeka grunted. "You'll never be a starship captain unless you learn to take risks!"

"I'm proud of you, Ayeka," Washu smiled brushing a tear out of her eye.

"Ayeka," Zero said with Tenchi's combination of compassion and authority. "Please, you've got to reconsider. Don't throw your career away like this!"

"Shut up!" Ayeka snapped.

"You've got no proof that I'm not Captain Tenchi…"

At that moment, the image of the spaceship vanished from the screen to be replaced by a view of Ryoko and Tenchi in a spacious cockpit.

"You who!" Ryoko waved her arms. "Can you guys hear me? It's Ryoko! It's me! Power down your phasers you guys, it's only me!"

"Ryoko!" Tenchi scolded. "Now you've done it! You've given us away! With that crazy robot in charge of my ship we don't stand a chance!"

"Come on, Tenchi," Ryoko argued. "They've got phasers locked on us. It's obvious the android has figured it out anyway. We've got to get through to Ayeka or we're done for!"

From the way they were arguing, it appeared as if they were unaware that their signal had gotten through and was broadcasting on the main screen. All eyes on the bridge were fixed on the viewscreen, then Ayeka gritted her teeth and pointed the hand phaser at the imposter.

"You were saying?" the purple-haired first officer sneered.

"I told you to destroy that ship!" Zero pushed Kiyone away.

"Hey!" the teal-haired tactical officer exclaimed as she was hurled through the air. "Ah!" she hit the floor next to Ensign Whiskers and lay still.

"Destroy it!" Zero cried pushing buttons on the tactical console. "I told you to destroy it!"

"Stop!" Ayeka cried as the image of Tenchi and Ryoko vanished and their little ship appeared on the main viewscreen. "I order you to stop right now! I'll shoot! I swear I will!" Suddenly her face became deathly pale. "No!" she gasped as tears welled up in her eyes. "Tenchi..."

On the main viewscreen, Doctor Clay's escape ship exploded under the barrage of phaser fire.

_Next: You Give Love A Bad Name _


	16. You Give Love A Bad Name

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Sixteen: __You Give Love A Bad Name_

Before the startled eyes of the bridge crew the little ship carrying Tenchi and Ryoko exploded under the barrage of the _Pioneer_'s phaser banks.

"Tenchi! Ryoko!" Sasami cried from the science station. "Oh no!"

"Tenchi!" Ayeka dropped her phaser pistol and collapsed to her knees. She bowed her head as if in prayer and clasped her hands over her face. "No…no…" came her muffled sobs.

"You murderer!" Washu cried. "You're an awful bastard, you fake!" The irate Chousin delivered a karate chop to Zero's back, but it had no effect.

The android whirled around and struck the flame-haired scientist, sending the green-eyed woman flying. He picked up the phaser pistol and put his arm around Ayeka, dragging her to her feet.

"Let go of me!" Ayeka shrieked. She struggled to break free of the robot's grasp to no avail. Now that its cover had been blown, Zero cancelled the overrides that restricted it to Tenchi's physical limitations. Ayeka wasn't able to put up in fight in any case. With the loss of her beloved captain, she was as helpless as a child.

"Oh no!" Sasami cried, leaping from the chair at the science station. "Ayeka!"

Before the helpless gaze of Mihoshi, Sasami, and Ensign Whiskers, the android dragged a sobbing Ayeka into the turbolift.

"Ow!" Washu rubbed the lump forming on her head. "This is one genius who let her guard down, that's for sure!"

"Tenchi," Kiyone moaned as she sat up on the floor and stared at the debris on the main viewscreen. "Ryoko… Are they…?"

"I'm afraid we've lost them," Washu nodded grimly. "Because of our inaction, Tenchi and Ryoko are dead and that imposter has Ayeka!"

Sasami, Mihoshi, and Ensign Whiskers started crying. Kiyone just stared straight ahead, her mouth hanging half open in shock.

"I can't move my legs," Yeoman Sayuka attempted to sit up and rub her lower extremities.

"Control over your legs will return," Washu mumbled as she crossed her arms and bowed her head with her eyes closed. She looked up at Kiyone, her green eyes unreadable. "Kiyone, as chief tactical officer, you are in charge now. We've got to rescue Ayeka and stop that creature before he costs us any more lives."

"Yes," Kiyone nodded, a look of determination on her face. The teal haired, athletic officer rose shakily to her feet, but her voice was strong and sure. "Ensign Whiskers, put out an intruder alert. Inform all personnel that an imposter has abducted Ayeka and that he looks exactly like Captain Tenchi." Kiyone collapsed into the captain's chair and groaned in despair. "That's almost exactly like the alert Ayeka gave hours ago. Why didn't Ayeka fire when she had the chance?"

"It's hard to attack someone who looks exactly like Tenchi," Washu stated. "Like someone you love…" Her voice trailed away. "Listen, Kiyone," the little science officer shook herself out of her emotional pain, "that imposter looks exactly like Tenchi, but is physically more powerful. If anyone hesitates, it will take them out in the blink of an eye. Should anyone see it, they have to attack immediately!"

Kiyone nodded, her strength of will and body returning. "Yes, I'll issue a warning that…"

Her voice died abruptly as the doors to the bridge hissed open and the being that looked exactly like Captain Tenchi returned. The creature that resembled the underage starship commander entered the bridge, but Commander Ayeka was nowhere in sight.

"There he is!" Mihoshi shrieked as she pointed a shaking finger.

"Attack!" Sasami cried as she left the science station and ran to the intruder, hands balled into tiny fists.

"Get him!" Washu ordered right before she leaped up, executed a triple somersault in midair, and kicked the commanding officer in the rib cage.

"Look out!" Kiyone warned as she jumped forward and grasped the captain's wrists. "He may be armed!"

"Mreow!" Ensign Whiskers yowled as she lunged forward, her claws extended and her fangs bared.

"I've got his legs!" Sakuya exclaimed as her hands hugged the suspicious skipper's lower limbs and sent him off balance.

"Yeeah!" the creature that resembled Tenchi screamed as he fell before the onslaught of six grief-stricken girls. He fell on his chest as six irate shipmates wrestled him to the ground and started pummeling on him.

A confused Ryoko sauntered out of the elevator and said, "Hey, what's going on? Why are you attacking Tenchi?"

"Ryoko!" A smiling Mihoshi exclaimed while she choked the prostrate intruder with her thighs and hit him on the head with her fists. "You're alive!"

"Thank goodness!" Kiyone sighed while twisting the boy's arm behind his back. "We feared the worst!"

"Meow…!" smiled the brown and cyan-maned Ensign Whiskers, who stopped raking the boy with her claws to cast a happy gaze at the space pirate.

"Ryoko!" Sasami stopped hugging and biting the captain's 'free' arm to look up. "Yay! You made it!"

"Ryoko?" Sakuya continued to hug the captain's struggling legs. "Huh? But where is…"

"Wow!" Washu stopped kicking the captain's crotch with her black regulation Starfleet go-go boots. "You survived! That's amazing! How did you…?" As one all six of the ferocious females froze as horror, guilt, and realization showed on their faces. "Wait a minute!" Washu exclaimed. "If you survived…that means…uh-oh…" All six women looked down at the boy they had been battering senseless. Washu pulled his pants down to inspect his posterior. No tattoo.

"Oops," Mihoshi blushed as she opened her legs and slid away from the comatose captain.

"Ohhh…" Tenchi moaned as one by one the girls released him.

* * *

James Tenchi woke up in sickbay and groaned as he sat up.

"There we go," Doctor Yosho said. "The painkillers should be kicking in now."

Tenchi opened his eyes to see the childlike Washu and the elderly Yosho looking at him.

"Sorry about that, Skipper," Washu apologized.

"I take it you've figured out that the 'captain' who beamed up from Gehenna Two is a fake," the boy said as he sat up on the bed and put his feet on the floor.

Washu nodded. "That's an affirmative, Cap'n. The copycat captain has been acting funny ever since he beamed up. He tried to kill you by blowing up that ship and now he's kidnapped Ayeka."

"He's…kidnapped Ayeka?" Tenchi gasped.

"That's an a-firm on that," the redhead nodded again. "Kiyone's running a level four search but we still haven't been able to find them."

"I guess that I shouldn't be surprised," the battered and bruised boy stood up on shaky legs. "Doctor Clay made an imprint of my memories and personality and downloaded it into Zero."

"Doctor Clay, eh?" Washu raised an eyebrow. "So it _was_ he who created that thing. I thought so."

"You know him?" Tenchi asked.

"He was my teacher," Washu said in a faraway voice. "I can't believe that he has sunk that low…"

"Well, he's created an android named Zero who is on board with my first officer and has detailed knowledge of my ship," Tenchi grumbled. "How are we going to catch him before it's too late for Ayeka?"

"Wait a second, Jim," Yosho admonished. "Let Kiyone handle it. You're in no condition to go after that thing."

Tenchi whirled around to face the bespectacled physician. "Doc, that thing is somewhere on board, and it has Ayeka! I'm not going to just sit here and do nothing!"

"Well, what can you do?" Doc Yosho raised his voice to match his captain's. "You don't know where it's taken her anyways."

"Maybe he does," Washu stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Tenchi, if the android has your knowledge of the ship, it would choose the same places to hide that you would."

"Of course," Tenchi smiled grimly. "Why didn't I think of that?" He furrowed his brow in thought. "If I was hiding on board, I'd go to the lower levels. Deck twenty-four is a storage deck that also houses the tractor beam and transporter emitters. You could actually hide a hostage instead of just a body down there. If Ayeka is still alive, that's where she is."

"Now wait just a gawd-damn minute!" Yosho protested with a barely detectible Southern drawl (even though he did not come from the North American southeast) "You're going to send security down to look for her, right?"

"Nope," Tenchi replied as he went to the door. "I'm going down there personally. If I send a security detachment down there, that android could kill its hostage. So far it thinks that Ryoko and I are dead. That gives me the element of surprise."

"I should have given you a tranquilizer instead of a painkiller," Yosho grumbled. The light shining off his spectacles made it impossible to read his expression, but his voice expressed his displeasure.

* * *

Meanwhile down in a cargo hold, Ayeka slowly returned to consciousness. "Oh…what a horrible dream. I had a nightmare that an imposter killed Tenchi and Ryoko and dragged me away to who-knows-where…" she muttered. Suddenly her eyes snapped open. She was tied up with synthetic cable (you wouldn't expect an ordinary rope in the 23rd century would you?) and lying on a large cargo container that was long and rectangular like a bed or an altar.

"Ugh!" she grumbled. "That creature keeps drugging me left, right and sideways!" She squirmed and struggled until she rolled off the plastic crate and onto the floor. "Ouch!" she yelped. The rope entwined her entire body, so she was forced to inch along the ground like a caterpillar.

The door to the cargo hold hissed open when she reached it and she shimmied down the corridor. She heard Tenchi's voice, but her instinct told her that it was the imposter speaking.

"Computer," Zero spoke at a computer workstation. "Recognize Tenchi, James Jean-Luc. Institute security protocol zero one three six five. Authorization alpha yatzee echo kappa alpha."

"Working," came a voice that sounded like a combination of Nurse Chapel and a dalek. "Recognize Tenchi, James Jean-Luc. Instituting security protocol zero one three six five. Authorization alpha yatzee echo kappa alpha."

"No!" Ayeka cried. "That will neutralize the bridge! Computer override! Recognize Ayeka, Lydia! Disengage security protocol zero one three six five!"

"Computer!" Zero countered. "From now on, you will only accept voice commands from the commanding officer of this vessel. Authorization alpha yatzee echo kappa alpha."

"Working," the computer responded in its tinny voice. "All further commands will only be recognized from Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi, commanding officer of the _Pioneer _until further specified."

"No…!" Ayeka protested weakly, her body convulsing with sobs.

_Next: A Likely Story_


	17. A Likely Story

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Seventeen: A Likely Story_

"Tactical officer's log, Stardate 2008.82. An imposter has taken Commander Ayeka hostage and is hidden somewhere on the ship. In the meantime, the real Captain Tenchi has been taken to sickbay in order to verify his identity. I am currently commencing with the debriefing of the space pirate Ryoko."

"Debriefing, sounds naughty," Ryoko teased.

Kiyone let out a deep sigh and glanced up at the ceiling of her office on deck seven. "Please, Ryoko. The imposter has Ayeka and is loose somewhere on the ship. We haven't that much time. Any information that you have on the intruder and what happened to you and Tenchi would be helpful."

"You didn't even notice that I was gone," the mercurial pirate grumbled as yet another of her famous mood swings transpired. "Didn't anybody miss me?"

Through superhuman willpower, Kiyone managed to avoid rolling her eyes. "Come on, Ryoko. We have to know what's going on. Ayeka's life and the safety of the ship are at stake. Please, just play ball and tell us what happened when we dropped you off at Gehenna Two, all right?"

"Very well," Ryoko didn't waste any willpower, because she certainly rolled _her_ eyes. "Let's see… Where shall I begin?" The lanky cyan-haired woman put her hands behind her head and spun around in her chair as she leaned back in thought. "Okay, to begin with, the penal colony was nothing like Tenchi said it would be. It was run by a big fat slob who got off dressing his female inmates in their underwear and forcing them to dance in front of he and his buddies. Naturally the most attractive and desirable girl was chained to his throne like a friggin' dog or something…"

_In the dark and shadowy chamber, an assortment of the worst criminals in the galaxy hooted and leered at the green women that cavorted and swayed to the music. A blonde Terran woman sang as a band of alien creatures accompanied her with their musical instruments._

"_**Honey it hurts what you've done to me  
I'd even call it a tragedy  
Now that you've told me the name of your new love  
How I wish that you didn't say what you said  
Wish it was some other girl instead  
I don't know why you need a guy…"**_

A pale black robed alien approached Doctor Clay, the tentacles from the top of his head was entwined around his neck and shoulders like a scarf. "Dooka Capta Tenchi oota goota clenchae Dokta Clay."

Ryoko who was clad in an exotic bikini, was chained to the ornate cargo platform that supported the sluglike Clay's corpulent bulk. She opened her eyes and looked up to eavesdrop on their conversation.

_Doctor Clay opened his huge froggy eye. He shook his bloated naked bulk as his tail twitched irritably. His voice was a bass croak. "Talkdroid!"_

_The blonde haired Mihoshi appeared clad only in a metallic gold swimsuit, her bronze skin exposed for all of the bizarre alien scumbags to see. "Oh, here I am, your great clayness! I'm ready to translate…!" The dizzy blonde reached behind the bloated worm that was Doctor Clay and produced a book titled 'The Languages of Star Wars.' "Hm, let's see," she said as she flipped through the book. "Here we are, 'Hutease'. Okay, fire away!"_

_A cloaked figure walked through the crowd of misshapen alien criminals. He pulled back his hood to reveal the underage features of James Jean-Luc Tenchi!_

"_Mighty Clay," the boy clasped his hands and nodded respectfully. "I know that your anger against Ryoko is great, but your wisdom and understanding are equally great, I propose a deal that will be mutually beneficial."_

"_Ohh Je-die mine trik wil na wurk a ne voy!" Clay rumbled, his good eye glowering at the young captain. "Una gay loka we!"_

"_What did he say?" Tenchi asked Mihoshi._

"_Let me see," Mihoshi flipped through her book. "Let's see… Here it is! He says that he has a pencil, and that his pencil is yellow. That's it!"_

_Ryoko and Tenchi groaned. Clay sputtered and slapped Mihoshi with his flabby arm causing her to scream and tumble backwards. The huge lumbering worm then pulled a switch. Tenchi gestured to a large piggish alien and a pistol floated out of the alien's holster to be caught by the young space adventurer. The pig alien lunged towards Tenchi just as a trap door opened beneath them both. _

"_No!" Ryoko cried as Tenchi and the pig creature fell into the darkness below._

"If Tenchi has to fight the Rancor, I'll have to ask you to stop right now," Kiyone interrupted.

"The creature that he had to fight wasn't called the 'Rancor'," Ryoko stammered. "It was called the, um, 'Anger'. With two 'R's. Yes, the 'Angurr.' That's it."

"I'm finding it hard to believe you," Kiyone said as she tapped her pen on the table.

"Really?" Ryoko asked with exaggerated innocence. "How come?"

"Would like the list?" Kiyone responded wryly. "One, Mihoshi never beamed down to Gehenna Two. She's been on the _Pioneer_ the entire time. Two, Tenchi doesn't have any telekinetic powers. And three, the entire scene you just described happened in _Return of the Jedi_."

"You saw that movie, huh?" Ryoko asked.

"The original _and_ the remastered edition," Kiyone replied.

"Oh," Ryoko squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. "Well that's what happened. Honest."

"Okay, you don't want to tell me what happened on the planet, let's skip ahead," Kiyone grumbled. "How did you escape Gehenna Two and how did you survive the destruction of your ship?"

"Well, that's an interesting story," Ryoko hugged herself as she continued to shift in her chair. "There was a fellow space pirate that I knew named Hotsuma who helped us escape. It was his sacrifice that allowed us to beam off the _Minnow_ and return to your ship. He was so brave…"

"_The structural integrity field is fading!" Tenchi announced. "At this rate, the ship will be vaprorized!"_

"_Hotsuma, what do we do?" Ryoko asked. _

_In the center of the chamber was a large pipe that resembled the mast of an archaic sailing ship. Standing next to it was a tall handsome young man who wore his blonde hair in a ponytail. He adjusted his spectacles and fidgeted with his long white lab coat and then he announced. "We abandon ship. Get to the transporter room."_

"_Okay," Tenchi nodded as he rose from his console to go to the door. "I'll set the coordinates. Coming, you guys?"_

"_Tenchi, give us a minute," Ryoko asked him. Hotsuma wandered aimlessly around the bridge of his ship, knowing that it would be the last time he would ever see it._

"_Sure," he nodded. "But get a move on." The door closed behind him with a pneumonic hiss._

"_Hotsuma?" Ryoko walked over to the melancholy and distracted pirate. "I can't save your ship, but I can take your mind off of it for a moment…" _

_To Hotsuma's surprise, Ryoko put her arms around him and kissed him passionately on the lips. So enraptured was the bespectacled buccaneer that he didn't notice Ryoko slip a pair of handcuffs around his wrist and chain him to the pipe in the center of the bridge._

_Ryoko backed away with tearstained eyes. "Doctor Clay is after you, not us. If you stay here it will give the rest of us a chance to get away. Forgive me, Hotsuma…" Ryoko turned and dashed out the door._

_Ryoko covered her face with her hands and silently sobbed as she entered the transporter room. _

"_Where's Hotsuma?" Tenchi asked as he made the last adjustment to the transporter controls._

"_He fell behind," she said lifelessly as she and the boy stepped onto the transporter pads. "He's staying behind to give us a chance to escape."_

"_Okay…" Tenchi said uneasily, for it just didn't seem in Hotsuma's character to do such a noble deed._

_Meanwhile, on the bridge, Hotusuma struggled to get his wrist out of the handcuffs that Ryoko had trapped him in._

"_Bugger-bugger-bugger-bugger-bugger," he chanted as he attempted to pull his hand through the manacle. He pulled his rapier out of his scabbard and used it to smash open an archaic oil lamp and pour the oil over his wrist._

_As he freed himself from his restraint, the monocular image of Doctor Clay appeared on the main screen, his deep voice rumbling in a Scottish accent. "Hotsuma! You owe me your soul!"_

_The bridge crew of the __Pioneer__ could only stare with jaws agape as the giant space kraken devoured the __S.S. Minnow__ in one huge gulp._

"Hold on," Kiyone snapped. "What kind of bull are you feeding me? There was no space kraken, it was the _Pioneer_'s phasers that took out your ship! And we only detected two lifeforms, not three!"

"Are you insinuating that I'm telling you a lie?" Ryoko put her hand on her hip. "What, the idea of a pirate sacrificing himself for the woman he loves is too much for you?"

"That, and your story sounds a lot like the end of the second _Pirates of the Caribbean _movie," Kiyone retorted.

Ryoko's face fell. "Oh, you've seen that one too, huh?" Ryoko stared in concern when she noticed Kiyone slamming her forehead against her desk over and over. "Hey, stop that!" the pirate admonished. "If you keep that up, your face is going to warp!"

"Ooh," Kiyone rubbed the bruise on her forehead. She opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a package marked 'medical gauze'. She pulled an orange band out of the package and wrapped it around her head.

"So that's why you're always wearing an orange headband," Ryoko nodded in understanding. "You must slam your head against your desk a lot, huh?"

"You have no idea," Kiyone blushed sheepishly. The tealhaired tactical officer cleared her throat and attempted to take control of the situation. "So was everything that you told me a lie?"

"Just the important and relevant stuff," Ryoko shrugged. "What can I say?" she sighed. "My life is a tissue of whoppers. I tried to redeem myself at Gehenna Two, honestly I did, but what chance did I have when the colony administrator was a mad scientist?"

"Yeah," Kiyone muttered sarcastically. "I can see where that would be rough. Computer, cancel that last entry. We'll start again."

"Unable to comply," Nurse Chapel's voice chirped.

"Computer, I gave you an order," Kiyone became both worried and irritated.

"Unable to comply," the computer repeated. "Only Captain Tenchi is authorized to use voice command on this system."

"But that's stupid!" Kiyone grumbled. "With an imposter onboard what sense does it make to…Omigod! The imposter! He must have locked out the computer!" The redskirted officer pushed a button on her desk. "Kiyone to bridge, we have an unauthorized access to our main computer! The system is not secure. The imposter is trying to lock us out and… Hey! Can anyone hear me?" She pushed some buttons and looked down at her little screen. "Oh no!"

"What's the matter?" Ryoko blinked.

"The security system has released nemisiton gas!" Kiyone reported. "It's a gas that blocks the higher brain functions, rendering intruders completely inert without endangering their lives. Someone has ordered the computer to gas the bridge! No wonder nobody is responding!"

"You've got a whole ship full of crewmen," Ryoko insisted. "They come from all sorts of different planets, isn't any of them immune to that stuff?"

"Not a chance," Kiyone shook her head. "Everybody on the ship is your basic mammalian humanoid type. Believe me, nobody here is alien enough to operate without using their higher brain functions!"

* * *

Meanwhile on the bridge, Ryo-ohki, (I mean Ensign Whiskers) lay on the floor and drooled a little. Sasami lay nearby flat on her back staring up at the ceiling with sightless pink eyes. Yeoman Sakuya had fallen at a strange angle and her bent legs stuck her knees above her like the points of two mountains. Lieutenant Commander Jay Nobuyuki sat listlessly in the captain's chair, his quivering lips attempting to give a command. Counselor Noike leaned against the science console, slowly slipping out her chair.

Lieutenant Mihoshi glanced around the bridge in concern. "Hey, what happened to you guys? Are you okay?"

_Next: Bridge Out_


	18. Bridge Out

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Eighteen: Bridge Out_

"Captain's Log, supplemental. The android Zero has abducted my first officer and locked us out of the computer. In addition, it has engaged security protocol zero one three six five, an emergency procedure used only if intruders have taken over the bridge. Security protocol 01365 releases nemisiton gas, a gas that temporarily inhibits the use of higher brain functions, rendering intruders harmless without endangering their lives. The effect on bridge officers was immediate…"

"Tell me about the rabbits, George," Nobuyuki drooled as he slowly slid out of the captain's chair.

"…but the effect on Mihoshi was negligible."

"Didn't bother me much, either!" Mihoshi chirped.

"In order to facilitate his imitation of me, Zero was given an imprint of my memories and personality, and thus knows this ship and its crew as well as I do. Combined with the strength and speed of its android body, that could make it invincible. My only hope is to outthink it and capitalize on its weaknesses." Tenchi put his personal recorder back into the hidden pocket on his regulation Starfleet trousers. Lieutenant Washu followed him as a door marked 'Security Office' hissed open before him.

"Kiyone, we're going to need the keys to the small arms locker…" He began as he entered her office.

"Captain!" Kiyone exclaimed. "The intruder has locked us out of the computer and he gassed the bridge!"

"We know that," Ryoko said leaning back in her chair. "Didn't you listen to the captain's log?"

"Will you _try_ to stay in character?" Kiyone hissed as she shook her fist.

"Okay," Ryoko shrugged and rose to her feet. "You know if you keep scowling like that, those wrinkles will never go away," she teased.

"Urg," the teal-haired tactical officer grunted as she leaned against the wall and slammed her forehead against it again and again.

"That's not going to help your face either," Ryoko commented.

During the exchange, the captain and Washu paid no heed. Tenchi took the key to the arsenal and he and the science officer exited through a door in the back of the security office.

Suddenly a light on Kiyone's desk chirped for attention. "Huh?" Kiyone rubbed her head and strode over to the desk. "It's from the bridge!" she smiled. "Someone must have stopped the gas. Thank gawd!" She leaned over and pushed a button. "Kiyone here."

"Kiyone!" sobbed the voice of Mihoshi. "Something's wrong with the bridge crew! They're just lying around like a bunch of quivering jellyfish! What do I do?"

"Mihoshi, get a hold of yourself," Kiyone scolded. "You are a Starfleet officer. Now take a breath and tell me what's wrong."

"Um, okay," the blonde on the bridge took a deep breath. "Well um, you know the bridge crew?"

"Yes, what about the bridge crew?" Kiyone asked patiently. "You said something about jellyfish."

"Well, um, everyone on the bridge is just laying around staring off into space. Ah…" Mihoshi passed her hand in front of Sasami's face. "They uh… seem to be just lying around and um… drooling."

"Drooling?" Kiyone raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Did you forget to put your underwear on again?"

"No I didn't Kiyone!" Mihoshi assured her. "I swear!"

Ryoko raised her hand. "Um, could it be… I don't know… the gas that you mentioned?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Kiyone snapped. "The nemisiton gas prevents the use of higher brain functions. Something must have prevented its release on the bridge otherwise Mihoshi would be…" Kiyone stopped and squinted in thought. "Higher brain functions," she muttered, then slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand. "Oh I should of known! Looks like we've got _one_ officer who doesn't need use her brain!"

She leaned over to speak into the intercom. "Okay, Mihoshi listen up! We're all depending on you! You've got to go to the environmental controls and shut off the gas, alright?"

"Okay, Kiyone," Mihoshi answered as she hopped over her prostrate shipmates to reach the environmental substation console. "I'm at the control panel, now what?"

"All right, listen closely and I'll talk you through it, Mihoshi," Kiyone said in a strict but comforting tone.

Inside the small arms locker, Tenchi and Washu were arming themselves. Washu selected a phaser carbine that seemed too big for her tiny frame. Tenchi chose a phaser pistol and a tiny "hand phaser" that was about the size and shape of a cellular phone from the turn of the millennium.

"What's that for?" Washu asked him.

"In case we're captured," Tenchi replied. "I want a weapon that I can conceal," he added as he tucked the tiny phaser unit into a hidden pocket in his black regulation Starfleet trousers.

"Hmm, Good idea," Washu nodded as she checked the charge and setting of her weapon.

"It might me a good idea for you to take one too," Tenchi suggested. "Doctor Clay sent that robot here in order to hand you over to the Klingons."

"What?" Washu blinked. "_I'm_ the target? Well whad'ya know!" She smiled. "I knew that someone would appreciate my genius sooner or later! Don't you think its time I got a promotion, Tenchi?"

"Funny," the young captain replied while checking the power levels on his weapons. "I thought we'd ignore the time you strapped me down and stripped me to my underwear and call it even."

A bead of sweat trickled out of Washu's flaming red hair. "Er heh-heh," she laughed self-consciously. "Maybe you're right, Cap'n."

Meanwhile, Kiyone was still talking Mihoshi through the procedures to restore the bridge. "Okay, the environmental substation control is…"

"Kiyone!" Mihoshi's voice cut her off. "All of the stars have gone out!"

"No, Mihoshi, you've turned off the viewscreen," Kiyone assured her. "Are you sure you're on the right console? It's the third clockwise from the turbolift doors."

"Um, which way is clockwise again?" the dizzy blonde asked her.

"It's the one to the left of the main viewscreen," Kiyone sighed.

"Okay, I'm at the console on the left the big TV, Kiyone!"

The teal-haired tactical officer groaned and then steeled herself to continue. "All right, bring up the interior atmosphere screen and run an analysis," she instructed the hopeless helmswoman.

"Um, nothing's happening," came the mournful response.

"Okay, just hit cancel and start over," Kiyone sighed. "Whatever you do, don't just start pushing buttons at random, okay?"

"Um, that's not it," Mihoshi's voice murmured as Kiyone could hear little electronic beeps. "That's not it, nor here, or here, or here… Is it this one? No…"

"Mihoshi!" Kiyone shouted at the intercom. "Did you hear what I said? Tell me you were listening!"

The sounds over the intercom made Kiyone's blood run cold. "No, that's not it…(beep) Maybe it's here…(beep) Or here…(beep) Or here, or here orhereorhereorhere… No… no… Oh! That's not it either!"

"I'm going to commandeer a shuttlecraft," Ryoko offered dryly. "Wanna come with?"

"Mihoshi!" Kiyone shouted. "Stop! For the love of gawd, stop!"

But it was too late. Suddenly, Kiyone's stomach lurched and she started to float up into the air. "Mihoshi!" she growled. "You turned off the gravity!"

"Kiyone, I think that I did something wrong…"

"I'll say you did! Now how are we going to get out of this mess?"

"What's going on here?" Washu asked as she floated out of the small arms locker.

"Guess," Ryoko shrugged as she levitated in midair. Zero gravity didn't seem to bother her any.

"Mihoshi is the only one awake on the bridge," Kiyone grumbled as Tenchi swum out of the arsenal. "Now on top of everything else, the gravity's been turned off!"

"Maybe if we went to the emergency bridge…" Tenchi started, and then suddenly everyone fell to the floor. "Whoa!"

"Wow! You did it, Kiyone!" Mihoshi's voice praised over the intercom. "You are so smart!"

"That wasn't me, Mihoshi," Kiyone replied as she pulled herself shakily to her feet. "They must have restored gravity from engineering."

"Or did they?" Washu pushed Kiyone out of the way and used the terminal to access the _Pioneer_'s computer. "Aha! Gravity was restored from the emergency bridge in the secondary hull. According to the computer, the doors to the emergency bridge were opened and then locked using your security override Tenchi!"

"So that's where they are!" Tenchi exclaimed. "He's not just hiding, he's still trying to accomplish his mission! Ryoko, you're with me! He might still think we're dead, and that will give us the element of surprise."

"That and it's handy to have a girl who can walk through walls during a hostage rescue, huh?" Ryoko grinned. "You know, I'm not sure that I should rescue that whiny first officer of yours," she teased.

"Ryoko!" Tenchi growled.

"All right, all right!" Ryoko waved her hands in a conciliatory gesture. "I was only joking. Sheesh!"

"Come on," he snapped. "Kiyone assemble a security team to back us up," he ordered as he adjusted the bandoleer that held his holstered phaser pistol. "Maintain radio silence as much as possible," he added as he marched to the door. "We don't know if my duplicate is listening in."

"Good luck with Mihoshi," Ryoko grinned as she followed Tenchi out. "I'll bet that you have the dangerous assignment."

"I'm going with them," Washu added as she walked out.

Kiyone took a deep breath and let it out slowly, listening to the door slide open and shut. She turned back to the intercom. "Okay, Mihoshi," she said as she held down a button. "Let's try something different. Send out a distress signal and apprise Starfleet of what's going on. Do you think that you can do that for me?"

"Sure," the blonde responded. "You can count on me, Kiyone!"

"No I can't," Cassandra Kiyone muttered after she took her hand off the button.

On the bridge, Mihoshi gingerly stepped over her comatose shipmates to the communications panel. "Oh my!" she exclaimed as she gently moved the furry communications officer. "Poor Ensign Whiskers!"

"Meow…" murmured the limp cat woman as Mihoshi stepped over her and sat at the communications console.

"Hello?" Barbie Mihoshi said hesitantly as she adjusted some controls. "Can anyone hear me? This is the _USS Pioneer_, and we are in distress!"

A deep feminine voice answered her. "This is the _Sojourn_, _Pioneer_. What is the nature of the emergency?"

"Well, uh… There's an android on board who looks just like Captain Tenchi, and he's kidnapped our first officer, and now he's knocked out everyone on the bridge and I'm the only one left! What do I do?"

"Stay calm, _Pioneer_," the low female voice assured her. "We're on our way. Sit tight."

"Okay!" Mihoshi sang out. "Rodger and Wilco, _Sojourn_."

* * *

"Not at all," Lieutenant Commander Nagi of the Klingon Battlecruiser _Soja_ responded in perfect Federation Standard English. "Glad to be of service, _Sojourn_ out."

The attractive amazon crossed her legs as looked at her commanding officer, showing off her shapely legs and hideous red shoes. "The _Pioneer_ is broadcasting a homing beacon, Lord Kagato. They should be easy to find now."

"Excellent," Captain Kagato replied silkily. "I was expecting to seize only Washu, but it looks like the entire starship has fallen into my grasp," he gloated. "Including that insolent Captain Tenchi!"

_Next: Destruct Sequence Activated_


	19. Destruct Sequence Activated

Galaxy 1001D presents:

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Nineteen: Destruct Sequence Activated_

In the meantime, the Lieutenant Cassandra Kiyone attempted to regain control of the ship.  "Kiyone to Engineering," she said into her intercom, "Cancel security protocol zero one three six five.  The intruder has used it to take out the bridge.  Engineering?  Hey can anybody hear me?"  She hit a button that showed her the comatose crewmen in Engineering.  "Great," Kiyone grumbled as the _Pioneer_'s security measures were being turned against them.  She hit the intercom again.   "Haruna, get the emergency bridge in the saucer ready.  I'm coming down."

"I can't get in," the voice of Ensign Camille Haruna answered her.  "I'm locked out." 

"Stay there," Kiyone told her.  "I'll get my security toolkit and be right there.  Kiyone out."

In addition to the primary bridge at the top of the _Pioneer_'s saucer, the ship had two emergency bridges.  The emergency bridge on deck seven was in the very center of the saucer, supported by an extra structural integrity field to ensure it's survival in the event the ship took a hit so bad that it incapacitated the primary bridge.  The stardrive bridge on deck nineteen could also be used as a tertiary bridge, but was primarily intended to control the secondary hull in case of saucer separation.  Both bridges could be accessed directly from the turbolift, which meant that Zero did not need to carry Ayeka through the corridors in sight of officers and crew.  Zero had chosen the emergency bridge on deck nineteen, since it was in the secondary hull and closest to main engineering should it be necessary to gain direct control of the warp reactor. 

The layout of both emergency bridges was similar to that of the main bridge.  A circular room with a large viewscreen in front with a depression in the center for the command chair, helm/navigational station and ops/tactical station.  Communications, Sciences, and other consoles were arranged around the round exterior wall. 

On the stardrive bridge on deck nineteen, a groggy Ayeka regained consciousness on the command chair.  Zero's back was to her at the helm console.  The ship vibrated as the _Pioneer_ accelerated to warp.  Ayeka rose wobbily to her feet, and staggered up behind the fake captain.  She clasped her hands together and hit the android on the back of the neck with all of her might. 

"Ouch!" she yelped as her fists met the unyielding surface of the robot's neck.

"Ayeka," Zero rose and turned to face the first officer.  "You're awake."

"S-stay back," Ayeka stammered, cursing herself for attacking the imposter before she was fully awake.  What had she been thinking?  She should have played possum and waited for an opportunity to present itself instead of striking too early.  She had cost Tenchi his life earlier by hesitating.  Now she had probably doomed her own by acting too soon.

"Ayeka," he said reverently.  "You look beautiful."

That was the creepy part.  He was so _nice_!  No matter how much she detested the imposter, he was always tried to treat her kindly, even when abducting her against her will and frightening her out of her wits.

"Ayeka," he implored.  "Listen to me.  Please let me explain."

She nodded dully.  This time she would wait for her moment.  She had to remain calm.  With James Tenchi dead, she was in command now.  The entire ship was depending on her.

The fake Tenchi squirmed uncomfortably, and glanced away.  "I…I was sent by my creator to kidnap your chief science officer, Lieutenant Washu, and take her to the Klingons in order to fund his research."

Ayeka inhaled a deep breath.  His creator?  That meant the imposter was an artificial lifeform!  A clone or an android!  He wasn't real at all!

"In order to help me accomplish my mission, I was installed with Captain Tenchi's memories and personality," Zero continued.  "All of his experiences, all of his persona, it's all a part of me now.  I love who he loves.  Do you understand?"

Ayeka slowly shook her head.  This was a lot to absorb.  She had braced herself to be lied to but she didn't see the point of making up a story like this.

"I've _become_ Captain Tenchi, can't you see that?"  Zero's voice cracked with emotion, as if this was as difficult for him to say as it was for Ayeka to listen to.  "Since boarding this ship, my mission and my primary purpose have become less important to me.  I…I can't get you out of my head.  It's like there's an arrow in my heart, a dagger in the brain, you've pierced me to my core, do you understand?"

Ayeka's scarlet, redrimmed eyes nearly bulged out of her sockets as she fell back into the command chair and clenched the arms with white lifeless fingers.  As if an intruder that resembled her commanding officer wasn't bad enough, the imposter was obsessed with her as well.  It was hard to imagine how things could get worse.

"I love you, Ayeka," he said as he knelt before her and clasped one of her hands with both of his.  "I would give up anything to be with you.  Please, let me be Captain Tenchi and I'll forsake my orders and devote my life to pleasing you forever.  I can be everything that the original Captain Tenchi was, and so much more.  Just give me a chance, won't you?"

Ayeka's ashen face seemed to turn to marble, she was so still.  Then silently her head turned first to one side and then another as her ruby eyes remained locked on the imposter's face.

"Give me a chance!" he shouted, causing her to close her eyes and flinch.  "I am Captain Tenchi!  There is no other!  I can prove it!  Ask me anything that only Captain Tenchi would know!  I can solve any equation, I can calculate the probable outcome of any scenario that you give me!  I…" he stopped, horrified as realization set in.  He was an android.  A machine.  He knew it, Ayeka knew it.  Nothing that he could say or do could change that.

Turning away from the petrified first officer, the shapeshifting android known as Zero spoke to the computer.  "Computer, this is Captain James Tenchi of the _USS Pioneer_.  Set autodestruct sequence one, code one, one A."

"No!" Ayeka found her voice, but couldn't get her body to do more than thrash around in her chair.

The tinny voice of the computer answered from the science station.  "Autodestruct sequence one, code one, one A, verified and correct.  Sequence one complete."  A number of mechanical clicks accompanied the message and the number '1' lit up on a tiny screen at Sciences.

Before Ayeka's startled eyes, the form of the fake Tenchi melted right before her, only to reform as her exact duplicate! 

"Computer," Zero said in Ayeka's proper concise tones.  "This is Lieutenant Commander Lydia Ayeka, executive officer.  Destruct sequence number two, code one, one A, two B."

"Voice authorization verified and correct," the computer's voice responded over the mechanical clicking.  A number '2' appeared on the screen under the '1' as the console announced "Autodestruct sequence number two, code one, one A, two B, complete."

Ayeka was frozen in the command chair as her mouth opened and closed without making a sound. 

The android's form changed again as it reformed itself into the tall broad shouldered form of the chief engineer.  "Computer, this is Lieutenant Commander Jay Nobuyuki, chief engineer.  Destruct sequence number three.  Code one B, two B, three."

Zero's form melted and reformed as Tenchi as the science console whirred and clicked.

"Voice authorization verified and correct," the computer's voice intoned remorselessly.  A number '3' appeared on the screen under the '2' as the console announced "Autodestruct sequence number three, code one B, two B, three, complete.  Autodestruct sequence completed and engaged."  To Ayeka's horror, the worlds 'Destruct Sequence Engaged' appeared on the screen next to the numbers.  "Awaiting final code to begin thirty second countdown."

"Goodbye Ayeka," the android said with Tenchi's voice.

"Wait!" Ayeka found her voice.  "What about your mission for your creator?  You have to turn Washu over to the Klingons, don't you?"

"None of that matters anymore," Zero shook his head sadly.  "No matter what I do, I can't make you love me.  I'm sorry, Ayeka.  Forgive me."

"Destruct sequence engaged," the computer stated with emotionless impatience.  "Awaiting final code to begin thirty second countdown."

"Computer, this is James Tenchi," Zero lied.  "Begin final countdown.  Code zero, zero, zero, destruct, zero."

"Autodestruct sequence engaged," the computer replied.  "Begin final thirty second countdown.  Thirty…  twenty nine…  twenty-eight…"

"No…" the teary-eyed Ayeka murmured.  She had failed Tenchi in every way.  She didn't save his life, she didn't save his ship.  She didn't deserve the uniform she was wearing.  She just wanted to crawl into bed and die.  Now she would die, and take the entire ship with her.

"Goodbye Ayeka," that android said softly as if put its arms around her.  "I love you."

_Next: The Broken Mirror_


	20. The Shattered Mirror

_Galaxy 1001D presents:_

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_**Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website.**_

_**Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry**_

_**And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima**_

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Twenty: The Shattered Mirror_

In a turbolift car just outside the stardrive bridge on deck nineteen, three figures listened carefully to the conversation on the emergency bridge. Lieutenant Washu had opened a panel in the elevator and attached a wire from her tricorder a port in the wall, allowing her to use the security cameras to spy on Zero and Ayeka. The little redhead stared at the tricorder's tiny television screen, and listened to a small earphone she wore. Captain James Tenchi and the space pirate Ryoko waited next to her, listening with rapt attention as Washu provided tactical intelligence.

"Too bad your stupid emergency bridge has a protective forcefield," Ryoko grumbled. "Then I'd be able to just pop in and take care of business."

"That android has a hostage, remember?" Tenchi countered. "We can't just charge in there like the Lone Ranger! We've got to be very careful and methodical about this!"

"The imposter just activated the ship's self-destruct sequence!" Washu reported.

"That's it, I'm going in!" Tenchi cried.

"Be careful," Ryoko warned him, "and methodical," she added sarcastically.

The boy shot her a dirty look, then took a deep breath and exhaled. "Okay, I'll shut off the autodestruct. That makes me the distraction. Ryoko, wait for your chance, then rescue Ayeka. Washu, you'll be backup. In the meantime, get this door open!"

"Roger," Washu pulled out a handheld tool that looked like a box cutter with a glowing blade. She used it to tap an exposed circuit in the open panel.

"Autodestruct sequence engaged," the science console on the stardrive bridge. "Begin final thirty second countdown. Thirty… twenty nine… twenty-eight…"

"No…" the teary-eyed Ayeka murmured. She had failed Tenchi in every way. She didn't save his life, she didn't save his ship. She didn't deserve the uniform she was wearing. She just wanted to crawl into bed and die.

"Goodbye Ayeka," that android said softly as if put its arms around her. "I love you."

"…twenty-four, twenty-three…" the computer ticked down the last seconds of the _Pioneer_'s life.

At that moment, the door hissed open and out stepped Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi. "Computer," he commanded while striking a heroic pose. "Recognize Captain James Tenchi of the _USS Pioneer_! Code one two three continuity! Abort destruct order! Repeat, code one two three continuity. Abort autodestruct sequence."

"Code confirmed," said the computer after an intolerable amount of mechanical clicking from the science console. "Autodestruct sequence aborted."

Washu and Ryoko remained hidden in the elevator car by pressing up against the walls next to the door. For a moment, the only sounds that could be heard were the beeping and droning sounds of the computers. Then Ayeka broke the silence. "Tenchi! You're alive!"

"That's right, Ayeka," he said as he drew his phaser pistol and stepped into the room. "Clay's escape ship had a transporter. When the _Pioneer_ locked its phasers on us, I programmed the computer to beam us over as soon as we were in range." The young captain held the pistol with both hands, pointing it at his demented doppelganger. "All right, you! Get away from my first officer, or…urk!" Suddenly Tenchi clutched his stomach, dropped his phaser pistol and staggered backwards.

"Tenchi!" Ryoko whispered to him. "What's wrong?"

"The painkillers are wearing off," he hissed through clenched teeth. When he had first revealed himself to his grief-stricken crew, the bridge officers had mistaken him for the imposter and attacked him. Doctor Yosho had given him some painkillers so that he could function, but had apparently been hesitant to give him too big of a dose. Now one by one, each bruise, ache, cut, and scrape became an unrelenting source of white-hot agony. "Ow! Ooh! Eee! Uh!" He spasmed and thrashed as each one of his injuries attacked him with resumed vigor.

"Captain!" Ayeka gasped.

"No!" Zero had recovered from his shock. He seized Ayeka and backed away towards the viewscreen. "I am Captain Tenchi!" he shouted melodramatically. "The one! The only! I deny you! Ayeka loves me, do you hear? Me, not you!"

Captain Tenchi clutched the captain's chair for support and took a painful breath. His efforts to speak made his voice loud at first and then quiet as his strength failed him. His words were alternately fast and slow. Still, he had to get his message across. "WOULD the real… Captain… Tenchi… set-his-ship-on-self-destruct? Would the GENUINE captain… put his own feelings before the lives…" He drew a ragged breath and "OF… HIS… CREW?" His next words were almost a hoarse whisper. "Look at Ayeka… She's terrified…" His voice sounded strange as he focused his will. "How could a man who professes to love her do this to her? Ayeka… You know that I would never do anything to harm you, don't you?"

"Yes, James," Ayeka answered meekly.

Tenchi's voice was the eerie calm of a man who has accepted his own death. "How can you say that you are James Tenchi when you are willing to harm that which is most important to you to get your way?" A spasm of pain caused his voice to wobble, but he pressed onwards. "If you LOVE HER…let her go." The captain discovered that he could maintain a calm, level tone if he spoke quietly. "She deserves her own life, with us, or without us."

"Don't take her away from me," Zero pleaded through Tenchi's teary eyes. "She's mine… I won't let you have her. She belongs to me…"

Tenchi shook his head. "She doesn't belong to anyone," he gently corrected. "She's a free spirit. Her own woman. She has to be free to fly… Free to grow… Free to succeed or fail on her own… It's not right to cage such beauty only to see it wither… She has to live her own life, and none of us has the right to stop her."

Zero gazed passionately at Ayeka's face, and then hugged her, crying bitterly. "I'm sorry! So sorry, Ayeka! I didn't mean it! Can you ever forgive me?"

As if in a trance, Ayeka looked at Tenchi for guidance, and saw him nod. She cleared her throat to find her voice. "W-why y-yes… I forgive you, Tenchi. I could never stay mad at you…" She hugged Zero back and caressed his Tenchi-like hair. "I'm sorry I was so mean earlier. You know what I can be like…"

Now that Tenchi was alive again and had given her something to _do_, Ayeka's self-assurance was returning. This was her place, at Tenchi's side, being his well-manicured right hand, his partner, his sidekick, the woman behind the successful man. Now that he had returned and trusted her to participate in her own rescue, she had the confidence to forgive herself and throw herself into her role.

"It's okay, Tenchi," she cooed in Zero's ear. "Everything is going to be all right. I have to go now, but I'll be right back, okay?"

Zero choked trying to speak, and in the end nodded as he released her from his grasp.

Ayeka had to force herself not to run away, and instead took slow, deliberate steps as she walked away from the defeated android.

Tenchi stared into the eyes of his demented duplicate. He could tell that with each step Ayeka took, the emotional turmoil in Zero was growing. It was unlikely that she would reach the turbolift before he changed his mind. Tenchi made a decision. "Washu, Ryoko," he said softly. "Now."

Suddenly, Ryoko appeared in her red catsuit between Zero and Ayeka and put her arms around the purple-haired Juraian.

"No!" Zero cried reaching out in vain as both Ryoko and Ayeka vanished. "NO!" He screamed as he clutched both sides of his head with his hands and crouched like an animal. He stared at Tenchi with a look that could be best described as murderous. "You! You took her away from me! I'll kill you! Then I will be the only Tenchi!"

Washu rolled out of the turbolift door with her phaser carbine in her arms. She shot a high-energy beam of light that knocked the android off his feet. Ayeka and Ryoko entered silently behind the little redhead to witness cerulean forks of lightning arc across the thrashing body of the screaming Zero. "Aaaah! Aaaaah!" Then the robot became quiet and extended a hand uselessly in the first officer's direction. "Ayeka…" The android became still, aside of a few spasms and twitches.

Tenchi let out a breath he had been holding. He stumbled over to collapse in the command chair. "Sit-rep," he gasped.

"The android has denied everyone but you voice access to the computer, Captain," Ayeka replied in a quiet voice.

"It also gassed the bridge and engineering," Washu added.

"Right," he nodded painfully. "Take us out of warp. Computer," he announced. "This is Captain Tenchi. Cancel all emergency security protocols. Restore voice activation to all authorized personnel. Disengage security protocol zero one three six five and restore normal atmospheric conditions to all decks."

A whirring and clicking erupted from the science console and then the computer spoke. "Voice authorization verified. Emergency security protocols canceled. Voice activation restored to all authorized personnel. Security protocol zero one three six five disengaged. Restoring normal atmospheric conditions to all decks."

"Phew," Washu let out a breath she had been holding, and then she walked over to examine Zero. "This is a fascinating piece of technology. A positronic net that mimics the human brain! The entire robot is composed of little nanites that combine together to create the whole. It's basically one hive mind composed of billions of robots too small to be seen by the naked eye."

"Ay…Ayeka," Zero murmured. "I…I'm s-sorry."

"Poor thing," Ayeka closed her eyes to keep the tears from coming out. "This poor twisted heap of metal was willing to defy its creator because it was in love with me. Now that it's incapacitated, I can't help but feel sorry for it somehow."

"Can you fix it?" Ryoko asked from the helm station.

"I don't know," Washu replied.

"Ayeka, I wish I really was Captain Tenchi…" the android feebly mumbled as the snaps and pops electronic shorts emitted from its body. "Captain Tenchi, please take care of her…"

"Don't worry, Captain," Washu's voice was gentle. "Everything is going to be fine."

"I-I'm not the captain," Zero said miserably.

"Oh yes you are," Washu said to the malfunctioning android. "Doctor Clay used the transporter beam to split you into two beings. One held Tenchi's command ability, the other his kind, gentle nature. He brainwashed the gentle one to do his bidding. Once we put both of you back in the transporter beam, everything will be back to normal. Then you can tell Ayeka how you feel."

Adrenaline shot through Tenchi's system, reviving him somewhat. "What?" the boy exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"

"Liar," Ryoko snorted to the brainy redhead.

"The choice is of course, up to you, Cap'n," Washu's green eyes seemed to pierce Tenchi's soul.

Tenchi looked down at the stricken android that looked so much like him. It smiled up to Ayeka gratefully, and Ayeka smiled weakly back down to Zero. That could so easily be himself lying there…

With one fluid motion, Tenchi pulled out the tiny 'hand phaser' that he had hidden on his person earlier. Flicking a dial on the concealable phaser unit that was as small as a turn of the millennium cell phone, the young captain then pressed the trigger button. A beam of bluish white light erupted out of the little gun, enveloping Zero in a blinding flash of glowing color. When the glow faded, there was no trace of the android left.

"Are you crazy?" Tenchi shook his fist at his science officer. "That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard! What's wrong with you anyway?"

Ryoko started laughing.

_Next: Cling On to Freedom_


	21. Cling on to Freedom

Galaxy 1001D presents:

**Star Trek: Pioneer**

**_Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi_**

**_Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu _**

**_Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko_**

**_Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka _**

**_Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami _**

**_Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi_**

**_Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone _**

**_Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito Yosho_**

**_Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers_**

**_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, CBS/Paramount Studios, the author, the readers, or this website._**

**_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_**

**_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_**

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

_Chapter Twenty-one: Cling On to Freedom_

In the emergency bridge on deck nineteen, Washu and Ayeka stared at the scorch mark on the carpet that was the only indication that a shape-shifting android had been disintegrated by Tenchi's phaser. Ryoko laughed cruelly from the helm station.

"You're cold, Cap'n," Washu scolded.

"He was going to attack," Tenchi lied. "I could tell. That's what's going in the official report anyways." He tapped an intercom on his chair. "Tenchi to Kiyone."

"Kiyone here," his teal-haired tactical officer replied. "Captain, we've managed to get into the emergency bridge on deck seven… Wait a minute, how do I know it's really you, sir?"

"It's him," Washu said.

"Kiyone, I've restored the ship to normal functions," Tenchi informed her. "You can verify that from where you are, can't you?"

"Yes," Kiyone replied hesitantly, "but it could still be a ruse of some kind… I mean, the android is clever…"

"Okay, how about this?" Tenchi pushed a button on his chair and suddenly the main viewscreen displayed a view of the emergency bridge on deck seven. Lieutenant Kiyone and Doctor Yosho were manning deck seven's bridge with a group of junior officers.

"Captain," Kiyone squinted through the screen at him. "There you are. What happened to the android?"

"He got disintegrated," Washu grumbled. "Technology over a century in advance of our own and he…"

Ryoko spoke over the science officer's mutterings. "Don't worry, Kiyone. That's the real Tenchi. I can always tell them apart."

That remark broke Ayeka out of her funk. "Oh really?" The first officer sniped. "How?"

"Simple, really," Ryoko shrugged. "My senses are a lot sharper than those of you Juraians. I can smell the pheromones his body his putting out. His body _reeks_ of them. The android didn't have any. It was sterile. Couldn't you tell?"

Ayeka bit her lip and looked away. Now that Ryoko mentioned it, she _hadn't_ felt sexually attracted to 'Captain Tenchi' ever since the imposter beamed on board. On the other hand, the real Tenchi was still attractive, even in his battered, bruised, (and somewhat ruthless) state. Perhaps there _was_ something to this pheromone nonsense after all.

"Erm," Kiyone still seemed undecided. "The android had access to your memories, Captain…"

"I can clear this up," Washu assured her. She bent over and pushed her skirt up to expose her backside to Tenchi. "Hey, Skipper, get a load of this!" the saucy science officer teased while shaking her posterior at her commanding officer.

"Washu," Tenchi snapped irritably. "What are you doing?"

"See?" Washu winked at Kiyone. "That's the real Captain. The fake one would be undressing me with his eyes."

"Well, um, I guess," Kiyone blushed. Doctor Yosho coughed to cover up his laughter. Quiet chuckles were heard on the saucer's emergency bridge. "Ahem," Kiyone cleared her throat and assumed her 'command voice'. "Just what do you people find so amusing? The main bridge is out and we have to control the ship from here. Get this ship operational right now!"

Murmurs of "Yes, ma'am," and "Right away, ma'am," where heard as the ensigns and lieutenant junior grades focused on their duties.

Kiyone smiled apologetically through the viewscreen at Tenchi who ruefully nodded and smiled back.

Ryoko pushed a button and the view of deck seven's emergency bridge vanished, to be replaced by the infinite night sky of outer space. "As I was saying," the beautiful buccaneer spun in her chair to face the others, "that android was defective in the first place. How long did it take for you to tell that it was a fake, anyway?"

"Well," Ayeka blushed, "I could tell something was wrong as soon as we met in the transporter room…"

Ryoko just kept talking as if Ayeka hadn't responded. The sexy space pirate hadn't really wanted an answer anyway. She just liked to hear herself talk. "I mean, how corrupted did its program have to be to have the hots for _Ayeka_, anyway?" the swashbuckling siren continued. "Talk about being warped!" Ryoko doubled over in laughter. "Everybody knows that the _real_ Tenchi is in love with _me_! As soon as it started reading poetry to Ayeka, everyone would know the difference! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Tenchi and Ayeka blushed and looked sadly at each other. Embarrassment, sorrow, and finally acceptance crossed their features as Ryoko rubbed tears from her eyes from laughing so obnoxiously.

"Yes," Ayeka said in a voice almost too quiet to hear. "It's quite silly."

"Preposterous," Tenchi nodded sadly. "It could never happen."

Ryoko's laughter died as both Tenchi and Ayeka sighed. "Hey-hey-hey!" the pirate snarled. "What are you two doing, flirting? Isn't there a regulation or something against relations with someone directly in your chain of command?"

"Urk!" Tenchi and Ayeka started, and then looked away from each other.

"Flirting?" Tenchi started sweating nervously. "What do you mean? Heh-heh."

"Don't be so suspicious, Ryoko," Ayeka tutted while turning her back on the pirate to walk to the engineering/power allocation console near the elevator door. "Of course we weren't flirting," she added, still not facing Ryoko. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Well, I hope not," Ryoko grumbled as she crossed her arms and legs in irritation. Her head turned to glare at first at Tenchi, then Ayeka.

"Hey skipper," Washu was having a hard time manning both sciences and communications, for her limbs were too short to make it easy. "I think that you should pay attention to this."

On the main bridge, Mihoshi screamed, then her eyes rolled back in her head and the blonde fell backwards to collapse on Nobuyuki. As the back of her skull collided with his groin, the burly engineer groaned in pain to sit up and clutch at himself.

Back on the stardrive bridge on deck nineteen, Washu pointed grimly at the main viewscreen.

"Magnify," Tenchi croaked.

Washu pushed a button at sciences and the viewscreen revealed the unmistakable contours of a Klingon _K'tinga_ class D7 battlecruiser.

"The Klingons…" Ayeka muttered.

"We forgot all about them," Tenchi finished her thought.

"Oops," Ryoko gave an embarrassed chuckled and shrugged. "That's right, the Klingons agreed to fund Doctor Clay's research if he turned over Washu. Forgot all about that."

"What do we do?" Ayeka asked Tenchi. "The ship isn't ready for battle! There hasn't been enough time for everybody in engineering to wake up yet."

"We stall for time," Tenchi replied stiffly. He cleared his throat. "Kiyone, get your people ready to follow my orders, all right?"

"Yes, sir, Captain," the tactical officer's voice responded from a hidden speaker.

"Get power available to weapons and shields, but don't arm anything until I give the order." Tenchi ordered.

"But we won't be able to go to warp with main engineering out," Ayeka said in a shaky voice. "We'll be sitting ducks."

"We won't let the Klingons know that," the young captain responded. "Washu, hail the Klingons."

"They're responding," Washu informed him.

"On screen," he nodded.

The image of the Klingon battlecruiser vanished to be replaced by an image of an albino Klingon in the regalia of a Klingon nobleman. White hair and white skin contrasted with the red pupils of his otherwise yellow eyes. His hair was worn long and the tails covering his sideburns were so long that they dangled down to his shoulders. His white villainous goatee was trimmed so short on his colorless face it was practically invisible. An olive green cape covered his shoulders, but his dark blue collar that was bisected by a thick purple stripe down the front was still visible. Only a thin three-pronged broach at his collarbone broke the stripe.

"Kagato," Tenchi steeled himself. They hadn't seen Captain Kagato or the battlecruiser _Soja_ since their encounter at Gamma Hydra, but here they were, parsecs from the Klingon border. Just what they needed to end a 'perfect' day. "My dear Captain Kagato," Tenchi forced himself to smile. "What brings you so far into Federation space?"

"Well, if it isn't my dear young friend, Captain Tenchi," Kagato replied in his sinister, seductive, and subtly sarcastic voice. "Who would have guessed that it was _your_ ship in need of assistance? The universe is an ironic place indeed."

"My ship?" Tenchi asked. "In need of assistance? Explain yourself."

Kagato seemed only too happy to. "Well, we intercepted a distress call during a routine border patrol, and according to…" the Klingon officer placed a set of dark round pince-nez on his nose and acted as if he as reading something just out of view. "…provision five nine four, article three, of the Treaty of Muyo, we responded to the distress signal, even though it originated from within Federation space. It was on a low frequency, and no other starships responded to it."

On the emergency bridge on deck seven, Kiyone groaned as tears trickled out of her eyes. "Ugh! Mihoshi! I told her to send out a distress call! Instead of calling Starbase Ten, that idiot called the Klingons!"

On the viewscreen of all three of the _Pioneer_'s bridges, the image of Captain Kagato was visible. "I apologize for crossing your borders without authorization, Captain," the Klingon said smoothly, "but it sounded as if your lives were in danger, and I'm sure it would be worth any formal complaint you wish to lodge with our embassy to insure the safety of sentient beings."

Tenchi closed his eyes, snickered grimly and shook his head. "That won't be necessary, Captain. We will escort you back to the border and that will be that. I won't lodge any complaints against your government. It could have happened to anyone."

"Are you sure that you don't need any assistance?" Kagato purred. "I could send some engineers over to check your systems if you like, and my medical staff is standing by…"

"That… won't be necessary, Captain Kagato," Tenchi replied with forced calm. He was thinking of the two hundred and twenty combat marines that the _Soja_ could beam over if they got close enough. That wasn't including the three hundred and sixty five naval personnel who would only be too happy to capture a Federation cruiser. "What you intercepted was a drill. A war game. It's a test to see how long it takes for a ship in distress to get a response. Starfleet thought it would be a good idea considering the political situation between our two governments. In case the unthinkable should occur, and war be declared, Starfleet needs to be ready for any eventuality, don't you agree?"

Kagato's smile wavered, and his eyes became narrow slits. Tenchi looked him in eye and smiled grimly. It was obvious that Kagato realized that he was talking to the real Captain Tenchi, and not the imposter. "I… see…" he murmured while maintaining his false smile. "Are you certain that your ship is in full operational readiness, my young Captain?"

"Certainly," Tenchi replied with increasing confidence. "I assure you that we have full combat capability. Allow me to demonstrate. He spoke into the intercom on the arm of his chair. "Kiyone, raise the shields, will you?"

"Aye-aye, Captain," Kiyone's voice responded.

"And arm the phaser banks up to full to let our dear friend know we're all right, could you?" Tenchi added.

"Phasers on full, sir," the tactical officer's voice acknowledged.

"So you see," Tenchi explained. "That entire ship-in-distress call was a sham. Still, it's good to meet such a humanitarian from what Starfleet considers an unfriendly power. To think that you risked your life, your ship, and your career to cross the border to rescue a Federation starship while hostilities between our stellar nations are at an all time high." The boy tapped his fist against his heart in a mocking parody of emotion. "Perhaps it will be brave individuals such as you that will prevent armed conflict between us and preserve the peace. If you still don't believe that we are combat ready, we could load the torpedo bays if you like."

"That… won't be necessary, Captain," Kagato nodded ruefully. "It appears that you are not in need of assistance after all. We accept your invitation to escort us back to our space. Until next time…" The Klingon's face disappeared from the main screen and the image of the _Soja_ appeared in its place. Before the relieved officers, the battlecruiser slowly turned to display it's aft facing and disappeared into warp.

Ryoko crossed her arms and huffed in disgust. "Well, _that_ was anticlimactic."

"It wouldn't be _Star Trek_ if it wasn't," Washu shrugged. "Hopefully the guys in main engineering are awake by now."

"Match its speed but maintain a healthy distance, Kiyone," the young captain instructed as attempted to get up from the command chair. "I think I'm ready to go back to sick bay now."

"Here Tenchi, let me give you a hand," Ryoko offered, rising from the helmsman's station and reaching tenderly for the stricken boy.

"You will not," Ayeka snapped as she pushed Ryoko away. "He is _my_ captain. He can lean on _my_ shoulder if he needs to."

"He shouldn't depend on your little mouse muscles to support him," Ryoko taunted. "You'd just drop him."

"Mouse muscles?" Ayeka chirped indignantly. "Well even though I'm not built like an ox like _some_ people, I can still pass Starfleet's physical requirements…"

"Who's built like an ox?" Ryoko snarled. "You are pushing it, Ayeka! After I risked my life to save you, too!"

"What are you talking about?" Ayeka put her hands on her hips. "You can teleport and walk through walls. The android didn't have a phaser. You were never in any danger."

"No danger, huh?" Ryoko mimicked Ayeka's posture. "What about Doctor Clay's escape ship? We were almost vaporized!"

"That's right!" Tenchi almost shouted, trying to distract the bickering duo before the argument got out of hand. He had sat back down as the women argued. "Washu, you said that Clay was your teacher. I find that hard to believe."

"You got that right," Ryoko snickered. "If he was your teacher, how did you get the reputation as a genius?"

"Who's Doctor Clay?" Ayeka asked. "Was he the android's creator? Was he really your teacher? Really?"

"That's right," Washu nodded. "When I was in grammar school, he was my P.E. teacher."

One by one Tenchi, Ryoko, and Ayeka started laughing. As the _Pioneer_ went to warp, the 'Star Trek' signature tune by Alexander Courage could be heard as the names of the producers appeared in the middle of space.

END


	22. SPECIAL FEATURES

Washu: And now, because you demanded it—the Special Features!

Ryoko: What are you talking about? No body "demanded it," the author just likes to beat a dead horse!

Washu: Nonsense! Just like the "Bonus Features" on DVD special additions, _Star Trek: Pioneer_ now gives you "The making of" and the author's commentary. Now you can discover where the author got his ideas, how the author created the story, and what got used and what got cut! Aspiring writers out there can see the process of creation and be inspired to try their hand at constructing a tale of their own to post on line! Who knows, maybe someone out there will be the next J.K. Rowling!

Ryoko: No offense, Washu, but I find the "Bonus Features" on DVD's snoreville and they break the suspension of disbelief. They destroy the mood by showing that "the creators weren't that original, they just did this," or something like that. It's kind of anticlimactic after the story is over and doesn't really cut it.

Washu: Stop looking at the glass as if it's half-empty! Lots of people want to see what was going on in the author's head while he was writing.

Ryoko: (sarcastically) Yeah, lots of people want to hear some loser talk about how brilliant he is while showing us that he doesn't have a single original bone in his body.

Washu: Even William Shakespeare wrote remakes! According to Aristotle, there are only eight stories, anyway! You are always so mean to our fan fiction writers! No wonder we don't have very many writers out there!

Ryoko: So what? Fan fiction pays chicken feed compared to cartoons and comics.

Washu: Have you noticed any new _Tenchi Muyo_ cartoons or comic books released out there lately?

(akward pause)

Ryoko: (forced cheeriness) Hey everyone! Guess what? If you enjoyed all twenty-one chapters of _Star Trek: Pioneer_, I bet you will love to read these special features!

Washu: That's the spirit! Stay tuned for interviews, deleted scenes, and our infamous blooper reel!

Interviews:

_Tenchi Masaki, Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi, Commanding Officer_

Tenchi: When I was asked to play a starship captain in a _Star Trek_ parody, I thought to myself 'What the hell is _Star Trek_?' Turns out everybody knew what it was but me. I had never watched it since I've got my training and chores and stuff. Never had much time for TV.

Dad got me a DVD of the first season of the original series to watch, so I'd be familiar with the traditions and clichés of the genre. Did you know that they made four or five series of _Star Trek_? It's just like _Robotech_ or _Voltron_ where completely different casts exist in the same continuity, just separated by time and space but still in the same universe or something. Anyway, this series is supposed to take place at the same time as the original series, kind of like how _Tenchi GXP_ is supposed to take place around the same time as _Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki_.

Anyway, the United Federation of Planets is kind of like the Galactic Union that Jurai is part of, and Star Fleet is like the Galaxy Police, only with more exploration or something. I'm not really a big sci fi guy, you'll have to ask Washu or my dad for details.

I got the part of the captain. He's supposed to be an 'every earthman' type who represents the human race, or something like that. His name 'James Jean-Luc Tenchi' comes from three different nationalities, and the makeup job they gave me makes me look like I come from Mexico or something. I don't know if it worked.

Captain Tenchi is actually in his late forties, but since I'm not in my forties it was decided that I had a 'transporter accident' that de-aged me or something. I really don't see what the big deal was. Guys my age are always driving giant robots or piloting spaceships, but the author apparently thought that the captain should be an old guy or something.

The captain's relationship with Ayeka is the typical unrequited love sexual tension thing. Ayeka's character Lydia Ayeka was a student of his or maybe an old flame. I forget.

_Washu Hakubi, Lieutenant Washu, Science Officer_

Washu: My character doesn't really change that much from the television versions of _Tenchi Muyo_. I'm still a super genius from another planet. My people are called the Chousin, because the author heard that's what the three goddesses from the OVA were called. We're supposed to be a tiny bit further along the evolutionary scale than the standard Earth-style human. We got advanced nervous systems and super-intelligence, but we're short. Like a woman couldn't be short and petite without being an alien. Spock got his ears and I got my height. (laughs)

I'm the science officer, like that's a no brainer. It's my job to provide exposition so that the audience can understand the obscure science fiction theme running through an adventure. In other words, I explain how reality works in a given episode so that the people at home have some idea what's going on! Although Ayeka has the first officer position, I'm usually the one taking the role of the captain's right hand, 'cause she's usually too close emotionally to assume the 'Spock' role.

It's cool being the alien. I get to unveil another alien power every five or six episodes. In 'Dagger of the Brain' my new power is the 'Chousin butt-pinch'. It's like the Vulcan nerve pinch but it's a bit lower down! (laughs) Another cool thing about being the alien is that I get to make impartial observations on the human condition. You know, from an outsider's point of view, that sort of thing. I know just about everybody on the bridge is supposed to come from another planet, but they're all just basically your average human types. Don't let the hair and eye colors fool you.

A lot of people ask questions about the stardates. Well, to be honest, when Star Trek started in the '60's, the producers didn't know what century they were in. So they made a 'metric time' that sounded politically correct. After all, why would a United Federation of Planets use the time system of just one member world?

That would be like the western world forcing the Common Era time on all of us, _which they did. _Sorry, I'll try to leave politics out of it. In _Star Trek_, we disguise contemporary issues in science fiction clothing. You know, every week the stars beam down to a world facing problems that mirror those of the planet Earth today. The captain and his officers look at each other and say 'Tsk, tsk, these people are really messed up!'

Anyway back to mixing _Tenchi Muyo_ and _Star Trek_. If you pay close attention to _Tenchi in Toyko_, you'll notice '_Next Generation'_ style computer panels in Mihoshi's and Kiyone's spaceship. As a matter of fact, the first time they are contacted by headquarters, there is a stardate displayed, the same stardate from the _Next Generation_ episode 'The Best of Both Worlds'. That was the big Borg episode where the bald guy gets captured and the bearded guy is left in charge.

Ryoko: Duhwhoop! Duhwoop! Nerd alert! Nerd alert! Only a sci-fi geek with no life would know that!

Washu: Shut up, Ryoko! Your interview is next. Wait your turn.

Ryoko: I'm sorry. Say, if _Star Trek: Pioneer_ takes place at the same time as _Star Trek_'s original series, what season is it for Captain Kirk? I mean, has Spock gotten married yet?

Washu: Good question. If you look at the stardates, both this and the preceding episode took place in the early stardate 2000's. The writer tried to be clever by converting the year he wrote it into a stardate. That way 2008 becomes stardate 2008 point something, get it? 'The Balance of Terror' from the original series took place in Stardate 1709.2 and the next lowest stardate is 'The Squire of Gothos' in Stardate 2124.5, so that would put our second season halfway through Kirk's first season…

Ryoko: Ha-ha-ha! Nerd Alert! We've gone to Nerd Level Five! Geek Factor off the scale, Captain!

Washu: Shut up!

_Ryoko Habuki, the space pirate Ryoko_

Ryoko: My character is basically the same as it was in _Tenchi Universe_. That way I don't have to memorize any of the _Star Trek_ nerd stuff. I'm not even a member of the crew, I just showed up at the beginning of the season and decided to stick around. (laughs)

Anyway, in _Tenchi Universe_, there were three flashbacks showing my childhood, and that forms the basis of my character. Apparently I'm an orphan who was raised on Jurai, and when I was a teenager I got these weird superpowers. Since I didn't like working I decided to steal stuff for a living and then live the good life like in the episode 'No Need For Hunger'.

In the OVA, my powers come from the gems and from being created out of Washu's DNA and some globby alien stuff, but in the TV shows, no explanation was given. So in _Star Trek: Pioneer_, I discovered that I had been genetically augmented without my knowledge. That's what started me drinking. I drank a lot in _Tenchi Universe_. That was a big part of my character in my first _Trek_ episode.

I'm kind of like Doctor Smith in _Lost in Space_. (laughs) I wreck the crew's perfectly ordered life by putting a little chaos in it. Since I'm not a good little soldier I get to say what I think.

My people's home planet has never been revealed in any Tenchi show, so the author decided to give me a home planet: Burchardia. That's supposed to be the planet I was on during 'No Need for Hunger'. It was named after Petra Burchard, the woman who provides my voice when it has to be translated into English.

A lot of people think I'm just a shallow character with a great set of boobs. Well that's not true. I've got killer legs also! (laughs) And a great ass! I get letters about my ass!

I love my character because I get such a range of emotions. I really get to act, unlike some of the cast. And this author gives me the best one-liners and punchlines. It's great!

_Ayeka Masaki Jurai, Lieutenant Commander Lydia Ayeka, Executive Officer_

Ayeka: In this story I play the beautiful and talented first officer the _Pioneer_, Lydia Ayeka. I'm not a princess in this story, but I am the heir to the plutocrats of Jurai. Mihoshi made them up during the _Galaxy Police Special_ when she told us the story of the Ultra Energy Matter robberies. Anyway, I'm still an aristrocrat which is why I have such impeccable manners and breeding.

My character is hopelessly in love with her captain which is why she approaches her duties with a certain… zealousness… that is unbecoming at times. She does have a temper, but that's because she tends to panic when something happens that could make the captain look bad. Someone has to look out for him, you know.

Captain Tenchi is too soft-hearted for the job, so it falls to his first officer to exert a little discipline once and a while. Basically, it's the first officer's job to be hated so the crew loves the captain more. Lydia will make any sacrifice for her captain. (sighs wistfully)

I suppose it's true that my character can be a _little_ too hard on Ryo-ohki, but if she wanted to be part of the cast why didn't she play a pet or something like that? Didn't that _Quantum Leap_ fellow have a dog on his ship? It's silly to have a communications officer who can't talk.

I like this episode because it shows how close my character is to the captain. From right off she knows that something is wrong, just like I knew in _Tenchi in Tokyo_. She's the first one to figure out that he's an imposter too. You can't fool a woman's heart forever, you know.

_Sasami Masaki Jurai, Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami_

Sasami: A lot of the cast had a hard time playing different roles, but not me. Washu and I have been in the _Pretty Sammy_ series so we know how to play different characters.

I play Sherry Lynn Sasami, a third year cadet who's been put in charge of the transporter controls. Since I'm an officer-in-training, I fill in on the bridge. It's part of my on-the-job training. My part is a lot like the cadet I played in the _Mihoshi Galaxy Police Special_.

It's hard not having Ryo-ohki on my head during the shots 'cause she has to play the communications officer in this series. Although we spend as much time together as we can off camera she spends too much time in costuming and makeup to change back into a little bunny kitty, so things are a little awkward. She still has trouble walking, but she's getting better.

_Mihoshi Kuramitsu, Lieutenant Barbie Mihoshi, Chief Helmswoman_

Mihoshi: I'm the helmswoman, because that would give me the most opportunities to crash the ship. (laughs) Seriously, in _Tenchi in Tokyo_, you'll notice that I steered the ship and Kiyone was the gunner. That's pretty much the situation on the _Pioneer_, too.

Did you know that during the '90's, the company that released _Tenchi Muyo_ in the United States was called Pioneer? Just like the song, _I'm a Pioneer_. Some coincidence, huh?

It's hard to remember my lines sometimes, because most of the time I'm just breaking into somebody else's conversation with a silly comment. It's really hard to just sit there and wait for your cue, y'know? Believe it or not, it was easier when I was playing Zero instead of myself. I actually had a constant train of thought!

I'm basically the comic relief and some eye candy as well. I'm the 'dumb blonde' but in this episode it's revealed that I'm actually a genius who had her memory erased. Apparently the same thing happened to Lieutenant Uhura once.

Like most of the cast, I'm an alien. I guess I'm a Seniwan, like I am in the OVA's, or part alien, part human. There's a lot of that in _Star Trek_. In the OVA's, Prince Yosho was half-human, wasn't he? I guess I'm part human too.

_Kiyone Makibi, Lieutenant Cassandra Kiyone, Tactical Officer _

Kiyone: I'm the tactical officer, which means that I'm in charge of the ship's guns. (laughs) I sit at the ops station which is in front of the captain's chair directly to the right of helm, which is where Mihoshi sits. I'm not really sure what I do at ops, but I think it has something to do with navigation and shooting things. I guess I'm the copilot as well as the tactical officer. I'm not sure if the tactical officer is in charge of security also. That would be a lot to up on a lieutenant's plate, especially on a heavy cruiser!

I'm basically the straight man for Mihoshi, but since Tenchi is the straight man for the entire cast I really don't get a lot of lines. Still, I got a bigger part than I did in _Tenchi Forever_, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

_Katsuhito Masaki AKA Yosho Masaki Jurai,__ Lieutenant Commander__ Katsuhito_ _Yosho, Chief Medical Officer_

Katsuhitio: I'm the chief surgeon, and Captain Tenchi's oldest friend. Oldest in both sense of the word. I'm the McCoy to his Kirk. Every show needs some old guy to watch over the kids and that's me.

I wear 'medical robes' that are actually the same gi I wear as a Shinto priest. American audiences will never know the difference, and I don't have to wear that blue sweater. It really itches.

Before _Star Trek II_, nobody in _Star Trek_ wore glasses. My hat's off to Kirk to clearing the way for us old codgers.

Tenchi's character is supposed to be in his late forties. It always cracks me up when we have a line where we say 'back when we were kids,' like we're the same age or something. Well, _I_ think it's funny, anyway.

_Ryo-ohki, Ensign Whiskers, Communications_

Ryo-ohki: (Looks at the camera nervously while being in toddler form) Mew? (Looks around nervously, then fidgets) Mew! (Points offstage. Camera pivots, then turns back to see Ryo-ohki's empty seat. Little footsteps are heard running away, and then a door slams)

_Noike Kamiki Jurai, Lieutenant Noike, Ship's Counselor_

Noike: I really didn't expect to be asked to be in this _Star Trek_ story. The author is a big Kiyone fan.

I play the Vulcan psychiatrist, but most of my part was edited out. I'm playing a Vulcan because of my ears. (Touches her ear) I filled in on the bridge when most of the main characters had left in the later chapters. I hope to be in more Tenchi stories in the future.

_Sakuya Kumashiro, Petty Officer 1__st__ Class Suzanne Sakuya, Captain's Yeoman_

Sakuya: My character is the captain's yeoman. My character assists the ship's commanding officer with administration. That means that when the captain is beaming down to fight rock monsters, I'm the one who makes sure that his paperwork gets done. I'm kind of like Radar O'Riley from _MASH._ Anyway, when I'm not at my desk outside the captain's office, I'm the gal in the red skirt carrying a clipboard. In the 23rd century, at least one person always carries a clipboard. That's me.

I'm surprised that my character hasn't been killed off. I'm not in the opening titles and the author isn't a big Sakuya fan. I credit my character's longevity to the fact that all these officers need somebody to order around. I'm the only reoccurring enlisted character on the ship!

_Nobuyuki Masaki,_ _Lieutenant Commander__ Jay Nobuyuki, Chief Engineer_

Nobuyuki: I'm tickled pink to be chosen to play the chief engineer! I hope that I'm a regular character in the series. I mean, every _Star Trek _series has a chief engineer. We're flying a spaceship, for crying out loud. If anything goes wrong with the ship we're all dead. How can you not have a chief engineer?

I've been playing a lot of different roles during season one, mostly aliens so I won't be recognized. I tell you, that latex is murder. I'm a little claustrophobic.

I think that it will be good to put a little testosterone on the bridge. Doctor Yosho is the only male department head on the ship. The rest are all women. It's like Kirk's ship in reverse.

Deleted Scenes: 

Chapter One: The Orion Gambit

"_Ho, ho, ho_," _Laughed the Orion woman evilly, for indeed, they __were_ _hoes. _

The Chapter that was Cut:

Washu: This next scene was supposed to go in between chapters one and two. It was an entire chapter introducing Noike as the Vulcan Counselor, like Counselor Troy from _Next Generation._ Since the next chapter provided the same exposition, it was cut, and chapter three became the new chapter two, and so on. This scene had the opening titles and the 'guest stars names' joke that _Tenchi Trek_ had.

(Fade to black)

Space…the final frontier… These are the voyages of the Starship Pioneer. Her ongoing mission, to explore strange new worlds…to seek out new life and civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before… Star Trek: Pioneer

_**Starring Tenchi Masaki as Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Science Officer Washu **_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as the Space Pirate Ryoko**_

_**Ayeka Masaki Jurai as Lt. Commander Lydia Ayeka **_

_**Sasami Masaki Jurai as Midshipman Sherry Lynn Sasami **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Lt. Barbie Mihoshi**_

_**Kiyone Makibi as Tactical Officer Cassandra Kiyone **_

_**Katsuhito Masaki as Doctor Katsuhito**__**Yosho**_

_**Ryo-oh-ki as Ensign Whiskers**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. Star Trek and all related material are © Paramount Studios. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry_

_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

Soaring through the void between worlds was an unusal looking spaceship that appeared to be a disk connected to three cylinders. The starship drifted peacefully through space as the awkward voice of Matt K. Miller (or for those of you in Japan, Masami Kikuchi) was heard. "Captain's log, stardate 2008.3, Captain James Jean-Luc Tenchi, commanding officer of the NCC-1992 USS Pioneer, reporting. We are travelling to the psychatric penal colony on Gehenna II. Our mission: To transfer supplies to this distant outpost and if possible, find our unexpected guest a good home." As the ship sailed through the emptyness of space, glowing words appeared in the darkness:

**Dagger of the Brain**

By Galaxy1001D

Chapter Two: Counseling Session

Before they arrived, Tenchi paid a visit to the ship's counselor's office. "I know that this is an unusal request," the young skipper said to the as he sat down, "but I'd like you to interview Ryoko before we reach Gehenna Two. See if you can build up a psychological profile."

Sitting in another nearby chair, Counselor Noike was a stunning young woman with short green hair parted in the middle in a widow's peak. Her pointed ears indicated that Vulcan, home to a race of telepaths who had suppressed all emotion, was her planet of origin. "Although I'm curious, sir, wouldn't the psychiatrists at the Gehenna II be more qualified in criminal psychology?"

As she spoke, words appeared in front of her chest. Distracted, the green haired woman glanced down at them.

Doctor Clay

"Ignore it," Tenchi suggested. "It's just the names of the guest stars. They scroll by at the bottom of the screen in every series except the first one."

Confused, Noike peered at the captain's gold sweater. "But isn't this parody based on the original series?"

Tenchi rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "I know, but even though this story takes place in Star Trek's twenty-third century, the writer is still trying to make this 'every Trek', do you understand?"

"I thought this was based on Next Generation," Noike insisted. "I'm the ship's counselor, and oh! There's my name."

Sure enough, Doctor Clay's name had vanished to be replaced by the counselor's own.

Noike Kamiki Jurai as Counselor Noike.

Tenchi, who had already completed an entire season of Star Trek: Pioneer, was better at ignoring the words at the bottom of the screen. "The author assumes that many terms in Trek are universal to Starfleet, and the different terminology on the various shows indicates a difference in the various ships rather than changes over time."

"I'll have to take your word for it," Noike responded. "I never watched the original series."

Noike's name vanished to be replaced by a third name.

Haruna as Ensign Camille Haruna

Tenchi cleared his throat. "Well, now that that's straightened out, can we get back to the matter at hand?"

"Yes," Noike nodded. "You've never entered my office for a psyhological evaluation before."

"What?" Tenchi cried as another name appeared.

Sakuya Kumashiro as Petty Officer Suzanne Sakuya

"What do you mean?" Tenchi's voice was a bit shriller than he intended. "I don't need a psyhological evaluation!"

"Last year, you suffered an accident that transformed you into a teenage boy," Noike pointed out. "In addition, you appear to display favoritism to a known criminal, the space pirate Ryoko."

Tenchi sighed in defeat. "All right," he nodded. "I admit that I'm soft on Ryoko. I don't believe that she's really dangerous. The problem is that I need a second opinion. I want to know how realistic it is for her to rejoin a lawful society."

"You do not trust your own judgment?" Noike went straight for the throat.

"No it's not that!" Tenchi snapped. "It's only prudent for a captain to ask for a professional opinion from one of his experts. It's a stupid captain who thinks he can do it all by himself."

Nobuyuki Masaki as Jay Nobuyuki

"There's something you are not telling me," Noike insisted. "Are you infatuated with the space pirate?"

"That's a difficult question to answer," Tenchi crossed his arms and looked away.

"How so?"

"It doesn't take much for me to fall in love these days," he sighed.

Mr. Suvok as Master Chief Suvok

"What do you mean?" Noike wrote with an electronic stylus on a clipboard shaped gadget called a Personal Access Display Device, or PADD for short. "Could you elaborate?"

"Do I have to?" Tenchi whined. "It's very embarrassing."

"It would not do for you to conceal psychological information from me," Noike insisted.

Tenchi blinked. He scratched his head and glanced at the ceiling. "Um, ever since my accident, I've been…ah…interested in the opposite sex."

"In what way?"

"In what way?" Tenchi repeated in disbelief. "How many ways are there to be interested in the opposite sex? I want to make love with them, of course! Deep down, I want to make love just about every woman I see! Every time I see an attractive woman, a perverted part of my mind starts to undress them! It's really quite disgusting!"

"Disgusting?"

"Yes, of course it is!" Tenchi insisted. "I'm a grown man! Or I was…" he stopped and looked down at the floor as he squirmed in his chair. "I shouldn't be reacting like a horny teenager! My officers deserve more respect than that. I can't take advantage of them! It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to me!"

"Your officers?" Noike looked up from her PADD. "You have fantasies about your officers?"

"Yes," Tenchi winced in pain as he leaned back in his chair and covered his eyes with his hands. "Good gawd, yes! Aside of Doctor Yosho and Jay Nobuyuki, every single one of them is a beautiful girl! And they are all so sweet, too! Everyone of them is a girl that I could spend the rest of my life with."

"Many of your species would believe that this is a blessing," Noike pointed out. "So what is the problem?"

"The problem is that I don't know if I'm really in love, or just overcome with teenage hormones," Tenchi replied. "I can't trust my judgment when it comes to an attractive woman. Especially when it comes to personal decisions. That's why I want a second opinion with Ryoko. I want to know if there's really some good in there or if I'm just seeing what I want to see."

Noike nodded. "A prudent course of action, I must admit."

"Is there any sort of medication I can take or any therapy?" Tenchi grumbled. "I want to be able to concentrate on my job instead of how cute the gal at ops is."

"Have you spoken to Doctor Yosho?" Noike asked sympathetically.

"He says my body can't take anymore salt peter," Tenchi grumbled.

"Well, we can start you off with some basic meditation techniques," Noike suggested. "Why don't we do some breathing exercises? Take a deep breath and let it out slowly, like this." The counselor took a deep breath causing her already ample chest to expand.

"Doh!" Tenchi gasped as his eyes stared at her curvaceous torso.

"Is something wrong?" Noike asked innocently.

Tenchi blushed and leaped up from his chair. "Wrong? No, nothing! Nothing at all! Why do you ask?"

"You are heading for the door," Noike said dryly.

"You know me, always busy!" Tenchi stammered. "A captain's work is never done, you know! We really must do this again, soon! Bye-bye now!" The door hissed open as the teenage captain leapt through it like a buck during hunting season.

"Hmm," muttered Noike as she scribbled on her PADD.

The door hissed open again and Tenchi stuck his head into the room. "By the way, is it true that you Vulcans have no emotions?"

"Yes," Noike sighed as a tear left her eye, "and that makes me so sad."

Bloopers 

1:

"Okay, girls, get ready!" the gorgeous and gleeful Ramia exclaimed as she glanced down at her sensor panel. "They are beaming over now! Remember to stay in character and pick a sweetheart. Here they come!"

The electronic hum of a Star Fleet transporter was heard as a teenage boy in appeared at the far end of the room in a shower of sparks. He had on the gold sweater and black trousers and boots that marked him as a member of the command division of a Star Fleet vessel. "Hi, I'm James Tenchi," he greeted shyly. "Is everyone okay?"

"Why thank you Captain," Ramia's sultry smile almost hid her predatory contempt.

"Thanks," Tenchi replied. "You got my rank on the first try."

"What?" Ramia blinked, then she gave an embarrassed smile. "Oops! Heh-heh. Can we start again?"

2:

"Why thank you lieutenant," Ramia's sultry smile almost hid her predatory contempt. The boy must have been a cadet or an ensign at the most, given his age, but the plan was to flatter the officers as much as possible to lower their guard. "I assure you that our problem isn't medical in nature. As you can see, we are all quite…healthy…"

Almost as one, the women assumed seductive, languorous poses and inhaled deeply.

"Heh-heh," Tenchi giggled nervously as a sweatdrop trickled from his temple. "Oh, uh, I'm not a captain," he scratched the back of his neck and looked away from the breathtaking females before him. "Doh! What am I talking about?" he giggled. "I am the captain!"

Muffled giggles erupted from the Orion slave girls.

3:

The teenage captain backed away and laughed nervously again. He fumbled at his belt for his communicator. "Well, if everything is all right, I'll beam over my staff so we can take a look at your engines. I'm sure the problem is that I'm a minor."

"Thank you…captain," cooed Ramia. "Go ahead and bring your top…men aboard. Maybe they are minors also."

"What?" Tenchi seemed startled by the remark. "Oh! I'm a minor! I messed up the line didn't I?"

4:

"Got a moment, Jim?" Old Doctor Yosho asked his young commanding officer. Tenchi hadn't noticed him enter the turbolift.

Doc Yosho's voice startled him, but he managed to hide it. "Sure, Bones," Tenchi said with a forced breeziness as he turned to face the bespectacled doctor.

Suddenly the boy winced in frustration. "Bones! Dammit!"

"Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Juraian prince!" Yosho joked in a fake Southern accent.

"It's not my fault!" bawled a grinning Tenchi. "Quit calling me 'Jim'!"

5:

"A cage is a cage," Yosho pointed out. "Even a gilded cage becomes confining. Ryoko agreed to give herself up and go straight so she could be with you, and now you're going to leave her behind on an isolated planet parsecs away from civilization. I'm afraid she might do something desperate."

Tenchi nodded ruefully. "So do I. That's why I'm going to beam down with her. We're going to check it out and see if we have to start the scene all over again."

The turbolift became silent as the two men faced each other with serious looks on their faces. Finally, Yosho broke out laughing.

6:

"You tell me," Tenchi crossed his arms and refused to be intimidated. "You promised me last time that you wouldn't escape from the ship that was transporting you to Tantalus Colony, and what did you do?"

Now it was Ryoko's turn to cross her arms. "I got to Tantalus Five, didn't I?"

"You were only down there for ten minutes!" Tenchi exclaimed. "You assaulted a guard, hijacked the Enterprise, and forced the crew to take you to Rigel!"

Ryoko let out a low whistle. "I hijacked the Enterprise? I must really be kick-ass! I thought I only hijacked the Masaki."

"What are you…?" the boy sputtered. "Doh! The Enterprise! Ha-ha-ha!"

7:

"Okay," Tenchi sighed, "I'll hold your hand. Anything to prevent World War Three, now can we get onto the transporter, please?"

"I thought this was the future?" Ayeka uttered. "Didn't World War Three already happen?"

"What are you talking about?" Tenchi asked her, then he winced and slapped his forehead in frustration. "I keep doing it!" he sheepishly groaned. "I've got too many lines, that's the trouble!"

8:

"Ensign Whiskers," Ayeka sniffed imperiously. "I order you to repeat this phrase: 'She shells she shells by the she shore.'" The purple-haired first officer paused. "Dammit."

9:

"True enough," Washu conceded, "but Sorinak's treatise on the nature of the katra indicates that after death the soul can be contained in another being or even an obelisk…" She stopped and looked over at Ayeka. "Aren't you going to ask us to shut up?"

"Not me!" Ayeka shrugged and smiled mischievously. "Do go on. This conversation is fascinating!"

Washu stuck out her tongue and pulled her lower eyelid down with one finger.

10:

"Ensign Whiskers," Ayeka sniffed imperiously. "I order you to repeat this phrase: 'She shells she shells by the...'" The purple-haired first officer paused. "(Bleep)."

11:

"Relations with the Klingons have been deteriorating rapidly," the young captain replied. "Starfleet feels that it is best to have our most powerful starships in the area as a detergent."

"Well, that makes sense," Ayeka smiled, "Those Klingons have really dirty uniforms."

"What?" Tenchi blinked.

"You said 'detergent'," Ayeka giggled into her hand.

"Doh!" Tenchi grimaced. He struck an overly dramatic pose and did the worst John Wayne impression he could. "We're gonna clean up this galaxy…"

12:

Tenchi turned around to gaze into Ayeka's concerned eyes. "Doh!" he exclaimed as he pinched his nose with both hands and he leaped into the elevator. "Well, uh…put some one in charge 'til I get back! Won't be long, bye!" The bridge was filled with stunned silence as the turbolift doors hissed shut.

"Something's wrong!" Ayeka leapt to her feet.

The bridge was silent as the camera zoomed in on Mihoshi. "Crap!" the gorgeous blonde hit herself in the head with her clipboard. "Can we start over?"

13:

The robot looked like a one-meter tall old style salt shaker but floated in the air with no visible means of support. "Investigate," Gonad announced as it floated over to the door and bounced off it, revealing it to be an electronic box supported by wires.

14:

"Mihoshi!" IO cried as the elevator doors hissed open behind him. Tenchi, Ayeka, and Washu entered the bridge just in time to see the chief engineer leap towards the robot. "Get away from her!" the young lieutenant cried. He tripped as he dashed forward and hit his head on the arm of the captain's chair.

"Are you all right?" Mihoshi asked.

15:

"Ensign Whiskers," Ayeka sniffed imperiously. "I order you to repeat this phrase: 'She sells she shells by the she shore…'" The purple-haired first officer jumped out of the captain's chair and clenched her fist. " Seashore (Bleep)!" she cried.

16:

The robot's progress towards the door was impeded just as the door slid open. Washu had gotten a hold of his cotton underpants and was pulling on them with all of her might. Outside the door was Midshipman Sasami, her bubblegum pink eyes blinking in surprise.

The bluehaired girl blushed and hid her face behind the clipboard. Tenchi looked down to see that Washu had in fact, pulled his underpants off.

"Oops!" Washu giggled. "We could always make this story a lemon, you know!"

17:

"Ayeka…" Tenchi's tearful duplicate reached out a hand to placate her. "You don't know what you're saying. Of course I'm James Kirk. Who else would I be?"

Ayeka burst out laughing.

"Doh!" Tenchi slapped his head. "I've got too many lines!"

18:

Mihoshi was sleeping in her bed wearing pink pajamas and clutching a worn teddy bear. Drool escaped her lips as she muttered. "Why Captain Tenchi, this is so sudden!" Snores and giggles were emitted from the dozing damsel as a shadow fell over her. "Tee-hee! Why Tenchi! I can't believe you're taking me to Wrigley's Pleasure Planet!"

She shifted in her bed and muttered. "Why Captain, it's so large…" The blonde snored and then giggled. "I've never made love while being covered in vanilla ice cream before…" She snored again. "Whips and chains? I didn't know you liked that kind of thing, but I'll try anything once…"

19:

The doors to the bridge hissed open and Lieutenant Commander Lydia Ayeka stormed onto the Pioneer's command center, her long purple ponytails trailing behind her. "I'm ordering a full stop!" she announced. "We're not going to move another kilometer until we get to the bottom of this! Aaah!" The elevator doors shut behind her, catching her long purple ponytails between them.

20:

Nobuyuki stood up from the command chair and struck a heroic pose. "I was a walk on part, put now I'm the big cheese! Numero Uno! The top dog! The guy with the clout!"

21:

On the main viewscreen, a strange hairless creature greeted them. It seemed to be egg shaped, for it had no neck. It's cranium was nonexistent, only a small rounded point for a forehead. Nothing could be seen of the interior of the creature's ship for behind the alien there was nothing but black velvet in view, black velvet that matched the creature's clothing perfectly. It's body, thankfully, could not be seen, just its giant, misshapen head and black collar that was so wide that it appeared that the alien's head filled a black velvet bowl like a carton of flesh-colored pudding. The head of the creature was wider on the bottom than the top, and a red circular glass or plastic disk ringed in silvery metal was in place of an eye. The mouth of the alien was huge, and the large canine teeth on its bottom jaw made the creature seem monstrous. As it spoke, its lower jaw remained stationary while the top of it's head bounced up and down with every syllable.

"It's getting hard to breathe!" the alien gasped. It's large lower lip trembled to reveal that the teeth on the lower jaw was larger than the teeth on it's upper jaw. Its eye and forehead bounced up and down as the creature gasped for breath melodramatically and it's huge pink froglike tongue lolled upwards as if trying to catch flies. As the alien with the woman's voice hyperventilated, the black cloth just behind and above the creature's head expanded and contracted with each panting breath and the red disk fell off its forehead to reveal no eyesocket, just unbroken skin. "Please!" the creature hyperventilated, then its voice sounded like Ryoko's when it said "Crap. It fell off, didn't it?"

22:

"I was attempting to render you unconscious using an ancient method of unarmed combat of my people," Washu admitted solemnly, "the Chousin ass-grope."

"There's no such thing as a 'Chousin ass-grope!" Zero insisted.

"How do you know?" Washu put her hands on her hips. "Do you come from my planet?"

"The Vulcan nerve pinch is up higher," Zero insisted. "On the neck!"

"Well my people are a lot hornier than the Vulcans," Washu stated, "so we had to develop new and interesting ways to cop a feel. Would you like me to show you the Chousin (bleep) stroke?"

A blushing Tenchi doubled over with laughter.

23:

"Tenchi," Kiyone moaned as she sat up on the floor and stared at the debris on the main viewscreen. "Ryoko… Are they…?"

"I'm afraid we've lost them," Washu nodded grimly. "Because of our inaction, Tenchi and Ryoko are dead and that imposter has Ryoko!"

Sasami, Mihoshi, and Ensign Whiskers started crying. Kiyone just stared straight ahead, her mouth hanging half open in shock.

Washu slapped her head with her hand. "I meant Ayeka!" she grimaced. Sasami, Mihoshi, Kiyone, and Whiskers started laughing.

24:

"Ensign Whiskers," Ayeka sniffed imperiously. "I order you to repeat this phrase: 'She sells she shells by the she sore…'" The purple-haired first officer jumped up and down and pulled on her ponytails in frustration as she screamed profanities. "(Bleep)! (Bleep)! (Bleep)!"

25:

Ryoko and Tenchi groaned. Clay sputtered and slapped Mihoshi with his flabby arm causing her to scream and tumble backwards. The huge lumbering worm then pulled a switch. Tenchi gestured to a large piggish alien and a pistol floated out of the alien's holster to hit the young space adventurer right in the nose. The pig alien lunged towards Tenchi just as a trap door opened beneath them both.

26:

On the bridge, sitting in the command chair, Ayeka frowned in concentration. "She sells sea shells by the sea shore…"

27:

On the bridge of the Klingon Battleship Soja, Kagato and Nagi practice the Klingon language in an over the top, melodramatic style.

28:

Captain Tenchi clutched the captain's chair for support and took a painful breath. His efforts to imitate William Shatner made his voice loud at first and then quiet as his strength failed him. His words were alternately fast and slow. Still, he had to get his message across. "WOULD the REAL… Captain…" A long pause. "James-J.-Tenchi… set-his-ship-on-self-destruct? Would the REAL captain… put his own feelings before the lives…" He drew a ragged breath and "OF… HIS… CREW?" His next words were almost a hoarse whisper. "Four hundred and thirty lives…" His voice sounded strange as he focused his William Shatner's most melodramatic mannerisms. "Spock… Spock…"

29:

"I can clear this up," Washu assured the camera. She bent over and pushed her skirt up to expose her backside to Tenchi. "Hey, Skipper, get a load of this!" the saucy science officer teased while shaking her posterior at her commanding officer. The sound of Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy' was heard while Washu wiggled her hips and stroked her body. She spun, danced, and struck seductive poses as Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko started laughing.

30:

Multiple shots of various cast members running into the sliding doors when they fail to open on time.

Afterword 

Well, I hoped all of you enjoyed reading Dagger of the Brain as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you want a sequel write in and tell me (and give me some suggestions, too. I'm out of ideas). Don't be afraid to tell me what worked and what didn't. I've made several revisions to earlier chapters since they were first released and I probably will continue to proofread and correct my errors so don't be afraid to comment if you think it will make this story better or improve the next one.

Before I go I'd like to thank my reviewers for giving me feedback, advice and encouragement. Especially Ignorant One, without whose encouragement there would have never been a Dagger of the Brain.

As of this writing, I haven't seen the new Star Trek film yet, but a bunch of college kids in charge of a starship sounds a lot like the story I wrote. Let's hope it lives up to its press releases.

Remember if you don't like this story, write your own and show us all how it's done! They say everyone has a story in them. This was mine. Go out and write yours!

Hailing Frequencies Closed,

Galaxy1001D


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